All this fuel pump talk is a real gas.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shane0clock
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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A Gas Pump
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeanClaudeVanDamp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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How come it used to cost a quarter to pump your tires at the gas station, and now it costs a dollar?

Inflation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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Stopped by to get gas after my trip to Germany, and when the pump asked if I wanted a receipt

The nine button wasn’t working.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BALLOONCHEF1997
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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We used to be able to go to a gas station and pump our tires for free. Now it costs $1.50, you know why?

Inflation

(Actual joke told by my dad today)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SOPA_NO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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Complained to my dad about having to pay $1 at the gas station air pump...

"Don't be upset, you're just compensating for inflation."

:|

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajustyle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2013
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I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.

The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!

After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/digeratisensei
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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I pumped unleaded gas into my diesel vehicle’s tank this morning...

It was a very fuelish mistake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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I saw an old lady catch on fire today while pumping gas...

When she removed the nozzle from the vehicle I guess some static electricity created a spark and started a fire near her gas cap. She tried to put it out, but her sleeve caught on fire. She started running around the store parking lot with her arm on fire. The cops showed up and arrested her for waiving a firearm in public.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/20yrstoomany
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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Inflation hits hard
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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It used to be free to fill your car tire up with air. Now it coasts 1.50. You know why?

Inflation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoshForce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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The cost of air

An older gentleman stops at a gas station to fill his tires up with some air. He looks at the pump and is shocked it costs a dollar to use! He goes into the store to get change, and says to the attendant, "The air pumps use to be free to use, I can't believe they cost a dollar now!" The attendant looks at and say, " What can I say, inflation."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NW_Green
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
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You wouldn't believe what I saw on my way home from work last night.

Okay so I get off at 4:00 and I didn't waste any time leaving the office. Shut down my computer, grabbed my keys, and I was on the road by 4:05. It had been a pretty crazy day and I was ready to get home.

As I'm driving home I notice I'm running on Empty. I probably could have made it home but I was really craving a Coca Cola so I decide to stop at the nearest gas station.

Anyways I'm filling my tank I see an old lady a few gas pumps away putting gas in her old beat up station wagon but didn't really think anything of it and just continued to enjoy my icey cold Coca Cola.

Next thing I know I see this old lady holding the gas pump nozzle spewing gas everywhere. I guess she had taken the nozzle out of the vehicle w out disengaging the automatic trigger or whatever but it went EVERYWHERE. Her car, her arms, the ground, all over the place and by the time she got that thing to stop spraying there was at least a gallon of gas everywhere.

So I immediately run over to see if she's okay and she smells like straight up gas. I gave her napkins to dry off her hands and to clean what gas was spilled on the car. She said she was okay and thanked me for my help so I leave and head home.

So now I'm a few blocks from home, driving over the last hill right before my next turn and all of a sudden, almost out of nowhere, she comes flyin past me in that same old beat up station wagon with, I shit you not, her arm CAUGHT ON FIRE. And as if that's not bad enough there are two cops right behind her in hot pursuit. So while I'm freaking out trying to pull over to the side she zooms past so fast I barely catch a glimpse of her frantically flailing her arm out the window as they all go over the hill.

At that point couldn't believe what I was seeing it was just too crazy. So I quickly get back on the road and make my way over the hill and I spot her. She's pulled over in the emergency lane. I see the same old lady being handcuffed and put in the back of the squad car.

Yeah turns out she was arrested for waiving a fire arm in public.

Β―_(ツ)_/Β―

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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So we pull into the gas station..

with an enclosed trailer on our hitch. Every other pump at this highway gas station was in use. Dad steps out of the car and before attending to the pump, walks up to the trailer and slaps the paneling several times (pound) (pound) (pound) "Hey! Be quiet in there!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZohnTangel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2013
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We just a new heat pump installed in our house.

My dad was telling me all the fancy features and telling me how efficient it is compared to our old gas furnace.

Me: Well it sounds like we are going to saving a bunch of money on our heating bill! That's awesome.

Dad: yeah it's super efficient. So I'm pretty pumped!

Me: -_-

Dad: shit eating grin and a good chuckle

Me: god dammit dad

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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My Dad and I saw an ambulance at the Gas Station

Jokingly I said, "I wonder if they have a patient in the back while they are pumping gas."

My dad replies, "I bet that he would have a lot of patience."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the3ysmen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2013
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More of a prank than a joke

I was sitting in a local Mexican food place with my wife having a late lunch and spot my 19yo daughter in the parking lot driving in her car with my 16yo daughter in the passenger seat. They were just returning from Vidcon.

They drove in front of the restaurant not noticing my wife's parked truck. I bolted out of the door of the restaurant and ran full tilt 500 yards across the parking lot following them all while ducking and weaving around cars so as not to be spotted. They pulled into a gas station on the other side of the parking lot from the restaurant just as I was able to sneak between the pumps and slam myself against her windshield and fall to the ground as if I had been hit. Then I flopped around on the ground like a fish.

It scared my 19yo daughter so bad she actually pee'd a little and couldn't stop crying. My 16yo was laughing so hard she couldn't breath.

I'm a bad Dad.

TL;DR: Bad father scared teenage daughter so bad she pee'd then cried.

Edit: Words

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imdickie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
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Economical dad joke

In Oregon (US) every gas station has attendants to pump your gas, and you're not allowed to pump it yourself. When my friend found this out she said "Did you know it's illegal to pump your own gas in Oregon" to which I replied "I guess they're just trying to fuel the economy"

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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2014
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