Today I found out that roofing in the summer heat can be really dangerous.

WARNING: HOT SHINGLES ARE IN YOUR AREA.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 14
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If something were heat resistant...

Would you say it's heat proof, to a certain degree?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssgtspoon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
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Why do partcles get exited when we heat something up?

Because it's volume increases

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MAX3344
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.

We call it our Con Den session.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
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What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?

A brrrglar!

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
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What's faster, heat or cold?

Heat. Because you can catch a cold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
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My wife asked me the best way to heat up her leftovers

I told her to put some hot sauce on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonloaff
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
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Heat yeet knife
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oracle_3605
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
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Two people tying to win a posthumous award is a dead heat.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boilerup4444
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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I heat my food in a
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBoyBeefis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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All we need to make heat is create a little friction, I'll give you the fric- you give me the -tion

Frick, that's what I like to hear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangerBluPants
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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That desert heat must have started getting to the sign makers
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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What's more effective than a heat-seeking missile?

A heat-seeking hittle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaoticFather
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive

Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/analytik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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Sounds like some heat!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/agentxenon53
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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LPT: If you can't afford to heat your bedroom there are some places in the room that are warmer then others.

The corners for example are always 90 degrees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diviner_of_data
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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If you heat up a Panzer enough, will it be a gas tank?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wirt2004
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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I found this small stick with one end coated with a material that can be ignited by frictional heat. It made me feel loved, wholesome and beautiful.

Like a match made in heaven.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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It’s weird how direct sunlight heats up my car while the air outside is well below freezing.

The sun must be some kind of space heater.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/00Steven_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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Teacher: β€œWhich Of The Two Travels Faster, Heat Or Cold?”

Teacher: β€œWhich Of The Two Travels Faster, Heat Or Cold?”

Student: β€œHeat”

Teacher: β€œWhat Makes You Think That?”

Student: β€œBecause We Catch Coldβ€œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teachdis
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
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My girlfriend told me to heat up the chilli in the fridge for dinner.

I asked if I wasn't better off heating up the chilli in the microwave. No response.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonnyBhoy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2014
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Its 80 degrees outside and my co-worker is wearing a sweater in this heat

When I asked him about it he said "I'm just that cool"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jormono
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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With this recent heat wave, I can't help but feel bad for the pigs.

They've got to be bacon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluesox4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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You know how things expand with heat.

I’m not fat I’m hot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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I walked out into the heat yesterday after it rained...

and then someone jumped me and my wallet was stolen. It was a bit muggy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/soup_fork
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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This July heat really gets to me (guess the pun!)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiggidytom
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
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I melted in the 103 degree Dallas heat just to document this pun - I hope it was worth it..... imgur.com/lRgYEuB
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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Why don't surfers heat up their food?

They don't like microwaves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuicyLemon4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
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Justin Bieber was in a hotel in Arizona yesterday. The air conditioning was broken, so he asked the hotel manager if he could do something about the heat.

The hotel manager replied, "sorry, I'm not a big fan."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thkoog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
🚨︎ report
How does a fetus heat his apartment?

Around womb temperature

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
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Why do you heat up shawarma before you eat it?

Otherwise, it'd be called Sha-cold-a.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamaicancovfefe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2017
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"It says we just need to heat the oven"

How are we going to manage​ that? We're going to need another, even bigger oven!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dodger944
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2017
🚨︎ report
My dorm room has no heat

My mom was worried. She told me to make sure I have plenty of blankets on my bed.

I told her I had it covered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piclemaniscool
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2014
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I bought soup to heat up for dinner...

Wife: Can you man the soup while I make the grilled cheese? Me yelling at the soup cans: BE A MAN!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofthebar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2017
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What do you call something you sit on that can heat you up or cool you down?

Seating and chair conditioning!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/domsquad
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2016
🚨︎ report
We just a new heat pump installed in our house.

My dad was telling me all the fancy features and telling me how efficient it is compared to our old gas furnace.

Me: Well it sounds like we are going to saving a bunch of money on our heating bill! That's awesome.

Dad: yeah it's super efficient. So I'm pretty pumped!

Me: -_-

Dad: shit eating grin and a good chuckle

Me: god dammit dad

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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Can you turn the heat up, Dad?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Distorted_Pancake
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2013
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In Yellowstone Park we came across a tree that was dying from the heat coming off a nearby geyser

I told my gf I bet that tree is thinking 'damn, geyser killing me'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oculardrip
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2014
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So how about this heat?

Got dad-joked by my boyfriend today.

Me: It's so hot today, the temperature's in the mid 90's.

BF: No, it's 2014.

Me: REALLY?

In Celsius the high is 34 for today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluefoot_Fox
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2014
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