My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.

I replied back: β€œSure, my door is always open.”

πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovina9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I was heating up chip dip when I spilled some on my feet.

I guess you could say i had toasty-toes.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wolfgamer333
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m not sure why my heating bill is so high?

If you’d like to come over to offer me any advice my door is always open

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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I find with the weather heating up, whether I stay inside or go outside...

I’m getting Spring Fever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/isleag07
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about Australia heating up to 50Β°C?

It's a pretty hot topic right now.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JesterJesterson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
It's heating up!
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondStorm410
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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I made my own antifreeze..... I turned off her heating all winter.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from Mexican prison...

After I duct, I found I conduit!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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I built a vodka still that uses an electromagnetic heating coil...

I call it proof by induction.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimurHasWords
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Our house heating system broke down -

It was 50 degrees in the house this morning (10, if you're into metric). The HVAC guy made an emergency visit and fixed it up. It's well below freezing outside, so it was a legitimate emergency.

I told my wife, "I think you pay too much for school. We just got twenty degrees for seven hundred dollars!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScribbleJ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2014
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My dad friend on heating his house

My friend, who is a dad, heats his house with only a wood burning stove. When remarking on it, he says, "Yep, the whole house is solar powered!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ivarwaters
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
🚨︎ report
I got into a heated argument with a snowman

in which he lost his cool and had a total meltdown

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/languagepotato
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dinosaur who is easy to clean, heat resistant and long lasting?

py-rex

I'll get my coat...

πŸ‘︎ 443
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byte_marx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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After a heated argument, my kid shouted β€œJim Morrison was overrated”

Me: What did I say about slamming The Doors?

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catmom81519
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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My wife heated up a cup of coffee "just for me"

It was Lukewarm

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Which is faster, hot or cold?

Hot, because you can catch a cold.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gunny_McShoot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Keep in mind that given all of this year's events, Thanksgiving dinner can get heated

It can get re-heated the next day as well

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pikindaguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why, when I heat some water, I am boiling it. But when my wife heats some water...

She isn't girling it?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConstableBrew
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Literally took the heat off!
πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raghav693
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I was dancing with a woman in a bar and things were getting heated.

"Want to go back to my place?" I asked.

"Of course," she replied.

I said, "Here are the keys. Make sure you let the dog out for a shit."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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I cannot eat shrimp, lobsters and clams that have been cooked by heated water vapor....

I have shellfish steamed issues.

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a baked sweet potato and a forcefully flying pig?

One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Columbus_Explorer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad told me this rn. "Which is faster, heat or cold?"

Heat because you can catch a cold.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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2 Astronauts landed on the Sun

Astronaut 1 : ItssofuckinghotcanIgetabeeraroundhere?

Astronaut 2 : Thereisnospacebar.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife finally bought a ventilator yesterday because of the heat..

She’s a really big fan!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WalterBere
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Oven mitts make hands immune to heat.

At least to a certain degree.

(first post here. thought of this while making a hot pocket)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shockedcandy614
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a farmer friend who heats his milk products to 212 degrees Fahrenheit using cow chips...

Yep. It's called pasture-ized milk.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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During the heat of the summer, my wife asked if I wanted the fan to oscillate.

I said I like it both ways, but it is variable.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ice-_-Bear
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.

But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
The rocket scientists finally figured out what when wrong with their missile launch ...

Turns out it was a case of projectile dysfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
he broke their air conditioner and then things got heated.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirWernich
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
If something were heat resistant...

Would you say it's heat proof, to a certain degree?

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssgtspoon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I got into an argument with a friend about what the best medieval weapon was. I said the Warhammer, he said the Mace. It got so heated we are currently not speaking to each other...

Talk about blunt force drama.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UltimaBahamut93
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I found out that roofing in the summer heat can be really dangerous.

WARNING: HOT SHINGLES ARE IN YOUR AREA.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me whether I experimented with sex and drugs when I was in high school, and I said Yes.

Unfortunately I was part of the control group.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was using my drill at work when all of a sudden it heated up so much, it caught fire!

So I called up Dewalt and they said: β€œnot to worry! It’s just a fire drill.”

REDDIT! IM GOING TO BE A DAD!!! :D

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sydtheslothe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do partcles get exited when we heat something up?

Because it's volume increases

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MAX3344
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.

He said, β€œI’m turning off the heating.”

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Heat yeet knife
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oracle_3605
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Grrrrr... I've just burnt my Hawaiin pizza....

Should have cooked it on aloha heat.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.

We call it our Con Den session.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?

A brrrglar!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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I did not HERE that
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raghav50w
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.

I told him, "My door is always open".

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If someone can explain to me why my heating bills are so high..

..My door is always open.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.

I told him, 'My door is always open!'

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My landlord wants to talk to me about my high heating bills every month.

I said, β€œSure. My door is always open.”

πŸ‘︎ 340
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My landlord wanted to talk to me about how high my heating bills are.

I said, β€œSure. My door is always open.”

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What's faster, heat or cold?

Heat. Because you can catch a cold.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report

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