Do you know the hit Ramones song that was originally about inner tubing?

I Wanna Be Deflated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Today I purchased an inexpensive watering tube.

For some reason, my wife gets upset when I say I bought some cheap hose.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quixote-Esque
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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What's the best thing about being a test tube baby?

You get a womb with a view.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johno_mendo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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What do you call a tube you can see things crashing in?

A collide-o-scope.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vivvav
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It’s been a week now and she’s still not talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joachim_s
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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What do you call a bunch of people in a car driving through a big tube?

Carpool Tunnel

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimeRocker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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I phone, you tube. We talk.
πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aashma360
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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From all tubed meat I have tasted, this one was really bad.

It was the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaystibelman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Make two rectangles out of a diamond using one line

This was a problem on my step sons homework. No matter what, he couldn't seem to grasp it. So, I grabbed some post-it notes, turned it to a diamond and said "this is a diamond correct?" he says yes. I then turn the post-it notes a few degrees and say "this is a square correct?" And he instantly got what he had to do. I then threw out this, grade "A" knee slapper of a line "Diamonds are just crooked squares, you can't trust'em".

I think I'm gonna put on my jorts and tube socks now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigbore_729
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?

Twice dragons.

Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use β€œWreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyouβ€˜s for the kind words and awards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jruff84
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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I work as a quality control specialist for my local toothpaste company

every tube so far has been in mint condition

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moredripthanafrog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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The headline writer for this article had waited years for this moment. Though it is rumoured his final idea came to him on the tube... bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england…
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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My friend tried to get me to join his MLM scheme of selling devices for establishing a horizontal line by means of a bubble in a liquid that shows adjustment to the horizontal by movement to the center of a glass tube...

It'd make cents off so many levels.

/edit:rephrased punchline

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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Archimedes was sat around thinking of names for the fluid expulsion tube in the human body. Suddenly, he knew the perfect name, stood up, and shouted-

"URETHRA!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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I made the mistake of drinking the liquid from a scientist’s test tube.

It was a vial substance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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I didn't know test tubes were this colourful.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dz959
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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Suddenly YouTube is recommending me nothing but climate change videos

Praise the YouTube Al-Gore-Rythym

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazloDaLlama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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What's the name of a nurse who inserts plastic tubes into people?

Catherine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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I finally purchased a new tube of Fixodent Denture Adhesive Cream for my wife and me!

It was good to strengthen our bond.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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What do you call a piece of tube-shaped pasta that watched too much anime?

Arigatoni.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
🚨︎ report
If soft drinks came long, thin, wooden tubes, it would be fantastick.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkDeathDragon
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.

Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/j_jolly_04
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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So a blonde girl is deciding to be a videogame Youtuber....

After she makes and edits her video she starts to take pictures of her hands. Her mom walks by seeing this and asks "Why are you taking so many pictures of your thumbs?". The blond girl replies " If you want people to watch your YouTube videos you gotta have great thumbnail pictures."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amart1985
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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I'll never understand how Americans use cheese from tubes or slices as everyday food...

We should definitely make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/newbieatthegym
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2016
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My wife really knows how to hold a grudge, she asked for a tube of lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tub of glue

She still isn’t talking to me

PS. This is a cross post from r/ShittyLifeProTips

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AjIsMySlave
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London tube

He went from barking to tooting in 15 minutes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/K00lguy720
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
[Request] Looking for puns about "tubes"? My pun-loving friend just had emergency surgery to remove her Fallopian tube and I'd like to cheer her up!

Thanks in advance!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dar_Winning
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2016
🚨︎ report
A duck walked into a drugstore to buy a tube of chapstick. he told the cashier:

"just put it on my bill"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryingAsparagus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2017
🚨︎ report
"I've got ants" "Oh yeah, well I've got taller ants"

"Ok, well, I've got a tube of glue"

"Ha, I've got an entire tin of glue"

"I've got... Bread"

"Damn it, you win. I can't handle that with my glue tin 'n taller ants"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mysevenyearitch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If Apple made a car...

...would it have windows?

My daughter saw this joke on YouTube and I thought y’all would appreciate it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SheriffPanic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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My wife asked my if sex has changed since I got my vasectomy

I just tell her I hadn't noticed a vas deferens

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HonoraryGarbage
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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Isn't the tube that carries sperm from the testicle essentially doing pretty much the same job as the testicle itself?

Nope. There's a vas deferens.

(For those who skipped HS Biology - NSFW)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddesla2
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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In The Matrix, Neo's mother was good at addition

She knew how to carry The One

πŸ‘︎ 571
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πŸ‘€︎ u/polyworfism
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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Dad joke solidarity on the tube today

A boy and girl (about 14/15) were arguing about what trains they should take to get to their destination. Although friendly the argument got pretty loud and their other friend (boy, same age) says:

"Hey, no need to go off the rails....geddit?"

He looked really pleased with himself they didn't even laugh.

As I got off I looked at him, nodded and said "Nice" and he said "Thank you".

I forgot to mention that his girl friend might be pregnant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnathemaFan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
🚨︎ report
Why should you always measure a snake in inches?

Because they have no feet!

(Courtesy of Snake Discovery on YouTube)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sherlocked776
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Coffee went down the wrong tube at breakfast.

Hey dad are you alright?

Yeah, but that sure was some strong cough-ee!

DAD!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/germsburn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2015
🚨︎ report
Overheard a family group on the tube...

...wife mentions getting off at Barking. "That's where all the dogs live." Goes completely over his young kids head, wife gives him the 'you're an idiot' stare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatIsThePint
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2014
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What did the tire say to the inner tube?

I got you covered my totally tubular friend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/musicmanjams
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2014
🚨︎ report
What’s the advantage to being a test tube baby?

You get a womb with a view.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jalfredproofrock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Women really know how to hold grudges over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Women really know how to hold a grudge over the simpelest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue

It's been a week and she's still not talking to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obsidi3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report

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