I Wanna Be Deflated.
It was the wurst.
It'd make cents off so many levels.
It was a vial substance.
You get a womb with a view.
It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.
Can you put it on my bill?
It was good to strengthen our bond.
"Ok, well, I've got a tube of glue"
"Ha, I've got an entire tin of glue"
"I've got... Bread"
"Damn it, you win. I can't handle that with my glue tin 'n taller ants"
...would it have windows?
My daughter saw this joke on YouTube and I thought y’all would appreciate it.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
He went from barking to tooting in 15 minutes
She still isn’t talking to me
PS. This is a cross post from r/ShittyLifeProTips
It's been a week and she's still not talking to me
I just tell her I hadn't noticed a vas deferens
We should definitely make America grate again.
Because they have no feet!
(Courtesy of Snake Discovery on YouTube)
She knew how to carry The One
"just put it on my bill"
Thanks in advance!
Nope. There's a vas deferens.
(For those who skipped HS Biology - NSFW)
of course they were YouTube socks! https://i.imgur.com/iKyHpRn.jpg
A boy and girl (about 14/15) were arguing about what trains they should take to get to their destination. Although friendly the argument got pretty loud and their other friend (boy, same age) says:
"Hey, no need to go off the rails....geddit?"
He looked really pleased with himself they didn't even laugh.
As I got off I looked at him, nodded and said "Nice" and he said "Thank you".
I forgot to mention that his girl friend might be pregnant.
Hey dad are you alright?
Yeah, but that sure was some strong cough-ee!
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
Me: While I was in the shower the water pressure wasn’t right, and I noticed the tubing on the handheld shower head is bent out of shape.
Wife: OK. Are you going to fix it?
Me: Eventually. But I have to confess something. I went ahead and used it this morning the way it is. Are you upset?
Wife: Upset? No. Why?
Me: Well, I think most wives would be pretty mad if they heard their husband had been taking a shower with some kinky hose.
Him: "Should we take this way out or that way out?"
Me: "That way out looks way out"
...wife mentions getting off at Barking. "That's where all the dogs live." Goes completely over his young kids head, wife gives him the 'you're an idiot' stare.
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!