They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
I had a friend in high school that really wanted to become a pilot. His parents hated the idea. Every time he brought it up, they were like
A very brave helicopter pilot
A pilot named Mr. Flewitt 😆
I was really scared when I started as a pilot. I looked down nervously and said: "What are all these buttons for?"
The co-pilot said: "They keep your shirt closed."
Did you hear about a pilot who took his skywriting exam?
He passed it with flying colors
Never ever get on a plane if the pilot is Dutch...
He'll take off and Netherland.
What do you call a monk with a pilot license?
Just had my first day on the job as a co-pilot of the Millenium falcon...
It went well but I made some Wookiee mistakes.
What would you say to a bad pilot?
Why do Russian airline pilots wear wet suits when they fly?
Because zey be flying in the Jetski's.
Why was the German pilot so tired?
He was part of the Schluftwaffe
Why did the pilot get sent to his room
What do you call a plane full of tired pilots?
I hired an ex-pilot to do some painting in my house
He's actually pretty good! He made a great job of the landing.
Why do fighter pilots hate playing golf?
They keep hitting bogeys.
Last time I flew my plane a Navy pilot checked his speed right after me. Ground said he was doing 761 mph.
Knot gonna lie I think he was mach-ing me.
Why did the philosopher quit his job as a pilot?
He wanted to reach a different plane of existence
Why did the Jewish pilot refuse to land at the airport?
Unemployed Pilot (Dad still killing it at 70)
My dad just sent me this (couldn't help but groan, even as a dad myself):
I had a fella in painting and decorating the house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is actually a Ryanair pilot on PUP (Pandemic Unemployment Payment - social welfare in Ireland for those affected by Covid), he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing😬👍
Why did the pilot feel insecure?
His job was always up in the air.
It's the pilot's fault.
See a story about a pilot didn't remember his correct destination. Look at my 19 year old son and say "He just plane forgot!"
His eyes rolled like that boulder in Indiana Jones
Why couldn't Joseph Stalin be a pilot?
Why are pilots so hard to find?
Because they're always in disguise!
I once knew a guy who was a pilot but he wasn't very bright.
All of his friends called him plain stupid.
What's the German WW2 pilot's favourite dessert?
Did you hear about the Tesla on auto-pilot that tried to run over a cop?
It was charged with battery
Had a painter and decorator round this week. He's a furloughed airline pilot...
He made a lovely job of the landing!
You need a pilots license before you become a spy.
After all, you'll be in da skies.
What kind of pizza did the pilot prefer?
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
Twenty One Pilots are not a very successful band
They’re still fairly local
I met a pilot once who said he actually wanted to be a sailor.
He was in the wrong craft.
TIL Older forms of English kept Latin’s gender-specific suffixes -tor and -trix; tor is for men and trix is for women. So a male pilot is an aviator, a female pilot is an aviatrix. A male fighter is a gladiator, a female fighter is a gladiatrix.
This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for both men and women, and trix are for kids.
I'd tell you a pilot joke
But I don't have the right attitude.
I hope yaw appreciate my pitch though
Why did pilots use to have such a hard time flying straight?
All they had was biplanes
Why did the LGBTQ pilot refuse to fly 747s?
He said he prefers bi-planes
Despite being famous for flying, why did Peter Pan make for a terrible pilot?
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
As a pilot in the Navy I have to wake up early in the morning
You know, for my morning portie.
Is it just me or is 21 pilots 19 more than they need?
I have had a decorator in this week. Turns out he is normally a Pilot for BA, but has been furloughed due to Corona.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
Why do Air Force pilots salute differently?
Because they’re above us.
What did the fawning plane propeller say to the pilot once they had landed?
(First day as pilot.)
Me: (looking down nervously) "What are these buttons for?
Co pilot: "They keep your shirt closed."
First day as a pilot....
Me: (Looking down nervously ) "What are these buttons for?"
Co Pilot: "They keep your shirt closed "
my first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
copilot: they keep your shirt closed
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
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