I asked my dad if cigarettes get stale.

He said: "No, but if you sit on them they go flat."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacob7574
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Making stale bread taste better is easy

Piece of toast

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PulkPush
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Sales were stale anyway
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs1104666
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in a food fight at school & accidentally hit the principal with a stale cafeteria bun...

...the jerk had me charged; assault with a breadly weapon.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
This will never go stale so donut tell me otherwise
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Razabeth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My jokes are stale
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLTombs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Stale memes always get recognition
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Are food puns stale?
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Narcissistic-Kal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why the boys get stale bread on the roadtrip?

Because the bread mold was a fun-gi

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kansalsid
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I accidentally broke a window while tossing a loaf of stale french bread

What a pain, what a pane, what a pain

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
🚨︎ report
If a guy named Dale told a bad story about an old beer, it would be Dale's stale pale ale tale fail.
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mark5301
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2016
🚨︎ report
This sub's getting stale.

I knew I should've wrapped up the sandwich before leaving it on the table.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdcooper97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
🚨︎ report
He wondered if they were stale yet

http://i.imgur.com/hN65YTl.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mark4669
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2015
🚨︎ report
If I bought 100 buns for a dollar, what would each bun be?

Stale

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend always makes ironic jokes about bread...

He has a rye sense of humor...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t like bread jokes.

They get stale really fast.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TugBoatAugust
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Without saran wrap or bread clips.

Our lives would be very stale

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to date a baker

But I broke up with her because she was too kneady.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Checkmate
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megarex424
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I was going to write a joke about bread

But I thought most of you would find it rather stale

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matildeconsolado
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Ah!
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes in real life.

Tonight my wife and I were explaining why my son had to wear pajama bottoms after putting anti-itch cream on his legs, because it kept it from rubbing off on the sheets. β€œBut doesn’t it rub off on the pajamas?” asked my daughter. My wife patiently explained that the cream could then rub back onto his legs.

β€œYes,” I said. β€œIt’s a perpetual lotion machine.”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jofish22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

He was feeling crummy.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbienl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the Australian general win the war on bread?

Because it was stale, mate.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/praesespilsbaas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
🚨︎ report
What would be funny to engrave on a bottle opener for a soon to be new dad?

I am buying him a bottle opener before I go back stateside (USMC) and cannot figure out what to get engraved on it. He is kinda stale, so dry sense of humors welcome!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deeeeeds
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.

Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.

Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.

Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.

Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.

While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".

When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I Wanna Open a Discount Grocery Store Where Everything Expires In a Week...

...gonna call it Best By.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaserCop2022
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
🚨︎ report
The quality of this sub has gotten worse.

I mean, the veggies on it are starting to turn different colors and the bread has gotten stale. How can anyone eat this sub?

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Abadah
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2014
🚨︎ report
So, I ate this chess set. It was horrible. I took it back to the shop.

I said "This is stale, mate." He said "Are you sure?" I said "Check, mate".

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swarv3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Supermarket checkout girl didn't appreciate my humour

Her> Would you like me to pack?

Me> We've only just met. I didn't know you were leaving already.

πŸ‘︎ 226
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haggiskiwi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Had to return my chocolate chess set to Thornton's

Me: I demand a refund!

Assistant: what's wrong with it?

Me: It's stale mate.

Assistant: Surely not?

Me: Check mate.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a firework that's no good anymore?

A stale cracker!!!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vengecore
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the cannibal eat the clown?

Because he tasted funny.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/feckthis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
🚨︎ report
I was watching my friends in the endgame of a chess match

I told them β€œI hope this doesn’t turn out like Rigor Mortis of an Australian friend.”

β€œWhat?”

β€œI hope this isn’t a stale mate.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pyredox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend pulls out the very old bottle of Vernor's from the fridge.

"Ginger-ale? More like Ginger-stale!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sml-ktchn-vgn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
🚨︎ report
Sunday morning breakfast

Me: oh my god! This cereal is soooo stale! Wife: what is it??? Me: Cheerios with ancient grains Wife: *head shaking *eye rolling

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad joked at Wal-Mart

Customer: "Do you have any rutabagas?"

Me: "No, we're fresh out."

Customer: "You mean you're stale out..."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mathew93
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad and cousin are sitting at the table

Cousin: "I need to take a shower soon, my hair is really stale."

Dad: "That's what happens when you leave it out too long."

It flew over my cousin's head, and I just laughed to myself.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MissionCo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2014
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell you a joke about bread

But I thought most of you would find it rather stale

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report

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