that's not even remotely funny
I (Australian dad) have been playing chess remotely against my primary school pen-pal (from Czech Republic) for almost 2 decades. I finally beat him yesterday!
My grown son asked me how I never seemed to lose the tv remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
The jokes I’ve heard on Zoom aren’t remotely funny
The inventor of the remote control has died.
They just don't know where he is.
Bounty Paper Towels has introduced a drone which will retrieve a TV remote from anywhere in your house...
It’s the “Clicker Picker Upper.”
I trained to work remotely.
Now that I'm far away, I should train back home.
First time I bought a universal remote....
....I said to myself, "This changes everything."
Wife: Babe you keep putting the remote in random places...
Me: Correction, I keep putting the remote in "remote" places. That's where it belongs right?
I got a eye roll and a sigh, score.
Where does the remote go when you can’t find it?
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
My remote control batteries died today.
So I gave them away, free of charge.
Just don't drop the remote
Remotely Yours
So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.
I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed “yes” to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.
When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...
Same ssh -t different server...
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...
I’m really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.
Just bought one of those ‘All4one’ remotes......
...thought to myself - this changes everything.
My dog has learned out to use the TV remote...
All she does is paws and unpaws.
The chances of seeing two together is quite remote.
My boss always laughed at my jokes at work but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.
She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
I couldn't resist the sexy TV remote
It was an instant turn on
I got myself a universal remote control
And man, it changes everything.
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, I thought to myself,
Found this gem when sitting in a vacant cube in an office I travelled to this morning to work remotely.
If I could just bring one thing with me to a remote deserted Island..
..then I probably wouldn't bother going.
My 7 year old son is remote learning and I walked into the room to find him logged into his class with his back facing the computer screen. I asked, “what are you doing?”
He said, “I’m back to school!”
I was riding to a beach in this remote part of the district and stopped at this run down petrol pump
A kid was manning the pump and I asked if they take cards
He replies with a straight face : No we give it back after swiping
My dog likes stepping on my tv remote
Somehow he'll only ever paws it.
How do you use a remote control to calm down a robot dog?
The most remote place on earth
What’s a cats favourite button on the tv remote?
My uncle always jokes that reaching the remote is middle aged yoga.
I say, Yoga?! Pff, that’s a stretch.
My family can’t seem to find the tv remote. They’ll never find where I hid it.
It’s in a very remote location.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry
TV repair during the pandemic has been pretty easy.
Why couldn't I find the TV remote??
It was in a remote location.
Everything was fine until I got a universal remote
I got a universal remote for Christmas. This changes everything.
My daughter asked me where the remote is.
I told her it’s in a remote location.
The first time I bought a universal remote control...
...I thought to myself "This changes everything."
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control.
I thought to myself "Well, this changes everything"
The other day I brought myself a universal remote and thought to myself well this changes everything.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
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