She's my trans sister
He lost his dam mind.
Characters: My wife, my son (four years old), and my daughter (his twin, so obviously also four).
Son: "My classmate didn't like me laughing at her today."
Wife: "Why were you laughing at her?"
Son: "I'm a vampire! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"
Wife: "OH! Like an evil laugh?"
Son: "Yeah! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"
Daughter: "I'm a witch! Hee hee hee hee!"
Wife: "So you're both monsters?"
Son: "Yep!"
Daughter: "Hee hee hee hee!"
Wife: "Am I a monster too?"
Son: "Yeah! You're a ... " <dramatic pause> " ... mummy."
Whole family in hysterical laughter, and after it dies down he goes, "Get it!? Mummy!"
I've never been so proud. A spontaneously generated pun of that caliber at four years old, AND an unnecessary clarification/repetition of the joke? I've got high hopes for this one.
Quaranteens.
Gen A
Gen A.
Edit: thank you for the award!
It's a waist product.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
They walked. Uphill. In the snow. They ate what brains they could find and they liked it.
The Quaranteens
They didn't do anything, to deserve that
It’s helicopt-air
Children of the quarn.
...worth it
I say if it ain’t baroque, don’t fix it.
It's called Ctrl-ALT-YEET.
Children of the "Quarn"
Edit: at the age of 13, we shall bestow upon them the rank of "Quaran-teen"
I’m a huge fan of your work.
Genitalia.
Some cool and PUnny PUns
Their children will die on this hill
It was Heirloumi.
These days, people will click on anything even if it's nothing more then a catchy title
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
A younger co-worker just walked past my office and said "I'm so tired," to which I replied "Hello Miss Tired, may I call you 'So'"?
She was immediately in absolute hysterical laughter. I don't know how long it went on. She walked away and was still laughing until she was out of ear shot.
I'm starting to suspect she's drunk.
Ang Lee was born in 1954.
Ang Lee is a boomer.
Boomer Ang Lee.
http://imgur.com/gallery/3GUE8
This was a group text from me to both of the kids. The younger was born exactly nine months from the Tuesday in question. The older one responded with a thumbs down.
It's a family hair-loom.
Gen A
It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at “The Café,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: “Parking now, be there in 5.”
“Dad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.
Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, “Dad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The Café.
Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.
“Hello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. “I can’t believe it’s been so long!”
“Yeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. “Too long!”
Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.
After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u
... keep reading on reddit ➡I found myself using one of my favorite dad jokes recently... every time we pass some fresh roadkill while driving, my dad would say “man, that’s a dangerous place to take a nap”. Made me giggle every time. My own kids typically give me a courtesy laugh now. They don’t appreciate the dad/mom joke nearly as much as I did... and still do.
Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"
Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"
Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."
The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.
Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."
Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."
The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,
"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."
In 2033, we will witness the rise of "Quaranteens"
