that's not even remotely funny
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 05 2021
I (Australian dad) have been playing chess remotely against my primary school pen-pal (from Czech Republic) for almost 2 decades. I finally beat him yesterday!
π︎ 126
π
︎ Jun 08 2021
My grown son asked me how I never seemed to lose the tv remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 17 2021
The jokes Iβve heard on Zoom arenβt remotely funny
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 02 2021
The inventor of the remote control has died.
They just don't know where he is.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 17 2021
Bounty Paper Towels has introduced a drone which will retrieve a TV remote from anywhere in your house...
Itβs the βClicker Picker Upper.β
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 02 2021
I trained to work remotely.
Now that I'm far away, I should train back home.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 02 2021
First time I bought a universal remote....
....I said to myself, "This changes everything."
π︎ 101
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
Wife: Babe you keep putting the remote in random places...
Me: Correction, I keep putting the remote in "remote" places. That's where it belongs right?
I got a eye roll and a sigh, score.
π︎ 71
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
Where does the remote go when you canβt find it?
π︎ 42
π
︎ Mar 07 2021
A remote place
π︎ 350
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
Iβm on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Apr 11 2021
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Mar 07 2021
My remote control batteries died today.
So I gave them away, free of charge.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 30 2021
Just don't drop the remote
π︎ 104
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
Remotely Yours
So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.
I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed βyesβ to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.
When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...
Same ssh -t different server...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...
Iβm really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
Just bought one of those βAll4oneβ remotes......
...thought to myself - this changes everything.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
Remote control
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
My dog has learned out to use the TV remote...
All she does is paws and unpaws.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
The chances of seeing two together is quite remote.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
My boss always laughed at my jokes at work but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.
She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."
π︎ 1k
π
︎ May 09 2021
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
Itβs a real game changer
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
I couldn't resist the sexy TV remote
It was an instant turn on
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
I got myself a universal remote control
And man, it changes everything.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, I thought to myself,
π︎ 76
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
Found this gem when sitting in a vacant cube in an office I travelled to this morning to work remotely.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Sep 25 2019
If I could just bring one thing with me to a remote deserted Island..
..then I probably wouldn't bother going.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
I was riding to a beach in this remote part of the district and stopped at this run down petrol pump
A kid was manning the pump and I asked if they take cards
He replies with a straight face : No we give it back after swiping
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
My 7 year old son is remote learning and I walked into the room to find him logged into his class with his back facing the computer screen. I asked, βwhat are you doing?β
He said, βIβm back to school!β
π︎ 12
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
My dog likes stepping on my tv remote
Somehow he'll only ever paws it.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 02 2020
How do you use a remote control to calm down a robot dog?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 31 2020
The most remote place on earth
π︎ 36
π
︎ Mar 26 2020
Whatβs a cats favourite button on the tv remote?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
My uncle always jokes that reaching the remote is middle aged yoga.
I say, Yoga?! Pff, thatβs a stretch.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
My family canβt seem to find the tv remote. Theyβll never find where I hid it.
Itβs in a very remote location.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
I hid the control for the TV
Iβm not even remotely sorry
π︎ 17
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
TV repair during the pandemic has been pretty easy.
Itβs mostly remote work.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
Heβs not remotely sorry
π︎ 27
π
︎ Aug 15 2019
Why couldn't I find the TV remote??
It was in a remote location.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
Everything was fine until I got a universal remote
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
I got a universal remote for Christmas. This changes everything.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 30 2019
My daughter asked me where the remote is.
I told her itβs in a remote location.
π︎ 35
π
︎ May 28 2020
The first time I bought a universal remote control...
...I thought to myself "This changes everything."
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control.
I thought to myself "Well, this changes everything"
π︎ 39
π
︎ Mar 20 2020
The other day I brought myself a universal remote and thought to myself well this changes everything.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Mar 24 2018
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
π︎ 106
π
︎ Sep 03 2019
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