I tried to rob a bank but the vault was covered in a thin layer of aluminum

Needless to say, my plans were foiled

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElizaWolf8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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Did you hear about the man who invented a more efficient way to set up the high jump and pole vault?

He raised the bar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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I just sold a house with ferns throughout and a safe in the attic

The buyers loved that it was fully fernished with a vaulted ceiling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MLaBolle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I was helping my dad move stuff out of his storage unit when I came across a stack of metal rods.

Me: Dad, do you need these?

Dad (with a shit-eating grin): YES! In fact, I was going to put them in the bank. Then it would be a pole vault!

Bonus rebuttal! My husband (not a dad): Look, do you want us to help you or not?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pollyatomic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2014
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Instant Message Excerpt:

This is from an actual IM chat I had with someone a while back. This was all on impulse. Nothing was planned.

ME: The main reason you want a strong lock is not because they're unbreakable, but because your neighbor should be the easier target.

HIM: Ayup. Although if you want an impenetrable lock, might I recommend Benson's Black Hole Vaults?

ME: I'd want to be able to get my stuff out, again, too.

HIM: Wait long enough. It'll evaporate out.

ME: ... in the same state in which I deposited it in the vault.

HIM: Don't want much, do you?

ME: I could try to sell the stuff in its evaporated state ... But I don't like hawking radiation.

HIM: boo HISS

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Myntrith
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2015
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At the Bank

My girlfriend works at the bank. "Why is the vault so cold?" "Well because if the money gets warm it gets soft." "Really?" "Yeah. People want cold, hard cash."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrippingYellow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
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