Nurses in the maternity ward don’t want babies to be in shock by the temperature change when they’re born.

So they make sure it’s set at womb temperature.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ggfchl
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13
🚨︎ report
I had my temperature read today for a Covid screening, and it read 200 degrees

That’s why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Moneybuystruth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17
🚨︎ report
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."

"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
Mandatory temperature screening will be required for fans attending the Foreigner reunion concert.

If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see.

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
Today I found out that the coldest possible temperature is -273 degrees Celsius

All my life I thought it was something else but whatever, it’s OK.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/realRianJohnson
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
What temperature do you set a toy oven?

Faux hundred degrees.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
Did you know that worm population has doubled in the past 80 years to due to the rising temperatures?

Yeah, they're calling it global worming.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LifeOfRi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I find it so sad that the US uses another unit other than Β°C or K for measuring temperature.

F.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rocker230
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
My brother tried to ban temperature-based puns...

but I still think they're cool.

They're a hot topic in our house.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Superstars111
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
Two scientists are trying to come up with a way to measure temperature.

One shows the other a prototype thermometer.

"We haven't figured out what to call it yet, but I need you to tell me what temperature this room is when i turn off the air conditioner so it cools to room temperature."

The other scientist gives him the OK and he walks out of the room to turn off the heater.

"OK, what temperature is it?"

"There's no marks on it!" The other scientist replied.

"Well, tell me the height of the mercury on the inside, relative to length of the bottle!"

"Alright" The scientist says. "In that case, it's fair in height"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
I’m a little confused by water temperature...

Who is Luke and why is he warm?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pottrap
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
I took my 1 year old to the ER with the flu. As the nurse was taking her temperature rectally with the thermometer in the butt, he sympathized with her misery by saying β€œI know, it stinks.”

To which I responded β€œIt certainly will when you take it out.” I accepted the long awkward silence that followed as thunderous applause.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Khoalb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
What is the body temperature of a tauntaun?
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hakuroz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
To keep the virus away, I'm taking forever to open the door, refusing to change the temperature and only playing games in single player mode.

In other words, I'm doing everything I can to be a bad host.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
Star Wars Joke: What is the temperature of a Tauntaun?

Luke warm...

πŸ‘︎ 131
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/delasolis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A moment of silence for our dear friend, liquid water, who did not survive the 100Β° temperature...

You will be mist.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/--Giraffe--
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
I lowered my grandpa's temperature to absolute zero

0K boomer

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrudeJesus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?

Lukewarm.

Told to me by a coworker who is also a dad. Unfortunately, his son isn't named Luke.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cuff19k
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
Every time the Indianapolis NFL team starts an offensive play, the temperature drops

Because there's a Colt snap!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Suprcheese
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Exploding Temperature

What do you call something that explodes at -273.15 degrees Celsius?

0 K Boomer

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/semrasemri
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The temperature in Motown is Three degrees, Four tops
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/graemeboyle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....

I’ve never heard him complain

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NameViolation666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the temperature inside a Tauntaun?

Luke-warm

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoofyDeDoof
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
We need to change the temperature FAST

ThermoSTAT

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/http-ang
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My reaction when I take a trip to the Hoover Dam and the temperature breaks 100Β°
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Swanberet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the best temperature to cook a Ο€?

180Β°

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ign1fy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Cuz its the temperature

Me: I'm taking a college class about what it's like 32 degrees below the freezing point of water.

My friend: Cool, do you mind telling me what it's called?

Me: 0F course.

https://preview.redd.it/om6zintogpq21.png?width=1300&format=png&auto=webp&s=1b90d0b3afdf51473744930a3c05319b96c00ecb

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/e4c6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Absolutely livid. Bought a Hawaiian pizza for dinner and I've just burned it. Should've cooked it on aloha temperature.

Credit to @AdamPacitti

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why should dads not be allowed to take temperatures?

Because it’s called a thermometer not a therdadeter.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cjhud123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
How does the ISS control its temperature?

With space heaters

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GetFrostbyte
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I remember an era when the temperature was always nice in summer; but we had deep snowfall in winter...

It was the best of climes; it was the worst of climes.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, can you take my temperature?

