I got my son a tire pump as a Christmas gift

He said it blows.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SupremeBaconist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?

Inflation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/officialsmolkid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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All this fuel pump talk is a real gas.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shane0clock
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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I asked Lil Pump what he thought about Roblox.

He said "I love it"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebatm3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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A Gas Pump
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeanClaudeVanDamp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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I was riding to a beach in this remote part of the district and stopped at this run down petrol pump

A kid was manning the pump and I asked if they take cards He replies with a straight face : No we give it back after swiping

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πŸ‘€︎ u/regulaslight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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How come it used to cost a quarter to pump your tires at the gas station, and now it costs a dollar?

Inflation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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It's that beat that makes you pump your bum
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfEmory
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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I would tell you a joke about an underground water pump...

But it's a bore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sprocket_Bat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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Pump the jam
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeeM1613
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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My wife just got her breast pump going...

So my wife just got her breast pump all set up. She's got the double suckers rolling, tits out, milk flowing like a minor tributary. And I ASK "ARE YOU PUMPED?!" fucking genius.... She stared silently for like 10 seconds. Then told me to post here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeremySTL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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Stopped by to get gas after my trip to Germany, and when the pump asked if I wanted a receipt

The nine button wasn’t working.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BALLOONCHEF1997
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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There was a train officer with an insulin pump handing out tickets at the speed of light.

He was a type 2 superconductor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dr_cheggman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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We used to be able to go to a gas station and pump our tires for free. Now it costs $1.50, you know why?

Inflation

(Actual joke told by my dad today)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SOPA_NO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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Pump up the volume
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ActuaJulian
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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The price of air pumps has been going up recently

It’s because of inflation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ILostMyLean
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2018
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My son pulled the pump cap off the shampoo bottle and threw it on the floor...

He told me he deCAPitated it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yugogrl2000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
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I can pump a ton of iron.

It runs in my blood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Threeatatime1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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Complained to my dad about having to pay $1 at the gas station air pump...

"Don't be upset, you're just compensating for inflation."

:|

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajustyle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2013
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We are selling my house. I told my wife that the buyers want to pump and inspect our septic tank. My wife looks at me and says,

"I guess they don't want us to leave any of our crap."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/japhillips87
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahammadaycartoons
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2015
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Dadjoked my wife when she purchased 2-packs of inflating needles so my son could pump up his soccer balls.

Wife: Last time I bought these, they were packaged 3 to a pack, but now they only come 2 per pack. Me: Sheesh....talk about inflation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EevelBob
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
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A new pump

I bought a new pump today for €10. That exact pump was only €8 last year, but that's inflation for you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StartledFrog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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Next to a Dad teaching his kid to use a fuel pump...

"You just press this button ... IT'S GUNNA BLOW!!"

Followed by embarrassed teen noises.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/misspoetatoe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2014
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We just a new heat pump installed in our house.

My dad was telling me all the fancy features and telling me how efficient it is compared to our old gas furnace.

Me: Well it sounds like we are going to saving a bunch of money on our heating bill! That's awesome.

Dad: yeah it's super efficient. So I'm pretty pumped!

Me: -_-

Dad: shit eating grin and a good chuckle

Me: god dammit dad

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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