Me: I had no idea our daughter would go this far.
My husband: I know, this trebuchet is amazing. Let's get our son!
Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!
Because he is the supreme ruler.
A geology/geography/aerodynamics study that a sandstorm in Africa can blow sand and dust as far as to even Florida
So anyways, I dust the grains down from africa
So far I've memorized seven pages of this dictionary;
I've learned next to nothing.
Who’s the best basketball player in a galaxy far far away?
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar
In a galaxy far far away
A rebel pilot and an imperial pilot had a race around the deathstar to see who had the faster ship. It was a tie!
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far
In a galaxy far far away, you have to just DEW IT!
In a village, far far away, two farmers often had a competition within themselves to see who harvests the most every 6 months.
After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...
"You reap what you saw".
The impact the aeroplane’s invention has made has been far-reaching
Started to learn to tell time on a analog clock last week. So far I can only tell when it’s 6:30
But I got that one hands down.
Finally I can see things far away without leaving the couch
I’m proud of my son, I never thought he’d go so far
The local seniors care home rejected my offer to speak to residents about the advantages of being young in far-eastern countries...
apparently it is not "appropriate" to talk to residents about the benefits of youth in asia.
When you take a pun too far
It's definitely an anomaly as far as leadership successions in modern states go
Yet, here we are. North Korea's Kim Jong is ill once more.
What do you call a fart joke that’s been pushed to far?
I always have heavy security at my far-left political rallies...
No one should ever have unprotected sects.
In a galaxy far far away!
I let my son wear a Liverpool jersey today. So far he’s been kicked, punched and spit at...
...it’ll be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.
No matter how far you push the envelope...
It'll always be stationery
Alright now this is too far
I’m doing a run of Pokémon: SoulSilver where I name everybody after musical artist puns. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far- pretty catchy, huh?
You know, with everything that’s happening so far in 2020...
You’d think someone would have seen it coming
My friend can only make textiles for people very far away...
I'm trying to compose my first haiku, but so far can only write one line.
How far apart are Ireland and Iceland from each other
Darth Vader is far too rich for my blood
His suit alone must have cost an arm and a leg
I think A Flock of Seagulls were really just trying to tell everyone how far it was to the country...
I hope their wings don't get too tired on the trip. I know I know... I'll see myself out.
My end of the world prediction is pretty far away.
I wouldn't bet on it though. Hindsight's 2080.
How far back in time did the hungry time traveler go?
He went back four seconds
Today has been a great day so far. I rate it 10/10
What do you call milk that's too far away to see?
Most fisherman hold their fish far away from their bodies when they take pictures. This is why they think they're so much bigger than they are.
I moved far away from my parents, but every year around this time I make the trip back because my mom makes this delicious sauce for dinner...
You could say I'm home for the hollandaise.
2019 has been an odd year so far
This is by far the best pun of the day , the journalist really drove the message home!
I've been studying up on my slang and applying that to my pick up game, so far it's been successful.
More of a thot experiment really.
My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the latest Batman film. Our dates so far can be summarised as follows:
Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, Batman
I yelled "hello" to my friend walking far from me. He didn't know whether to merely raise his hand or say "hello" back...
If Spiderman stays with Sony the next movie should be called "Spiderman Far From the MCU"
I was playing soccer and wondered how they could kick the ball so far
Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away
But then I realised I had the binoculars the wrong way round
Found in r/lounge. Without a doubt the best comment chain I have seen so far.
The other night, I asked my dad how far away are we from dinner?
My brother pulled out some measuring tape, asked me to hold one end as he held the other end and walked towards the oven.
".... about 12 feet."
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 bro is basically a certified dad now
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, "Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do." The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, "Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do." Only one man stood under that sign...
Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, “No one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself."
The man shrugged and said, “My wife told me to stand here.”
Some parents go quite far with their methods...
I told my dad I want to see Spider-Man: Far From Home
He said, "But son, it's the same film if you watch it here."
You can throw an envelope as far as you want, but it’ll still be stationery.
