My remote control batteries died today.

So I gave them away, free of charge.

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📅︎ Mar 30 2021
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Remote control
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👤︎ u/Molbbo
📅︎ Dec 25 2020
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I got myself a universal remote control

And man, it changes everything.

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👤︎ u/LMF5000
📅︎ Nov 04 2020
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I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, I thought to myself,

this changes everything

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📅︎ Aug 10 2020
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How do you use a remote control to calm down a robot dog?

Press the paws button.

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👤︎ u/MGreenMN
📅︎ Aug 31 2020
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A man was recently caught for going around the neighborhood stealing power sources from remote controls and raiding spice cabinets.

The Judge found him guilty of a salt and battery

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📅︎ Jul 15 2019
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What's a cat's favorite button on the remote control?

Paws

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📅︎ Feb 13 2018
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If you can't find your universal remote does that mean you've lost all control?
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📅︎ Sep 28 2017
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It has just been announced that the man who designed the TV remote control has died.

But he went the way he wanted. His family said he went missing for 3 days then they found him down the side of the sofa!

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📅︎ Apr 02 2018
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A remote place
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👤︎ u/Elerizo
📅︎ Nov 27 2020
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Why will button controlled remotes always be better than voice command?

It goes without saying.

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📅︎ Feb 26 2018
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What did my dad say when I didnt pass him the remote controller?

"Stop that, it isn't even remotely funny"

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📅︎ Feb 04 2017
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Dadjoke on my feed the other day... imgur.com/SnMZITF
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👤︎ u/Clambake42
📅︎ Nov 15 2013
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Had to pick myself up off the floor after this one..

So here in the UK we have a game show called the cube were contestants complete challenges to win cash. On Saturday night a contestant came on and she only had one hand. She walked away with £20k.

My sister comes out with she has enough money to buy a new hand now and my dad lays this one on us almost instantly

'she'd have to go to a second hand store'

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👤︎ u/MrKeenski
📅︎ Mar 03 2014
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My wife told me I wasn't very good at listening - that it was time to make some changes and she needed some distance.

So I bought her an alarm clock with a remote control.

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👤︎ u/allanon101
📅︎ Feb 12 2020
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My dad and I were having an argument.

When I was four years old, my dad and I got into an argument over who should get the remote control. Because I was significantly smaller and younger, my dad won the argument. I was angry, so I walked my little four year old behind to my grandma's house that was across the street. Grandma wasn't home, but the door was never locked, so I made myself a poptart and proceeded to watch nickelodeon until my mom got home from church. Once I had my fill of fruity pastry and child entertainment I walked back to my house where my mom was screaming at my father. "How could you let a four year old just go like that? Unsupervised!". My dad was silent. My mother continued, " it's like you don't care at all about me or our children!" Still nothing from dad. "Well this is the last straw!" my mom shouted, "I'm leaving you! Do you have anything to say for yourself?" My dad spoke softly, "hi leaving you, I'm dad."

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👤︎ u/Risky_milk
📅︎ Nov 04 2016
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Feb 22 2016
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TV controller

The wife and I were watching TV tonight and i reached to grab the remote. A few seconds later I got up and started running around the room. She asked me 'what's wrong' to which I replied 'I've lost control, I've lost control!'

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👤︎ u/tongchips
📅︎ Jan 10 2015
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My dad's still got it.

I was at my parent's place picking up my little munchkin, when my dad walks up grinning from ear to ear.

Dad: "Hey son, I came up with a new million dollar idea! Want to hear it?"
Me (already rolling eyes): "Sure let's hea--"

Dad: "Well you invent a device that lets you paint pictures on a TV with a remote control. You know, really explore your creativity!"

"I call it Mozart."

He then snorted and slapped his knee.

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👤︎ u/bigDB
📅︎ Dec 03 2014
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Double dadjoked my SO with a classic.

We were sitting chilling on the sofa, watching crap telly, she turned to me and said, "I'm tired".

"Nice to meet you tired, I'm Simon"

She's well used to my shit, so she fixed me with a steely gaze, totally unimpressed, and barked, "You're so funny".

"No, I'm Simon. I just told you that".

I snickered silently to myself as I ducked under the remote control that was thrown -hard- at my head.

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📅︎ Jan 15 2015
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I was studying biology with my dad

Dad: "What would you call the plate without the ampicillin?"
Me: "The control"
Dad: "And what if it were really far away from the other plates?"
Me: "Um, I don't know"
Dad: "The remote control!"

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👤︎ u/buckets41
📅︎ Feb 07 2014
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My kids think they can control the Apple TV with their mind

You can get an app on your iPhone/iPad that acts as a remote control to Apple TV. Using this, I have convinced my kids that you can control the Apple TV by thought alone. They practice by yelling out commands to the TV which I then do from another room.

In addition to that, I sometimes pause shows, fast forward, rewind, skip tracks, etc., at random times. I have the kids convinced that the other one must have accidentally thought something a bit too loudly. They fight over it while I sit the other room, silently laughing myself to death.

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📅︎ Aug 09 2013
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The first time I bought a universal remote control...

...I thought to myself "This changes everything."

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👤︎ u/MacItaly
📅︎ Jul 14 2020
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I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control.

I thought to myself "Well, this changes everything"

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📅︎ Mar 20 2020
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I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought: "Well this changes everything!"
👍︎ 6k
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👤︎ u/hakced
📅︎ Jun 20 2016
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The first time I got a universal remote control

I thought to myself, "This changes everything!"

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👤︎ u/IMEI21
📅︎ Jun 14 2019
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I lost my remote control

Its in a remote location

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📅︎ Feb 16 2017
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The first time I got a universal remote controller, I thought to myself...

This changes everything!

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📅︎ Oct 22 2019
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The other day I brought myself a universal remote and thought to myself well this changes everything.
👍︎ 3k
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👤︎ u/ashwinvias
📅︎ Mar 24 2018
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