In the Vault Puns

Needless to say, my plans were foiled

Me: Dad, do you need these?

Dad (with a shit-eating grin): YES! In fact, I was going to put them in the bank. Then it would be a pole vault!

Bonus rebuttal! My husband (not a dad): Look, do you want us to help you or not?

This is from an actual IM chat I had with someone a while back. This was all on impulse. Nothing was planned.

ME: The main reason you want a strong lock is not because they're unbreakable, but because your neighbor should be the easier target.

HIM: Ayup. Although if you want an impenetrable lock, might I recommend Benson's Black Hole Vaults?

ME: I'd want to be able to get my stuff out, again, too.

HIM: Wait long enough. It'll evaporate out.

ME: ... in the same state in which I deposited it in the vault.

HIM: Don't want much, do you?

ME: I could try to sell the stuff in its evaporated state ... But I don't like hawking radiation.

HIM: boo HISS