A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....

..... oof !!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Need a new roof? Let me recommend my sister’s all female company...

All the Shingle Ladies.

πŸ‘︎ 507
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
how much does a roof cost ?

nothing - it’s on the house

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/romnewz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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Asked my contractor why he didn’t bill me for my new roof

He said β€œDon’t worry about it, it’s on the house!”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JAK-the-YAK
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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My roof caved in on me... and I no longer feel safe.

I think I have truss issues

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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I can't stop climbing up through the garage to the roof...

I think I'm an attic

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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Two cats are on a metal roof. Which one slides off first?

The one with the lowest ΞΌ

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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In these challenging times, I worry about the virus and keeping a roof over my head.

So I went and got the shingles vaccine.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reedandsue
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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I decided to throw a block of butter off my roof today...

I guess i could say that i saw a butterfly

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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I have a great joke about the floor and the roof.

It has a lot of potential.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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Sister: we'll also need to find out about how much a new roof costs.

Me: contractors do that for free. Sister: really? Me: yeah, it's on the house.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spikey_mikey_86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Saw some cows on the roof playing poker...

It was high steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EverythingAndNot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...

The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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We need to be very careful about collapsing Wall Street so we don’t get crushed by Roof Street

Posted on shower thoughts first, they told me to bring it here. I should have thought of that first. Anyways here ya go.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levainletlive
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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What sound did the piano make when it was thrown off the barracks roof?

A flat major.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
The Russian president was spotted on the roof of a hotel.

At that point, he was truly Putin on the Ritz.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Tongue, Teeth, Saliva, Roof, Soft Palate, Hard Palate, Uvuula, Taste Buds, Gums...

Wow, that was really a mouthful...

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antennas met on a roof and fell in love

The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepyPastaKing1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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My mate tiled my roof for me.

When I asked him how much I owed him, he said, "Don't worry. It's on the house."

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Wanna hear a roof joke?

It’s on the house

πŸ‘︎ 229
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jtfiction
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Had dinner with my gf on the roof...

It was an update

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/d7my_d7oom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Roof leaking

I've been having issues with the roof leaking into the storage space below it. It's being very problem attic

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cprenaveau
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Two antenna met on a roof and eventually got married

The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was incredible

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Connor0388
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the dumb person on the roof of a bar?

Someone told them the drinks were on the house

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MinionKeys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Our house got hit with a pretty big storm last night and I lost 25% of my roof.

Oof.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A little moron and a big moron were shingling a steep roof when suddenly the scaffolding collapsed. They both slid down the roof and stopped at the very edge, and then one fell off. Which one?

The big moron. The other one was a little more on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the kindergarten where the roof collapsed?

Thankfully, it only caused minor injuries.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andrelse
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about those policemen on whom the roof fell?

They are now undercover cops.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rawSingularity
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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What do you call a man on a roof with no way down?

Stuck.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gogorenascence
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor shingled my roof for free

He said it was on the house

πŸ‘︎ 514
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What should you say if a tornado blows off 25% of your roof?

Oof

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simwalkedaway
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup to the roof of my car

Now everyone waves at me

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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A slate came off the roof and sliced a builders ear off.

We all looked for the ear so we could take it to hospital to get it sewn on. Whats this here. And shows us a bloody ear. The builder said i dont know whos that ear is its not mine. How can you tell we asked. Cos mine had a pencil behind it!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I told the salesman I was looking for something cheap, manufactured by Ford, and preferably with a retractable roof...

He directed me to the affordable section

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kTim314
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I'd tell you a joke about a roof...

But it would be over your head.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/funkhammer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm putting an addition on my roof.

It's a little room where I can sit and watch movies like The Godfather and Apocalypse Now.
It's a Francis Ford Cupola.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheREALProfPyro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What's that thing on the roof? Just a cupola windows.
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaboogami
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is mad at me because I took a shit on the roof...

How can I wipe the slate clean ?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ginja_101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and 2yo were just watching Paw Patrol. There is a cow mooing into a cell phone to video chat with the team to ask for help for a cat stuck on the roof.

I told my wife "That cat would have way more grip on roof shingles and I expect more I realism from talking cartoon cows. This is "UDDERLY" ridiculous."

She may have buried her head and avoided eye contact for a bit. I was proud.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trich101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does a roof cost?

Nothing, it's on the house...

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitalily
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a roof cost?

Nothing - it's on the house!

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xAnxietyPrimex
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
🚨︎ report
How much does a roof cost?

Nothing.... it's on the house bah dum tsss

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TaterRae94
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night

Oof

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does a roof cost?

Nothing, it's on the house

πŸ‘︎ 347
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night

oof

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night

Oof.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A storm blew away 75% of my roof

F

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krish_talesara
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report

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