My wife looked at me beaming with pride and said, βWow! I never thought our son could go so far!β
I said, βI know. This trebuchet is amazing. Go get our daughter.β
π︎ 62
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
When a clogged drain killed his family, a clog far past the u-bend & far beyond justice, he knew had to take matters into his own filthy hands. He had to become...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
Wow never thought I'd get this far
π︎ 105
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
Happy Ho.idays to friends and .oved ones c.ose and far. B.essings to you and yours this Yu.e season.
(This is my No-L greeting.)
π︎ 29
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
As far as baby chickens are concerned...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
I tried to figure out how far 20,000 leagues under the sea actually is.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
making it this far has been no small feet
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
Talking with my brother: βHey remember when we would see how far we could jump off the staircase?β
βThat just sounds like leaping off ledges with extra stepsβ
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
Far Cough
Had to visit a mall today. As I was standing on the escalator, someone coughed behind me. I turned around and noticed he was very near. We all know if you need to cough, you must cough far away. So I told him to FAR COUGH. And thatβs how the fight started
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
People can take a dark joke too far...
...but a dad joke is farther!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
My favorite so far
What did James Bond do before bed
He went under cover
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
My addiction to refrigerated poultry has gone too far
π︎ 596
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
Of course, french fries are far too posh for us, we only do chips!
π︎ 21
π
︎ Sep 28 2020
In far future, in a robot-only disco, one of the dancers suddenly shuts down.
The doctor arrives and after a quick inspection he calms the crowd:
βDonβt worry, he just got disco-nnected.β
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
My friend was concerned his children weren't getting very far...
...which is why we built the larger trebuchet.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 14 2020
Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!
Because he is the supreme ruler.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 13 2020
A geology/geography/aerodynamics study that a sandstorm in Africa can blow sand and dust as far as to even Florida
So anyways, I dust the grains down from africa
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
Whoβs the best basketball player in a galaxy far far away?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
So far I've memorized seven pages of this dictionary;
I've learned next to nothing.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jul 06 2020
I'm pretty far on the left politically but I'm not involved in any activism
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
In a galaxy far far away
A rebel pilot and an imperial pilot had a race around the deathstar to see who had the faster ship. It was a tie!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
In a village, far far away, two farmers often had a competition within themselves to see who harvests the most every 6 months.
After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...
"You reap what you saw".
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 19 2020
Iβm proud of my son, I never thought heβd go so far
π︎ 99
π
︎ Apr 16 2020
The impact the aeroplaneβs invention has made has been far-reaching
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
In a galaxy far far away!
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Aug 03 2019
Started to learn to tell time on a analog clock last week. So far I can only tell when itβs 6:30
But I got that one hands down.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
Alright now this is too far
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Apr 12 2019
Finally I can see things far away without leaving the couch
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
The local seniors care home rejected my offer to speak to residents about the advantages of being young in far-eastern countries...
apparently it is not "appropriate" to talk to residents about the benefits of youth in asia.
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 31 2020
It's definitely an anomaly as far as leadership successions in modern states go
Yet, here we are. North Korea's Kim Jong is ill once more.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 26 2020
Iβm doing a run of PokΓ©mon: SoulSilver where I name everybody after musical artist puns. Hereβs what Iβve come up with so far- pretty catchy, huh?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Nov 12 2019
I always have heavy security at my far-left political rallies...
No one should ever have unprotected sects.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 07 2020
I let my son wear a Liverpool jersey today. So far heβs been kicked, punched and spit at...
...itβll be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.
π︎ 48
π
︎ Jan 13 2020
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 11 2020
No matter how far you push the envelope...
It'll always be stationery
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jan 17 2020
You know, with everything thatβs happening so far in 2020...
Youβd think someone would have seen it coming
π︎ 50
π
︎ Jan 03 2020
This is by far the best pun of the day , the journalist really drove the message home!
π︎ 6k
π
︎ May 30 2017
I'm trying to compose my first haiku, but so far can only write one line.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 09 2020
Too far
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 27 2019
Darth Vader is far too rich for my blood
His suit alone must have cost an arm and a leg
π︎ 32
π
︎ Dec 13 2019
How far apart are Ireland and Iceland from each other
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 24 2020
Me: I had no idea our daughter would go this far.
My husband: I know, this trebuchet is amazing. Let's get our son!
π︎ 65
π
︎ Jul 13 2020
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