Every pun I keep trying to submit turns out to be a repost.
What can I say? I've got puns of steal.
My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
I named my dog 6miles. So I can tell people I walk 6miles every day!
Momma always told me "you are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day.
I wanted to become a fun guy.
If I had 50 cents for every maths Exam I failed
I used to eat watches and clocks for every meal, but I had to stop.
It was too time consuming.
The start of my every last paragraph of my essays.
If I made a bot that spams every person who claims to be a member of the Pun Police with puns...
it would be a fully automatic machine pun.
Fun fact: Every dictionary has at least 1 mistake in it!
In the M section, right after mist.
Thanks HAI
Does every sentence need to include a vegetable?
This makes me laugh every time
I like to spend every day as if it’s my last.
Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
For a while Houdini used a trap door for every show he did.
But it was just a stage he was going through.
I used to get small shocks every time I touched metal objects, but I don't anymore.
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
Driving by every graveyard
Ooops no cell service; must be a dead zone
Every day I come home and ask my dog how his day was, and every day he always gives the same answer...
Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.
He’s my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
Barbie and Ken are continually arguing over who will empty the dishwasher. One day, Ken says "Barbie, I've unloaded the dishwasher every day this week.. can you PLEASE do it just this once?"
I listen to every type of music except heavy metal
Because heavy metals are toxic.
(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)
Someone has stolen every toilet at city hall!
The police have nothing to go on.
So this bank robber I know brings a bathroom scale with him to every heist.
Every time I go to walmart an employee follows me.
I think i have a stocker.
I hate working for what I want. Capitalism has ruined everything. Every time I dip my pen in the company ink, nine months later my wife hires a new employee.
My Uncle and Aunt Send Me Money From England Every Year On My Birthday
Now my wallet weighs 31 pounds.
Every call from Hawaii should be considered a Spam Risk.
Every day, my teacher starts her class by reading a joke from r/dadjokes, but today she is absent.
Did you know, if you took out your brain, and laid every neuron out in a line . . .
Knew an bird watcher who lived so long he saw every bird except one. On his deathbed he was asked if he thought he used his time well
He said he had no Egretes
Man, hot air balloon rides keep getting more expensive every year.
But I guess that’s just inflation.
I fall sick every time I try to journal
I must be allergic to diary
A gambler visited rain forests every day and ended up getting penile cancer
I guess he was hitting the wrong sloths
What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?
A hundred dollar bill.
This is my dad's favorite joke.
While I was gardening a potato was watching me and criticizing my every move. He thought he was big stuff.
But I think he was just a commontater
Do you know what 50 Cent used to do every time he got hungry
I'm building my own guitar, but every time I look at the wood I've bought for it, I get overwhelmed by anxiety about how it will turn out.
I shouldn't have started with the fretboard.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
Cats in Communist countries are forced to eat the same thing every day and it affects their health!
Now they all have Mousey Tongue.
Every summer I get bit by one thousand and twenty four bugs.
My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
Does every sentence need to include a vegetable?
Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.
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