Two whole puns!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goosetropolis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner

Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.

Sisters kids: Who? WHO?

Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!

cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other

Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad Me: I'm a faux pas

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AusSpyder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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To avoid Covid on my flight, they converted the whole plane to Catholicism and started praying.

Unfortunately now we’ve got a load of confirmed cases...

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skyfox2k
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left half was cut off?

He’s all right now

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Can an Admin tell me why my post was removed? It was very inconvenient... My whole fence fell down
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/muddoo7887
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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A whole new level
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Python119
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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There is only one you in the whole world...

Unless it is a w.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobo311
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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I’m at wedding and I’m very thirsty so I am walking all around the whole ballroom looking for something to drink.

I can’t find the punchline.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.

Step 1: get a hunting license.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaanold
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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I have mixed opinions on Asia as a whole

While South Korea is absolutely lively, the rest of Asia is completely Seoulless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avinash333bhat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Before I die I am going to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn.

Just to make the cremation process a little bit more interesting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b_wanker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Did you guys hear about the guy that had the whole left side of his body amputated?

He's all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chuckie_Thunder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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My kids get confused when I throw whole basil leaves at them this time of year

But as they say, 'tis the season

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.

Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.

All credit goes to my coworker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robertmmoore143
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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A dog named 'cigarette' ... OP should get more, then they'll have a whole pack ... /r/3amjokes/comments/k6e2…
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Went camping with a time traveler but they were silent the whole time...

...I think they prefer speaking in future tents

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πŸ‘€︎ u/humanbeingahuman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Finally got around to watching the whole β€œBack to the Future” trilogy!

It’s about time.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bskizzy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Instead of decorating my whole house this year, I decided to put all of my lights in my drinks cupboard instead..

We'll Christmas is all about Makings Spirits Bright

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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A man was swallowed whole by a whale..

He ran to the end until he was all pooped out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RocksOnReddit924
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Made pancakes yesterday and the whole house smelled like lavender

Used the wrong flower

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatdutchguyps
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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I accidentally drank a whole bottle of invisible ink last night

If only you could see me now

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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My whole family mocked me when my French bakery went bankrupt

How dare they laugh at my pain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Well, I've been on a diet for a whole week now...

And I've lost 7 days.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.

Personally, I think it's neat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adomoto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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What do you call it when the whole neighbourhood has tea together?

SocieTea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shryte16
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I have a new girlfriend named Ursula. She’s my whole universe...

She’s my univ-ursula πŸͺβœ¨

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??

She said: no, it's in pasta bowl

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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Did you know that Stalin never said thank you throughout his whole life

That’s because he didn’t speak English

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tidiestbadger72
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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A whole arRAY of stingray puns here
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IlliterateEmu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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My whole family witnessed me going to jail

We have to play something other than monopoly next time

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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To the person whole stole my Microsoft Office

I will find you, you have my Word

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wcslater
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. β€œYou need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. β€œDo you mow the whole yard in one direction.”

β€œWhy?” she asked.

β€œBecause that’s what makes it beautiful.”

Oh, the eye roll on this kid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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You can’t stay down to earth your whole life

You just wouldn’t have any potential

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grosstraktor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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What cant you find at Whole Foods?

Doughnuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phenicutie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I just read the whole dictionary in one sitting.

I learned the definition of boring.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DLXCubing
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Because if the whole quarantine thing,

I will only be telling inside jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wutangl4n
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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I had this whole joke ready about birds, but I forgot it.

Guess I have to wing it now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BredSolid
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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This gives a whole new meaning to Mass Shooting!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuanTanio
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I work at Johnsonville, lost a whole pallet of sausages yesterday - luckily I have a plan...

Time for the β€œwurst-case scenario”. Glad I brat that to your attention? Sorry, I know these jokes are played, you gotta take sausage jokes on a casing by casing basis. Ok I’ll stop now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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This whole subreddit has been taken over by puns, it's like there's a pundemic
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afieif
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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I have fantasised about installing irrigation my whole life

But it's just a pipe dream

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who ate bananas whole?

He didn’t peel too well

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zura1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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I was driving behind this guy and realized he is celebrating a whole year early!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaggysnack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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A whole new meaning to delivery...
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Is_This_L055
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left half was cut off?

He’s all right now

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?

He’s all right now!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phoenixrejoicez
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report

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