This was before I learned the true meaning of “safe sex.”
He raised the bar.
They just arrived. Safe and sound
Found this on a text message from someone's actual dad
They arrived safe and sound
I felt rubbish.
They end up getting trapped inside over night. The next morning the cops find them in the vault after being called in.
The detective at the scene notices the robbers had explosives with them and asks, "why did you not blow yourselves out to escape?"
To which one of the robbers replies, "it's better to be in safe than sorry"
That’s my own dam vault.
Sorry, it's my vault.
Me: Dad, do you need these?
Dad (with a shit-eating grin): YES! In fact, I was going to put them in the bank. Then it would be a pole vault!
Bonus rebuttal! My husband (not a dad): Look, do you want us to help you or not?
This is from an actual IM chat I had with someone a while back. This was all on impulse. Nothing was planned.
ME: The main reason you want a strong lock is not because they're unbreakable, but because your neighbor should be the easier target.
HIM: Ayup. Although if you want an impenetrable lock, might I recommend Benson's Black Hole Vaults?
ME: I'd want to be able to get my stuff out, again, too.
HIM: Wait long enough. It'll evaporate out.
ME: ... in the same state in which I deposited it in the vault.
HIM: Don't want much, do you?
ME: I could try to sell the stuff in its evaporated state ... But I don't like hawking radiation.
HIM: boo HISS