Two whole puns!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goosetropolis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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My whole life I thought Chewbacca was an Ewok....

Wookie mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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This one’s on a whole new level
πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buildingwithclay
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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It's a bit embarrassing to admit on here, but I was once attacked by a whole bunch of street Mimes..

..and they did some unspeakable things to me.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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I’d give me wife the whole ocean

But today she’s only getting a small C-section

Edit: it’s actually true. Today at 10am here in Sweden it’s happening πŸ™‚

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joachim_s
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?

Yeah he's all right now

πŸ‘︎ 364
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdWide6476
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner

Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.

Sisters kids: Who? WHO?

Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!

cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other

Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad Me: I'm a faux pas

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AusSpyder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family

We got joint problems

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaperRare
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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I should have been making more jokes about the whole Suez canal situation...

I really missed the boat on that one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hallsguide
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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I’ve just been voted the most secretive person in the whole world

I can’t tell you how much this means to me

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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After I went to the dentist, I went and recorded a gospel album. My mouth was still numb, so I was drooling the whole time.

The album's called "Songs of Salivation".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iMakeCrap
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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You're in a dirty fistfight against a gang of circus performers. Who do you take down first to weaken the whole team?

Go for the juggler.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru9224
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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Did you know that there's a whole religion of people that celebrate Pi day?

They're very pious.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tr0ubleBrewing
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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Jay Leno went to Morgan Freeman’s house and had a lot of drinks. Leno suddenly started to urinate on Freeman’s carpet. Freeman was furious and ran after him as he kept on urinating. The banker next door saw the whole thing and decided to start a bank...

Kids, that is the true story of how Jay-pee-Morgan-chase was named

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πŸ‘€︎ u/damilalam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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My son asked me if the whole family was just a bunch of pyromaniacs.

I said, "we arson."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dubnaught
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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What did the tailor say to his son who tore a whole in his pants.

You better knot do that again.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lawdawg_75
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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I walked into a bar and there was a whole line of people waiting to take a swing at me.

I guess you could call that a punch line

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GLIZZYGOD999
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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I was placed under arrest for downloading the whole Wikipedia website

I told the officer "Wait! I can explain everything!!"

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manuel_f_p
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..

Auntie climb attic.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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The wizard in my campaign just got handed a whole bunch of random, unlabeled Sesame Street videos.

He's going to learn how to count or spell.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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I wrote a song about the Suez ship that blocked the whole width of the canal.

It's called Bridge Over Troubled Water.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/glezgatoon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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Wait, I think I got the whole dating thing wrong
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainBlagbird
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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To avoid Covid on my flight, they converted the whole plane to Catholicism and started praying.

Unfortunately now we’ve got a load of confirmed cases...

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skyfox2k
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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I saw a whole shelf of soy milk at the store the other day.

It's great that they've enabled milk to properly introduce themselves to customers.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flashblazer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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My financial advisor wants me to do the whole investor thing.

I bought the vest, any recommendations on a good tour I can take? So I can do my In Vest Tour

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stampeed13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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What do you find when you swallow peas whole?

Inner peas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shuihoppy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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When a light goes out, it's best to call the whole family.

Because many hands make light work.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left half was cut off?

He’s all right now

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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How do you go a whole day without sleeping?

You just sleep at night.

My boss's kid told told him this this morning. lol

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sergeantsexxy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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A whole new level
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Python119
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Can an Admin tell me why my post was removed? It was very inconvenient... My whole fence fell down
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/muddoo7887
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Before this whole lockdown thing, I went to a musical.

I didn't like it. Too much sax and violins.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSilverGreninja
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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There is only one you in the whole world...

Unless it is a w.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobo311
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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I’m at wedding and I’m very thirsty so I am walking all around the whole ballroom looking for something to drink.

I can’t find the punchline.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Before I die I am going to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn.

Just to make the cremation process a little bit more interesting.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b_wanker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Did you guys hear about the guy that had the whole left side of his body amputated?

He's all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chuckie_Thunder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.

Step 1: get a hunting license.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaanold
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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I have mixed opinions on Asia as a whole

While South Korea is absolutely lively, the rest of Asia is completely Seoulless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avinash333bhat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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A Whole turkey was eaten by Leroy Sane.

Now, it’s insane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bekicaga
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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A dog named 'cigarette' ... OP should get more, then they'll have a whole pack ... /r/3amjokes/comments/k6e2…
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.

Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.

All credit goes to my coworker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robertmmoore143
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Finally got around to watching the whole β€œBack to the Future” trilogy!

It’s about time.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bskizzy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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My kids get confused when I throw whole basil leaves at them this time of year

But as they say, 'tis the season

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Made pancakes yesterday and the whole house smelled like lavender

Used the wrong flower

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatdutchguyps
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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Instead of decorating my whole house this year, I decided to put all of my lights in my drinks cupboard instead..

We'll Christmas is all about Makings Spirits Bright

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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A man was swallowed whole by a whale..

He ran to the end until he was all pooped out.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RocksOnReddit924
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left half was cut off?

He’s all right now

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report

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