Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...

...an ether/oar situation...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
I got gas for $1.19 today!

Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SufficientNarwhal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I just put gas in the car

You might want to crack a window

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaceDBoogie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.

I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?

Inflation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/officialsmolkid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why laughing gas makes you laugh?

Because it smells funny.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomSFox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the soldier who got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He's a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Gas prices
πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spinnaker190
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...

... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.

Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I keep complementing my local gas station when training my dog.

Good sit go.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
What would a car without any gas be called in Madagascar?

Outtagascar

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the solider that got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He’s now a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CuteBearLegs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Laughing gas should be Helium instead of Nitrous Oxide.

Not only does it make your voice sound funny, but a bunch of it together goes He He He.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hangmandelta
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Remember when they used to have air at the gas station for free? Now it’s $1.50

You know why? Inflation!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanator_Obosit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I call my gas pedal 'Vincent'

Because it makes my van go.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jorvay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
All this fuel pump talk is a real gas.
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shane0clock
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Before air was free at the gas station, and now you have to pay for it? You know why?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job at the helium gas factory today

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lez566
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What has three letters and starts with gas?

A Car.

πŸ‘︎ 610
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πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to only pass gas on Democrats, but now I pass gas on Republicans too.

I guess that makes me bifartisan.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I got gas today for $1.39.

Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T1nkyWinky
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Compressed air at gas stations used to be FREE, but now you have to pay $2!

Inflation blows.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.

The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!

After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/digeratisensei
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
How does someone learn to pass gas?

Through extensive and persistent tootelage.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbstryker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
It’ll pass you like gas!
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lexithaa
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can drink 5 gallons of gas and not get sick?

Jerry can

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BabyxJolly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
When my car has gas, I'm tank-full

Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/megadecimal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s got a wooden frame, wooden engine, wooden wheels and a wooden gas tank. Did he ride it? No, wooden start
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunkinbiskits
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I think my car has a gas leak...

I have to keep filling the gas tank

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.

Did he ride it? No. It wooden start

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_methematician
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A Gas Pump
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeanClaudeVanDamp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a soldier who has survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If Dracula passed gas

It would be a Nosferatoot.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmightyMoira
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My son hates art so much that his body releases gas every time we talk about it

F art

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doorbell28
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I surprised my wife by filling her car up with gas today.

She seemed pretty tank-full.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle...

It was an ether/oar situation...

πŸ‘︎ 239
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Which pharaoh are you when you can’t pass gas?

Toot-uncommon.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cambrew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Gas from farts should be spelled...

Gass

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyMo1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
gas football

What do you call a gas station named after a footballer?,Antoine Greasemann

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BreadditReddit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Air used to be free at gas stations, now it's $1.50. Know why?

Inflation.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I got gas today for $1.39.

Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report

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