Its a poulterheist
... I’ve been playing too much phasmophobia
This was before I learned the true meaning of “safe sex.”
Needless to say, my plans were foiled
He raised the bar.
They just arrived. Safe and sound
Found this on a text message from someone's actual dad
I felt rubbish.
The buyers loved that it was fully fernished with a vaulted ceiling
That’s my own dam vault.
Sorry, it's my vault.
Me: Dad, do you need these?
Dad (with a shit-eating grin): YES! In fact, I was going to put them in the bank. Then it would be a pole vault!
Bonus rebuttal! My husband (not a dad): Look, do you want us to help you or not?
This is from an actual IM chat I had with someone a while back. This was all on impulse. Nothing was planned.
ME: The main reason you want a strong lock is not because they're unbreakable, but because your neighbor should be the easier target.
HIM: Ayup. Although if you want an impenetrable lock, might I recommend Benson's Black Hole Vaults?
ME: I'd want to be able to get my stuff out, again, too.
HIM: Wait long enough. It'll evaporate out.
ME: ... in the same state in which I deposited it in the vault.
HIM: Don't want much, do you?
ME: I could try to sell the stuff in its evaporated state ... But I don't like hawking radiation.
HIM: boo HISS