I said, โI know. This trebuchet is amazing. Go get our daughter.โ
Itโs finely shredded cabbage in mayonnaise.
Talk is cheep
(This is my No-L greeting.)
I couldnโt fathom it.
โThat just sounds like leaping off ledges with extra stepsโ
Had to visit a mall today. As I was standing on the escalator, someone coughed behind me. I turned around and noticed he was very near. We all know if you need to cough, you must cough far away. So I told him to FAR COUGH. And thatโs how the fight started
...but a dad joke is farther!
What did James Bond do before bed
He went under cover
I'm quitting cold turkey
Maybe, I can barely see it from here.
The doctor arrives and after a quick inspection he calms the crowd:
โDonโt worry, he just got disco-nnected.โ
...which is why we built the larger trebuchet.
Because he is the supreme ruler.
So anyways, I dust the grains down from africa
Obi wan Kobe
I've learned next to nothing.
I'm passive progressive
A rebel pilot and an imperial pilot had a race around the deathstar to see who had the faster ship. It was a tie!
After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...
"You reap what you saw".
The catapult worked well
Lobe low, dude
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar
Iโm not sure how he expects anyone to run that far!!!
We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyoneโs advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.
We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think itโs a boy and girl but I donโt actually know. We pick them up next week.
We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.
So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.
We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??
Rรผdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "Rรผdoff det rรธde", meaning "the red".
After years of wars, and regular battles, Rรผdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.
One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but Rรผdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars
"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.
He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:
Rรผdoff The Red knows rain, dear.
But I got that one hands down.
Turns out my property line is not as far as I thought it was.
There's no way I could run that far.
I got tele-vision
apparently it is not "appropriate" to talk to residents about the benefits of youth in asia.
Apologies if this breaks the rules however. My friends and I are making up names of star wars characters combined with celebrity names. So far we've come up with Darth spader, sith rogan, and obi wan kobe.
Any others we cant think of?
He was too far out, man.
Yet, here we are. North Korea's Kim Jong is ill once more.
It's too far to walk.
Dad: you should probably drive, running that far seems like a lot of unnecessary work.
No one should ever have unprotected sects.
...itโll be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.
My husband: I know, this trebuchet is amazing. Let's get our son!