Dad: Nah, you keep it

πŸ‘︎ 339
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimDaButcha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you measure the temperature of a female cannibal who ate her mother?

Her mom eater.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
At what temperature do you cook babies

Womb temperature

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzz-daddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
No matter what the temperature in a room is. It is always room temperature.
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
How do big lads measure temperature?

Kelvin.

Because they’re ABSOLUTE UNITS

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?

Luke warm

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joefaux
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What temperature does Luke Skywalker like his baths?

Lukewarm.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who lowered his temperature to absolute zero?

He’s 0K now.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seattledandy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the internal temperature of a Tuantaun?

Lukewarm

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rotary_13b
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who lived in absolute zero temperatures?

He’s 0K now!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/watchursix
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Temperatures in Fahrenheit tower over temperatures in Celsius.

They're very far in height

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wingels
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
This water isn't hot - it's the temperature of a Skywalker inside a tauntaun.

It's Luke warm.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/5007-574in3d
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?

Luke warm

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rotary_13b
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the internal temperature of a TaunTaun?

It’s around Lukewarm!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oldstyle21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is 0 degrees centigrade the only original temperature?

Because it's 0C

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Neilbo0225
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call your mother when she takes your temperature?

A ther-mom-eter.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aggrels
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the frat bro say when he got a glass of room temperature water?

Noice!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Cooking meat at high temperatures quickly was invented in the middle east

By the Syrians.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/butts__
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2016
🚨︎ report
I don't care about how cold the temperature is!!

It's -273Β°C and I'm giving absolute zero fuks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pecfex_here
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Temperature rising can be explained very easily

"climate" goes up, "abseilmate" goes down.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gimlie135
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the highest temperature of Rey's Lightsaber?

Luke Warm.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JazzTheWolf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2016
🚨︎ report
What's the inside temperature of a Tauntaun?

Luke warm

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mastervahar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2015
🚨︎ report
I have to keep the temperature in my house warm at night because cold air gives me atheism attacks...

...it makes me Confucian all night long.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aqua_zesty_man
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Darth Vader: What is the temperature of my son's lightsaber?

Lukewarm

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyler1492
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Which has the higher body temperature, an adult otter or an otter pup?

The pup - it's just a little otter.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2017
🚨︎ report
There's only one parent who checks my temperature.

I call her a THERMOMETER!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bonanza86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
🚨︎ report
[xPost from r/StarWars] What is the internal temperature of a tauntuan?

Luke warm

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBeerded
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2014
🚨︎ report
My son was born at womb temperature.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AZDiablo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2017
🚨︎ report
What is the temperature inside of a tauntaun?

Lukewarm

Dad never fails to tell this joke whenever we watch Star Wars. Along with the duct tape/force joke. (It has a light side, a dark side, and holds the universe together)

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Azsunyx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
🚨︎ report
What's the temperature inside a beehive?

S'warm

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WarCheadle
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Local authorities are advising that, due to freezing temperatures, everyone huddle in the corner

because it's 90 degrees there

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yoquiero
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
🚨︎ report
What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?

Luke-warm

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/strider820
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
🚨︎ report
At what temperature should you bake a pie in the oven?

360 degrees. That way you get 2pi.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/musicninja
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
🚨︎ report
"What temperature do we have?"

"98.6 Β°F"

Sorry if it doesn't translate well, but in spanish is:

"A que temperatura estamos?"

"36.6 Β°C"

I just said that without thinking, I guess my dad joke gene is fully awake since I had my daughter.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poringo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2013
🚨︎ report
The temperatures are about to dip again.

Mom: >Lows are supposed to be freezing to below freezing Wednesday through Sunday.

Dad: >What about Home Depot?

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/English_American
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Local news anchor just dropped this one in regards to the temperature

"Cue up the Nirvana because we're living in the 90s!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElasticDawg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
🚨︎ report
At what temperature are babies born ?

Womb temperature

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the internal temperature of a tauntaun?

Luke warm.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2017
🚨︎ report
What is the internal temperature of a TaunTaun?

Lukewarm

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VanTil
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2017
🚨︎ report

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