Why should you never wear moccasins outside during Winter?

Because it can get a little slippery out there.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorJoss
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the fruit that is green on the outside and red with black seeds on the inside, the name start with an H

Half a watermelon

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?

K9P.

πŸ‘︎ 503
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Ewoks aren't meant to be left outside...

...their Endor pets.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Piggster30
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
If I could watch myself tell a bad joke outside

I’ll see myself out

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aschtopher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
There is a sign outside my local library that says 'Watch for Cars'

Its a pretty good deal

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Om_Nair
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

(credit: Groucho Marx)

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4-8Newday
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
If you had a choice of eating your lunch outside or watching the Nickelodeon network, what would you do?

I’d Pick Nick.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I'll never walk down the hall, outside the church, near the courtyard...

I'm cloisterphobic

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...

"...mountains peak!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
It is raining cats and dogs outside.

I almost stepped in a poodle.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/modernalchemist2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife locked me outside the house coz she got tired of my wordplay jokes

I texted "Oh Pun the Door"

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My Roomba accidentally went outside our front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Parked outside my favourite restaurant and ended up with a parking ticket...

Fined dining.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was disappointed at my idea to put her shoes outside last night......

I thought I'd just put the Fila's out there

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wavepoolsquad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
You know that it is cold outside when

You go outside and it is cold.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JadedByEntropy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.

Turns out he was full of shit.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fightswithbears
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Campers are so passionate about where they sleep outside.

They’re in tents

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssee1848
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I let my cat outside today but when I started listening to Daft Punk she rushed back inside

I guess she is more of a house cat

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limehulio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are accountants scared to go outside?

Because it's accrual world out there.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/muito_ricardo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog has been chewing on sticks when let her outside.

Now she barks out of both ends.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loddytoddy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The Government Accidentally Built A Prison Outside My Home,

I Guess You Could Say I'm Under House Arrest.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MichiMichu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
When it's not raining, snowing or hot outside, what is it?

Icy how it is...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight

Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I rescued her!...Or....should I say captured her?"

Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"

Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"

Boy 1: "No, you CAT cat-ture Hazel!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Named a gecko I let back outside.

His name is Detail. Cuz I de-tailed him by accident.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pax_flash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Janice stepped outside to wish the mailman a good afternoon. "Good afternoon, mailman!" Said Janice.

The mailman responded with, "And a good afternoon to you, Femalewoman!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do volunteers clean up outside of libraries?

Literature.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squasher04
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy said that it is Chile outside

But I’m pretty sure I’m still in the US

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onionthe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.

The Warden said "he's a little condescending"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the security outside of a SAMSUNG store?

Guardian of the galaxy

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zayer96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store.

The poster reads:

"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."

The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.

30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.

"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.

20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running website for the store.

He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."

The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.

"There's no way you're bilingual."

The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juicy-tomato
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to get a haircut on Saturday but the line outside was huge when l got there.

Then the owner came out giving free burgers and hotdogs to everybody there.

It was the best barber queue ever!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Its chilly outside today
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legandoflink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If it's dark outside, how does a cowboy find his way?

With Saddle-Lights!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw this sitting outside my house and had to take advantage of it
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katquizzity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fight outside the chip shop the other day?

Two fish got battered

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought I just saw a flying sausage outside my window, but it was actually a migratory bird.

Looks like I’ve taken a tern for the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Windy246
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Found this outside my apartment, must be a HALL-epeΓ±o!
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConnanMoody
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I always take my mask off before going outside.

I'm afraid I'll wear it out.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...

...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œPoor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, β€œSo how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, β€œYou’re the eighth.”

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the sign say outside the fishing hole in Chernobyl?

Gone. Fission.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbt711
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If you are born in a car and die outside, you are literally

Carbon Dioxide

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tutrois
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a guy standing outside for hours yesterday. I asked β€œAre you okay?” He said...

β€œYeah, I’m outstanding.”

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If H20 is inside a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?

K9P.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
You know it’s cold outside

When you go outside and it’s cold.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
If H2O is inside a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?

K9-Pee

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Ewoks aren’t meant to be left outside....

They’re Endor pets.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chunkythong
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
If it's dark outside, how does a cowboy find his way?

With saddle lights!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report

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