I saw a woman once that was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She started waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead...

She was waving an illegal fire arm.

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👤︎ u/kaidendeck
📅︎ Jan 09 2019
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Captain Kirk finally came up with a name for his invention: a cross between a hose nozzle, a spoon, and a fork.

He called it Mister Spork.

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👤︎ u/gecko_echo
📅︎ Jun 19 2019
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What do yell at someone drinking from the nozzle of a fountain?

WATER YOU DOING

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📅︎ Nov 14 2018
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What did my hose say when I got bar mitzvahed?

Nozzle Tav

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📅︎ Jan 14
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I went to the local petrol station

There was nothing coming out of the nozzle. I walked to the kiosk and i said, have you got your pumps on? He said, no, I'm wearing flip-flops

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📅︎ Dec 29 2020
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A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas

A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas. She inserted the nozzle and began filling the car with gas. As she waited for the car to fill, she lit a cigarette and began to smoke it. The car clicked to indicate it was full of gas, and she pulled the filler out of the car. Some gas leaked out of the filler onto her sweater arm, and a spark from the cigarette lit her arm on fire. The woman began to scream for help, and waved her arm about trying to put the fire out. A highway patrolman who happened to be nearby ran over and saw the woman flailing about in pain. Without hesitation, he pulled his handgun out of the holster and shot her three times. A few weeks later in court, the judge asked the patrolman why on earth he shot that woman? The patrolman answers, "well your honor, she was waving around a firearm!"

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📅︎ Sep 23 2017
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Went to the gas station today.

Started filling up tank with regular 87. Didn't sound right, so I pulled the nozzle out and see that it was just a bunch of shaving cream. Tried the mid grade: rubber snakes. Premium: Jimmy Kimmel canceled Christmas.

Dammit, April Fuels.

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👤︎ u/abeannis
📅︎ Apr 01 2018
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I saw an old lady catch on fire today while pumping gas...

When she removed the nozzle from the vehicle I guess some static electricity created a spark and started a fire near her gas cap. She tried to put it out, but her sleeve caught on fire. She started running around the store parking lot with her arm on fire. The cops showed up and arrested her for waiving a firearm in public.

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📅︎ Sep 20 2017
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You wouldn't believe what I saw on my way home from work last night.

Okay so I get off at 4:00 and I didn't waste any time leaving the office. Shut down my computer, grabbed my keys, and I was on the road by 4:05. It had been a pretty crazy day and I was ready to get home.

As I'm driving home I notice I'm running on Empty. I probably could have made it home but I was really craving a Coca Cola so I decide to stop at the nearest gas station.

Anyways I'm filling my tank I see an old lady a few gas pumps away putting gas in her old beat up station wagon but didn't really think anything of it and just continued to enjoy my icey cold Coca Cola.

Next thing I know I see this old lady holding the gas pump nozzle spewing gas everywhere. I guess she had taken the nozzle out of the vehicle w out disengaging the automatic trigger or whatever but it went EVERYWHERE. Her car, her arms, the ground, all over the place and by the time she got that thing to stop spraying there was at least a gallon of gas everywhere.

So I immediately run over to see if she's okay and she smells like straight up gas. I gave her napkins to dry off her hands and to clean what gas was spilled on the car. She said she was okay and thanked me for my help so I leave and head home.

So now I'm a few blocks from home, driving over the last hill right before my next turn and all of a sudden, almost out of nowhere, she comes flyin past me in that same old beat up station wagon with, I shit you not, her arm CAUGHT ON FIRE. And as if that's not bad enough there are two cops right behind her in hot pursuit. So while I'm freaking out trying to pull over to the side she zooms past so fast I barely catch a glimpse of her frantically flailing her arm out the window as they all go over the hill.

At that point couldn't believe what I was seeing it was just too crazy. So I quickly get back on the road and make my way over the hill and I spot her. She's pulled over in the emergency lane. I see the same old lady being handcuffed and put in the back of the squad car.

Yeah turns out she was arrested for waiving a fire arm in public.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

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📅︎ Aug 29 2015
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So my dad was buying a raft today...

He was talking to the guy and told him it had a hole in it, the guy asks "where?", then my dad replies "right there" while pointing at the air nozzle. They both start laughing and the guy gives him $5 off.

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📅︎ Mar 17 2014
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