Told my son that his Van Gogh obsession has gone too far.
But it just goes in one ear and out the same one.
I cant believe how far virtual reality has come in my lifetime
This might be my proudest dad joke so far
My daughter was meeting Daisy Duck at Disney world this morning and Daisy was signing her autograph book. I mentioned to the Disney cast member who was taking the photos that I didn't know that Daisy was left handed. The cast member said "Maybe she's ambidextrous" to which I replied "I think you mean ambiDUCKstrous".
So far, in 2019, I'm down 100 pounds!
I'm going to cancel my membership on this low stakes UK gambling website.
I saw Michael Stipe from R.E.M. die last night, but so far only two people know.
🎶 That's me and the coroner 🎶
The latest royal baby just began speaking today! No comment from Buckingham Palace so far.
Apparently, Mum's the word.
The r/punpatrol has gone too far! We need to rise up!
"Never thought our child would go that far."
"That trebuchet is really something. Let's get the cat!"
How far can I get...
(True Dad Joke Story)
My friend and I were coming back from golfing on what felt like the hottest day of the year when he got a flat tire on the freeway. We get out, sweat our butts off, and change the tire. I wasn’t sure how far we could go on the spare and I called my dad to see what he thought...
ME: “How far can we get on a donut?”
DAD: “Hmmm I’d probably say till lunch time!”
Needless to say I was not amused at the time - my dad thought he was a genius.
How does a fish talk to it's friends that live far away?
By logging into the Fishnet
My wife looked at me with pride and said, “Wow! I had no idea our son would go so far.”
I said, “Yeah. The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.”
Why do speed metal groups stand so far apart from each other on stage?
Because speed is limited by band width
My boss has been on my case for my unusual use of punctuation, but as far as I'm concerned, it's my asterisk.
My Russian friend told me he always considered himself politically far left.
I simply said “Well, So vi et.”
How far can a dog run into the woods ?
Halfway. After that he’s running out.
Dogs are by far my most family friendly animal.
Why is Saudi Arabia so technologically far behind?
My best work so far.
At work, there was a metal catering tray filled to the brim with cold water sittin' around for no reason so I asked the receptionist/coworker, who has said repeatedly that she just can't stand me, if I should dump it. She looked at me, smiled and said "If you can." I responded "without spilling it?" In a 'of course I'm not going to spill but dont rule it out' way. She said "Yes." Silently giving me good luck. Fortunately, I done did the deed and no brand new flooring was harmed. I then proceeded to google water jokes. After that, I walked up to her desk, glanced into her soul for the slightest moment while greeting, "Hey Sarah" , then I swiftly looked downwards as she asked, "Yeah?" I THEN told her this, "I don't know about you but unlike that cold water I just dumped". I pause, regain eye contact and finished with, "boiling water will be mist."
My 10 year old stood a few feet away from me and asked... Dad? How far away is a stud?
...my mind raced with punchlines of the “about this far” variety. I tried a few on for size.
Then I realized he was looking distraught and realized I was potentially stomping on his blooming dad-joke career. So I stopped and said: “I don’t know son, how far?”
He still looked confused, and then I realized that he for real thought a “stud” was a measure of distance and this was a legit question. So I had to transition into google searching images of wall framing and what studs are. What a roller coaster of dad emotions.
The father tomato said to the child tomato who was far behind him " you better ketchup"
Far more dangerous than his previous job—zebra striper.
If a group of horses are all equally far away from one another, would they be equusdistant?
Making horse jokes with my flatmate and I'm particularly proud of this one.
Someone went too far with a dad joke and named an entire country Hungry
So far, Humpty Dumpty is having a terrible winter
Which sucks because he had a great fall.
Sleep is actually far more important than a lot of people think.
Because at the end of the day, isn't that what it's all about?
Best Pick Up line I know so far
No matter how far you throw an envelope,
It will always be stationary.
No matter how far you push the envelope..
.. it always remains stationary
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
