Somebody crop him in half for a quarter XD
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cage filled with Quarters, Dimes, and Pennies?

Nickel-less Cage!

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TH0R5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
How come it used to cost a quarter to pump your tires at the gas station, and now it costs a dollar?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
I saw 2000 pounds of quarters the other day

That’s a ton of money!

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NekoLover72
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Hehehe close quarters....
πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jabookalakq
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
When doing end of quarter inventory,

Any help you can get really counts.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beanimus0829
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
If a servant's quarters is too big....

It will be called a servant's whole

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/p_tally
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I won a million dollars playing the lottery and donated a quarter of it to my favorite charity.

What should I do with the remaining $999,999.75?

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skol_vkings
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
If I won $298 million I'd donate a quarter of it to charities...

I'm not sure what I'd do with the other $297,999,999.75 though.

πŸ‘︎ 145
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If I had $1,000,000, I’d donate a quarter of it to charity.

Then I’d have $999,999.75.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DropTopTyler
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Im gonna start making batting cage business that only accepts pennies, dimes,quarters, half dollars, and dollar coins

Gonna call it Nickel-less Cage

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boxymcboxbox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.

He said, β€œMaybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I made a β€œQuarter Pounder”
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TDogisRedd
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If the Super Bowl went into overtime, does that mean the first 4 quarters were just a really long commercial since the game was Tide?

I really hope Tide had another commercial ready just in case.

Edit: Thank you for the Reddit Gold, kind stranger! My first!

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brady_bear3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when it rains quarters?

Climate Change

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Weeb_Boi_69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks into the same bar every day at quarter past five...

You would think he'd learn to duck under it by now...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/p90medic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
It was really windy last night. A quarter of my roof came off in the wind...

oof.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haltergego
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

Nurse: No change yet.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I was so happy when I won 765 million dollars, I donated a quarter of it to charity.

I don't know what I'll do with the rest of the $764,999,999.75 though.

Edited

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If I won $300,000, I'd give a quarter of it to charity.

Not sure what I'd do with the other $299,999.75

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SMsyrris
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was younger, my Dad used to throw quarters at me whenever I acted stupidly.

He said, β€œMaybe that’ll knock some cents into you.”

πŸ‘︎ 350
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
How does a quarter moon always feel?

Crestfallen

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Milwaukee Bucks. The only bucks you can't get 4 quarters out of.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I once threw a quarter into the San Andreas...

I have always wanted to be generous to a fault.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cleanandclever
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Pennies and quarters rain from the sky

β€œWow!” I say. β€œIt’s climate change!”

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/usernametakenexe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
How many Quarter Pounders make a Big Mac?

None of them, they can’t cook.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jadekinsjackson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Quarter Pounder
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BreezierMule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What cereal do you eat late in the fourth quarter?

Cinnamon Toast Crunch-Time

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lifelonglifter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
You can never trust someone who says they are a quarter millionaire.

You don’t know if they have $250,000 or $1,000,000 in Quarters.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PNaugle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to sell a quarter for a nickel on eBay

I decided not to because it didn't make any cents

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjjuniorrr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey dad I'm still missing an Illinois quarter.

"I'll just remember Sick-o-Sound."

'What?'

"You know Ill-of-noise, sick of sound"

"..."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/natecrch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who got three quarters of his back removed?

Apparently, he's a quarterback now.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FearlessTheFallen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cage full of dimes, pennies, and quarters?

A nickle-less cage

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NateNathans
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
🚨︎ report
When your phone autocorrects "fuck" to "American quarter horse" it's OK to keep it.

It's still foal language.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Little mary jane was walking down the street with her mother. Her mother saw a quarter in the road and went out to pick it up and got hit by a bus.

Little mary jane just LAUGHED and LAUGHED.... she knew it was only a nickle.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/questionall101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I gave up Quarter Pounders and now I’m half the man I used to be.

I’m a fraction hero.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I found what I suspect is a long-running dad joke in a drawer at my work. It's a quarter pounder. imgur.com/go2fngq
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/natron5000_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2013
🚨︎ report
Quarter Pounder imgur.com/gallery/xp4qC
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxethOGrady
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2017
🚨︎ report
I started a swear jar yesterday. It's already three quarters full...

https://i.imgur.com/ptz0cqD.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 175
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silverben10
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the quarter say to the penny?

You don't make much cents.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/inkorket
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I set a record at my company for 12 straight quarters in tire sales

They were Goodyears.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pikindaguy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
When I trade four quarters for a paper dollar

my $1 bill is the ex-change

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
A coworker handed me two quarters. I said, "Hey, now that I have these, guess what my rapper name would be!"....

Her: "Ugh. 50 Cent?"

Me: "What? No, I'd be '2-Change.'"

She just walked away without saying anything after that. Mission accomplished.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Individual4815
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Quarter pounder with Cheese
πŸ‘︎ 199
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BOTY123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
🚨︎ report
My Grandfather's Quarter Pounder

Here is an image of my Grandfather's QuarterPounder. He made it probably 20 years ago - the quarter is from 1994. Grandpa said that he saw something that looked like this in a novelty shop somewhere and decided to improve the design a bit.

πŸ‘︎ 180
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoNotTheDuo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2016
🚨︎ report
I was listening to Led Zeppelin's hit song "No Quarter" with my daughter.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/janus10
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I was going though a tough time in my life, when my mom gave me a doller in quarters....

and I said I DON'T LIKE CHANGE, MOM

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vcx_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2016
🚨︎ report
I bought something for $4.50 and gave the store clerk a five. Instead of giving me back two quarters he ripped a dollar in half and handed it to me.

There was no cents to that.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sum_buddy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report
What did one three-quarter-full glass of vodka say to the other, full glass of water?

I'm a bit drunk.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryAwkwardCake
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
🚨︎ report
I ate three quarters of a gazelle yesterday...

Well, I had the lions share.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad passed away 3 years ago, still whenever I see these signs I picture him saying "I don't see any quarters or dimes"
πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sencinitas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
🚨︎ report
The quarter pounder was alright, but it can't compete with my quarter pounder with cheese
πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goboatmen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
🚨︎ report
Ever seen a quarter screw a dime?

http://i.imgur.com/EDlAj3a.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CB_the_cuttlefish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
🚨︎ report
I found 2 quarters on the ground today

It was probably a coincidence.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sean081799
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2015
🚨︎ report
A quarter-pounder with cheese
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMA_dragon-AMA
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Just sat with quarters in my ears for 10 minutes.

My friend asked what I was doing. I said "Listening to 50 cent."

/r/DadJokes, you have ruined me.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schizoreindeer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2015
🚨︎ report
"I read an article years ago that most wrecks happen within a quarter mile of your house..."

"...so I moved."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tigerjane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2015
🚨︎ report
Quarters in the gas tank

So money's a little tight right now and I had a 10$ roll of quarters I was going to use to put gas in my gas tank.

When I picked up my girlfriend from her school she asked, "Did you put those quarters in the gas tank"?

"Yeah," I replied, "I put them in the tank, though I probably should have just bought gas with them..."

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FullRegalia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Every time dad sees a digital 24 hour clock at quarter past 8 in the evening he says...

"It's that time of the year again!"

Roll on 2060...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chibolamoo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2015
🚨︎ report
If I had $1,000,000, I’d donate a quarter of it to charity.

Then I’d have $999,999.75.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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