A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
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︎ May 23 2021
Need a new roof? Let me recommend my sisterβs all female company...
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︎ May 30 2021
how much does a roof cost ?
nothing - itβs on the house
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Asked my contractor why he didnβt bill me for my new roof
He said βDonβt worry about it, itβs on the house!β
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︎ Apr 25 2021
My roof caved in on me... and I no longer feel safe.
I think I have truss issues
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︎ May 12 2021
I can't stop climbing up through the garage to the roof...
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︎ May 15 2021
Two cats are on a metal roof. Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest ΞΌ
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︎ Apr 28 2021
In these challenging times, I worry about the virus and keeping a roof over my head.
So I went and got the shingles vaccine.
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︎ Apr 08 2021
I decided to throw a block of butter off my roof today...
I guess i could say that i saw a butterfly
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︎ Feb 26 2021
I have a great joke about the floor and the roof.
It has a lot of potential.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, βDad get out of the way!β
I said, βYouβre the ones blocking!β
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︎ Jun 27 2020
Sister: we'll also need to find out about how much a new roof costs.
Me: contractors do that for free.
Sister: really?
Me: yeah, it's on the house.
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Saw some cows on the roof playing poker...
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
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︎ Mar 05 2021
We need to be very careful about collapsing Wall Street so we donβt get crushed by Roof Street
Posted on shower thoughts first, they told me to bring it here. I should have thought of that first. Anyways here ya go.
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︎ Jan 28 2021
What sound did the piano make when it was thrown off the barracks roof?
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︎ Jan 25 2021
The Russian president was spotted on the roof of a hotel.
At that point, he was truly Putin on the Ritz.
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︎ Jan 20 2021
Tongue, Teeth, Saliva, Roof, Soft Palate, Hard Palate, Uvuula, Taste Buds, Gums...
Wow, that was really a mouthful...
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Two antennas met on a roof and fell in love
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible
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︎ Nov 19 2020
My mate tiled my roof for me.
When I asked him how much I owed him, he said, "Don't worry. It's on the house."
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︎ Oct 26 2020
Wanna hear a roof joke?
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︎ Jul 07 2020
Had dinner with my gf on the roof...
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Roof leaking
I've been having issues with the roof leaking into the storage space below it. It's being very problem attic
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Two antenna met on a roof and eventually got married
The ceremony wasnβt much but the reception was incredible
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︎ Nov 14 2020
Why was the dumb person on the roof of a bar?
Someone told them the drinks were on the house
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︎ Oct 02 2020
Our house got hit with a pretty big storm last night and I lost 25% of my roof.
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︎ Aug 23 2020
A little moron and a big moron were shingling a steep roof when suddenly the scaffolding collapsed. They both slid down the roof and stopped at the very edge, and then one fell off. Which one?
The big moron. The other one was a little more on.
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︎ Oct 12 2020
Did you hear about the kindergarten where the roof collapsed?
Thankfully, it only caused minor injuries.
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︎ Jul 31 2020
Did you hear about those policemen on whom the roof fell?
They are now undercover cops.
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︎ Sep 28 2020
What do you call a man on a roof with no way down?
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︎ Aug 27 2020
My neighbor shingled my roof for free
He said it was on the house
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︎ Feb 06 2020
What should you say if a tornado blows off 25% of your roof?
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︎ Jun 02 2020
I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup to the roof of my car
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︎ Aug 30 2020
A slate came off the roof and sliced a builders ear off.
We all looked for the ear so we could take it to hospital to get it sewn on.
Whats this here. And shows us a bloody ear.
The builder said i dont know whos that ear is its not mine.
How can you tell we asked.
Cos mine had a pencil behind it!
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︎ Oct 01 2020
I told the salesman I was looking for something cheap, manufactured by Ford, and preferably with a retractable roof...
He directed me to the affordable section
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︎ Aug 06 2020
I'd tell you a joke about a roof...
But it would be over your head.
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︎ Apr 18 2020
I'm putting an addition on my roof.
It's a little room where I can sit and watch movies like The Godfather and Apocalypse Now.
It's a Francis Ford Cupola.
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︎ Sep 02 2020
What's that thing on the roof? Just a cupola windows.
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︎ Mar 17 2020
My wife is mad at me because I took a shit on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean ?
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︎ Aug 15 2020
My wife and 2yo were just watching Paw Patrol. There is a cow mooing into a cell phone to video chat with the team to ask for help for a cat stuck on the roof.
I told my wife "That cat would have way more grip on roof shingles and I expect more I realism from talking cartoon cows. This is "UDDERLY" ridiculous."
She may have buried her head and avoided eye contact for a bit. I was proud.
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︎ Aug 23 2020
How much does a roof cost?
Nothing, it's on the house...
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︎ Jun 01 2021
How much does a roof cost?
Nothing - it's on the house!
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︎ May 27 2021
How much does a roof cost?
Nothing.... it's on the house bah dum tsss
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︎ Jun 02 2021
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night
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︎ Dec 05 2020
How much does a roof cost?
Nothing, it's on the house
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︎ Aug 13 2020
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night
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︎ Jul 11 2019
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night
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︎ Aug 20 2020
A storm blew away 75% of my roof
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︎ Aug 20 2020
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