True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
I took my new cat back to the shop as it won't come in doors and just keeps running round the outside of my house.
The shop keeper refused to take it back saying that I asked for a lap cat!
Thousands of people are waiting outside of Nadame Tussauds in London
They are waiting to get waxinated...
Edit: misspelled Madame, but can't change the title
What do you call an Irishman you can leave outside all night in the rain?
Paddy O'Furniture!
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
For the first time in 6 months, it was warm enough to go outside in just a t-shirt today.
I probably should have worn pants, too.
I'm thinking about covering the outside of my house in unhatched chickens
My wife says it will look too boring, but I think it will be egg siding.
Lately I’ve been storing all my extra change in some bushes outside.
I’m starting my own hedge fund.
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, “What’s it like Outside Right Now?” She replies,
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
“Poor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
If you are born in a car and die outside, you are literally
What's the sign say outside the fishing hole in Chernobyl?
I was robbed outside and went in to report the crime. When I walked in, someone asked me what it was like outside.
I said, “it’s a bit muggy.”
Cam a vampire go outside while it's raining in Africa
Chalk boards are no longer being used in schools, so when the last school finally took them down to install smart boards, the teachers gathered all the writing utensils from them and had a large bon fire just outside the school. It smelled so good.
Why doesn't Mrs Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear
My son asked me to play catch with him outside in the fog.
He threw the first one and I mist.
My girlfriend just can't resist swimming in those water features outside of Japanese restaurants.
She just loves playing Koi.
When I walked outside in my bathrobe, someone told me I looked like a monk.
I told them I wouldn't make it a habit.
Security Guard: You can’t bring outside food in here.
Me: it’s a service burrito.
I saw my friend standing outside in the rain, smoking a joint.
I said, “This is fine. As long as you don’t in hail.”
Remember guys, the weather is hot outside so we shouldn’t be leaving our dogs in our cars
What's Irish and sits outside in the summer?
I think there should be a summer reading program for kids urging them to read before going outside to play in the water. It could be called...
I was standing outside in my driveway last night and the newspaper delivery guy drove by and threw a newspaper in my driveway...
I said "Hey pal, I got news for you, too!".
Its 80 degrees outside and my co-worker is wearing a sweater in this heat
When I asked him about it he said "I'm just that cool"
My son like to play hopscotch outside in front of the house with his friends
But in my driveway is where I draw the line!
My Dad: If you're French when you're outside and Dutch in the hallway, what are you when you're in the bathroom?
You should always look outside your shower in case there's a Pokemon that might pikachu.
I have seasonal allergies. A few days ago I walked outside and sneezed and my dad said I wouldn't have allergy problems if flowers could just keep it in their plants
A fireman was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon, with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle...
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and cat.
"That sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman said with admiration.
"Thanks!" the girl replied.
The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
The fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
My son ran in the house and exclaimed that he'd seen a bee outside
Me: Did it sting you?
Son: No
Me: Well at least it bee hived itself
Son: Daaaaaaddd, that is not funny
I know on the outside I look competent, but deep down I have a debilitating fear that I'm actually in a bowl of spaghetti…
I guess you could say I have In-pasta Syndrome...
Why should you stand in a corner when it's cold outside?
How is South Park received in countries outside the U.S?
Through their television sets.
credit: http://bit.ly/1K3ZWsc
It's really hot outside in Texas and my dad said this about our dogs.
Him: if in July we have hot dogs what do we have in February?
Me: what, dad?
Him: chili dogs!
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