Who can drink 5L of gas without getting sick?
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
What has three letters and starts with gas?
When I was a kid it was free to use the air hose at the gas station. Now it’s $1
Where can you get cheap gas these days?
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
What do you call it when everyone runs to buy gas?
Did you hear about the soldier who was attacked with mustard gas and pepper spray?
He was a seasoned veteran!
My wife saw me almost catch myself on fire, after putting gas on a campfire.
She yelled “What are you, retardant!?”
Old school 90’s Ravers aren’t worried about the gas shortage.
They’re used to running on E.
My mom has 3 kids. My brother was born a gas, my sister a liquid and I am a solid. Yesterday my mom looked upset so I asked her what was wrong. She said "I'm pregnant"
So I said "Okay, what's the matter?"
Why are gas powered cars part of the LGBT community?
They have a transmission.
I got gas for $1.19 today!
Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
Do sex workers pass gas?
No, they let out little prostitoots
I bought a car that runs on alcohol instead of gas
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...
... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.
Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.
Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh
I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.
I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.
I just put gas in the car
You might want to crack a window
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
The Price of Gas is Rising
Do you know why laughing gas makes you laugh?
I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
What would a car without any gas be called in Madagascar?
All this fuel pump talk is a real gas.
I quit my job at the helium gas factory today
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
It’s got a wooden frame, wooden engine, wooden wheels and a wooden gas tank. Did he ride it? No, wooden start
Laughing gas should be Helium instead of Nitrous Oxide.
Not only does it make your voice sound funny, but a bunch of it together goes He He He.
I keep complementing my local gas station when training my dog.
Compressed air at gas stations used to be FREE, but now you have to pay $2!
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
I once used Laughing Gas as a deodorant.
Smelt funny the whole day.
What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?
Did you hear about the soldier who got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?
What has three letters and starts with gas?
Did you hear about the solider that got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?
He’s now a seasoned veteran
Remember when they used to have air at the gas station for free? Now it’s $1.50
Before air was free at the gas station, and now you have to pay for it? You know why?
Air used to be free at gas stations, now it's $1.50. Know why?
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.