Every pun I keep trying to submit turns out to be a repost.
What can I say? I've got puns of steal.
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Momma always told me "you are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day.
I wanted to become a fun guy.
I used to eat watches and clocks for every meal, but I had to stop.
It was too time consuming.
If I had 50 cents for every maths Exam I failed
Does every sentence need to include a vegetable?
Fun fact: Every dictionary has at least 1 mistake in it!
In the M section, right after mist.
Thanks HAI
Someone has stolen every toilet at city hall!
The police have nothing to go on.
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
Every day I come home and ask my dog how his day was, and every day he always gives the same answer...
I listen to every type of music except heavy metal
Because heavy metals are toxic.
(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)
Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.
He’s my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
Every call from Hawaii should be considered a Spam Risk.
Man, hot air balloon rides keep getting more expensive every year.
But I guess that’s just inflation.
Knew an bird watcher who lived so long he saw every bird except one. On his deathbed he was asked if he thought he used his time well
He said he had no Egretes
Did you know, if you took out your brain, and laid every neuron out in a line . . .
A gambler visited rain forests every day and ended up getting penile cancer
I guess he was hitting the wrong sloths
While I was gardening a potato was watching me and criticizing my every move. He thought he was big stuff.
But I think he was just a commontater
I'm building my own guitar, but every time I look at the wood I've bought for it, I get overwhelmed by anxiety about how it will turn out.
I shouldn't have started with the fretboard.
Do you know what 50 Cent used to do every time he got hungry
Cats in Communist countries are forced to eat the same thing every day and it affects their health!
Now they all have Mousey Tongue.
What is every dad’s least favorite country music song?
Every Light In The House (IS ON!)
Every star is holy. Why, you ask?
Because they all have mass!
Every day, my teacher starts her class by reading a joke from r/dadjokes, but today she is absent.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?
A hundred dollar bill.
This is my dad's favorite joke.
Every summer I get bit by one thousand and twenty four bugs.
My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.
Every time I put my car in reverse.
Why has Cinderella been cut from every team she tried out for?
She kept running away from the ball.
TIL that AL Gore created a problem-solving program that did complex calculations once every half-second.
It was an AL Gore rhythm.
Every time I see the initials for Hayley Atwell I always laugh.
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
Did you hear about the guys who commuted between London and Paris every day?
They ended up with Carpool Chunnel Syndrome.
Every day I have to take my cow through a vineyard…
I herd it through the grapevine.
Inmates at HMP Manchester are refusing to eat the Moroccan spiced chicken dish they're given every Friday, claiming it is being used to secretly medicate them with aggression-suppressants hidden in the sauce.
That sounds to me like one of those cons' piri piri theories.
In Africa, every 60 seconds…
Why Did the Anthropologist Get Invited to Every Fancy Dinner?
Turns out he was a man of culture.
A big cat was spotted winning every race he ran.
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
What do you call it when you catch a fish on every cast while deep sea fishing?
Did you know that Americans eat more bananas than monkeys every year?
Which makes sense, because I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Does every sentence need to include a vegetable?
Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.
Every day I come home and ask my dog how his day was, and every day he always gives the same answer...
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
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