My whole life I thought Chewbacca was an Ewok....
This one’s on a whole new level
It's a bit embarrassing to admit on here, but I was once attacked by a whole bunch of street Mimes..
..and they did some unspeakable things to me.
I’d give me wife the whole ocean
But today she’s only getting a small C-section
Edit: it’s actually true. Today at 10am here in Sweden it’s happening 🙂
Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?
Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner
Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.
Sisters kids: Who? WHO?
Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other
Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad
Me: I'm a faux pas
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family
I should have been making more jokes about the whole Suez canal situation...
I really missed the boat on that one
I’ve just been voted the most secretive person in the whole world
I can’t tell you how much this means to me
After I went to the dentist, I went and recorded a gospel album. My mouth was still numb, so I was drooling the whole time.
The album's called "Songs of Salivation".
You're in a dirty fistfight against a gang of circus performers. Who do you take down first to weaken the whole team?
Did you know that there's a whole religion of people that celebrate Pi day?
Jay Leno went to Morgan Freeman’s house and had a lot of drinks. Leno suddenly started to urinate on Freeman’s carpet. Freeman was furious and ran after him as he kept on urinating. The banker next door saw the whole thing and decided to start a bank...
Kids, that is the true story of how Jay-pee-Morgan-chase was named
My son asked me if the whole family was just a bunch of pyromaniacs.
What did the tailor say to his son who tore a whole in his pants.
You better knot do that again.
I walked into a bar and there was a whole line of people waiting to take a swing at me.
I guess you could call that a punch line
I was placed under arrest for downloading the whole Wikipedia website
I told the officer "Wait! I can explain everything!!"
Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..
The wizard in my campaign just got handed a whole bunch of random, unlabeled Sesame Street videos.
He's going to learn how to count or spell.
I wrote a song about the Suez ship that blocked the whole width of the canal.
It's called Bridge Over Troubled Water.
Wait, I think I got the whole dating thing wrong
To avoid Covid on my flight, they converted the whole plane to Catholicism and started praying.
Unfortunately now we’ve got a load of confirmed cases...
I saw a whole shelf of soy milk at the store the other day.
It's great that they've enabled milk to properly introduce themselves to customers.
My financial advisor wants me to do the whole investor thing.
I bought the vest, any recommendations on a good tour I can take? So I can do my In Vest Tour
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
When a light goes out, it's best to call the whole family.
Because many hands make light work.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left half was cut off?
How do you go a whole day without sleeping?
You just sleep at night.
My boss's kid told told him this this morning. lol
Can an Admin tell me why my post was removed? It was very inconvenient... My whole fence fell down
Before this whole lockdown thing, I went to a musical.
I didn't like it. Too much sax and violins.
There is only one you in the whole world...
I’m at wedding and I’m very thirsty so I am walking all around the whole ballroom looking for something to drink.
I can’t find the punchline.
Before I die I am going to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn.
Just to make the cremation process a little bit more interesting.
Did you guys hear about the guy that had the whole left side of his body amputated?
I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.
Step 1: get a hunting license.
I have mixed opinions on Asia as a whole
While South Korea is absolutely lively, the rest of Asia is completely Seoulless.
A Whole turkey was eaten by Leroy Sane.
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
Finally got around to watching the whole “Back to the Future” trilogy!
My kids get confused when I throw whole basil leaves at them this time of year
But as they say, 'tis the season
Made pancakes yesterday and the whole house smelled like lavender
Instead of decorating my whole house this year, I decided to put all of my lights in my drinks cupboard instead..
We'll Christmas is all about Makings Spirits Bright
A man was swallowed whole by a whale..
He ran to the end until he was all pooped out.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left half was cut off?
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