"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.

She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of tight spaces at Christmastime?

He had Santa Claustrophobia.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyBullJones
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother and I are on a tight deadline to make Dracula action figures.

I have to make every second Count.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fear of Germans in tight spaces?

Klaustrophobia

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
As a single dad money can be tight. But even when I’m on a date and I know I’m not attracted to her, I still like to get the door for her and let her walk through. It makes her feel appreciated.

And it makes it easier to slam the door and run so I don’t have to pay for dinner.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skullchin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Introducing the new rhyme speaking Green Onion with the super tight back beat! Please welcome the one! The only---

Rapscallion!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother and I make Dracula action figures for a living, and we are on a really tight deadline.

I have to make every second Count.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Sleep tight
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I said to my wife β€œI hate to tell you this babe, but your bathing suit is too revealing and tight”

She said β€œthen wear your own one then”

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
(I made this one myself) what do you call two men boxing on a tight rope

Punchline

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trumpigator38
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
As we were getting ready to go to the beach, I reluctantly said to my wife, "I hate to say this honey, but your bikini is kinda tight and revealing." She giggled and said...

"Well then, you'd better wear your own!"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I have an ugly, tight pair of shorts that I only wear when every other pair is dirty.

They’re my last re-shorts!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are tight pants like a cheap hotel?

No ballroom

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpecOpsAlpha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an old lady in a tight spot?

Cram-ma

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/carnival_k
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Brining pickles makes them last much longer than fresh cucumbers, but packing them in air-tight containers…

That's what really seals the dill.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Who_GNU
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought really tight shirt would look good on me

But I just couldn't pull them off

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YottaDren
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?

Claw-strophobic

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/floof_sheep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
why did the cannibal eat the tight rope walker first thing in the morning?

it's all part of a balanced breakfast.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasismyname_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the lion eat the tight rope walker?

He wanted a balanced meal.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taylyn_conner
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the circus lion eat the tight rope walker?

He needed a balanced meal

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShaquielleOFeel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the lion eat the tight rope walker?

He wanted a balanced breakfast

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwesomeGuyGaming
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Son, hold on tight to your beer ...

... it is very hoppy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rawSingularity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
So I came up with a comic strip about some overweight guy trying to buy some tight pants.

And the publishers told me that " It's a stretch."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FurriesRGay14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I have tight too diabetes

I've been eating a lot of candy and when I put any clothes on I say "these are tight too!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CudaRavage
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
People that hand make wool sweaters are part of a tight knit group.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Tight leather jackets are hard to pull off.
πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enhancin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2015
🚨︎ report
I tried wearing tight jeans once

I couldn't pull them off.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My son just lost a tight race in his primary election after I was physically withheld and denied the right to vote.

Sucks. He would have made a great second grade treasurer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I was doing some research on how to rotate a toilet in a tight space and saw this old man.

https://i.imgur.com/gmTr0p8.png

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/burnsz11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Tried to pull a shirt tight on the hanger to iron it without an ironing board.

Tried to pull it tight, but pulled it loose.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asjlaj
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Hold me tight
πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikiekwoods
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2013
🚨︎ report
"My ring feels tight"

Maybe you ate too much finger food.

Context: Myself, my father and my gilfriend chatting around the fire. My dad made the comment about his wedding right feeling tight in the heat and my girlfriend make the joke. I like her.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DangerousPerson9
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Did you know that all of the seasons are named after a tight coil of metal?

Except for winter, summer and autumn...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife got a ladder in her tights.

She truly is the most talented shopliter ever.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KindButthole
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Tights

So my younger sister is on the phone with a sales person from hot topic. she asked "yeah, and do you have the matching skeleton leggings?" my dad laughs and replies "Skeleton?! those are gonna be really tight!"

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShamusTheClown
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2013
🚨︎ report
Changing my brakes on my jeep with my dad and the lugnuts were on super tight.

My dad goes, "This is a wheel pain in the ass."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealSteele
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2014
🚨︎ report
My brother and I are on a tight deadline to make a bunch of Dracula action figures.

I have to make every second Count.

πŸ‘︎ 433
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother and I are on a tight deadline to make Dracula action figures.

I have to make every second Count.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report

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