My girlfriend has a fat orange cat that looks like a pumpkin. She tells him heβs beautiful.
I tell him heβs gourdeous.
Is it too late for a pumpkin pi ?
https://preview.redd.it/ln5pjs5m2l141.png?width=1600&format=png&auto=webp&s=a5a78ef03620ada72b86e76ad86b282a3051cbb9
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︎ Nov 29 2019
What kind of trees grow near pumpkin patches?
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
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︎ Oct 05 2019
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
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︎ Dec 29 2019
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd
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︎ Oct 17 2019
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year ...
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
π︎ 11
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︎ Nov 10 2019
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 05 2019
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
π︎ 16
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︎ Oct 22 2019
I took my kids to a pumpkin farm today and they had an electric fence around their parking lot.
As I placed my hand on the fence I told my kids "I'd be shocked if this is on!"
π︎ 18
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︎ Oct 20 2019
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
π︎ 10
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︎ Nov 23 2019
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year
Sorry to squash your enthusiasm
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 12 2019
What do you call a night watchman at a pumpkin patch?
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︎ Nov 13 2019
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
π︎ 18
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︎ Oct 28 2019
What was the pumpkinβs favorite sport?
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 13 2019
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 06 2019
Did you hear about the pumpkin seeds that were drilled out, and then left alone with nothing to entertain them?
They were bored out of their gourd.
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︎ Oct 29 2019
Why do pumpkins sit on peopleβs porches?
They have no hands to knock on the door.
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 06 2019
How do you heal a broken pumpkin?
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 31 2019
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful....
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 22 2019
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 25 2019
This fall, if you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter
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︎ Oct 21 2019
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 02 2019
What do you call a group of zombie pumpkins?
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 06 2019
What is a pumpkin's circumference divided by a pumpkin's diameter?
π︎ 488
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︎ Oct 20 2018
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 13 2019
What's the easiest way to make pumpkin pie?
Divide the circumference by its diameter.
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 20 2019
How do you fox a broken pumpkin?
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 15 2019
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him Iβd gourd it with my life.
π︎ 16
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︎ Jun 02 2019
Pumpkin is in trouble...
π︎ 10
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︎ Mar 02 2019
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
π︎ 22
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︎ Mar 26 2019
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin
π︎ 47
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︎ Sep 23 2018
Our pumpkins this year were a tribute to a favorite fall food
π︎ 26
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︎ Oct 22 2018
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 04 2019
Pumpkins are the most beautiful crop.
They're absolutely gourd-geous.
π︎ 39
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︎ Aug 30 2018
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
π︎ 26
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︎ Oct 24 2018
π︎ 400
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︎ Oct 18 2016
My sister made chili out of pumpkin pie mix..
I guess anything is "so-chili" acceptable these days..
π︎ 3
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︎ May 04 2019
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling
since its pi day and all
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 14 2019
What did the pumpkin say when it dropped its baby?
π︎ 34
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︎ Aug 28 2018
What happened to the pumpkin when a man stepped on it?
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 08 2018
What did the pumpkin say to his girlfriend?
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 21 2018
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope . . .
. . . so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 17 2018
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 11 2018
π︎ 66
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︎ Oct 27 2013
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 03 2017
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice
π︎ 30
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︎ Oct 21 2017
On the way to the pumpkin patch yesterday...
...we passed by a cemetery.
My wife says: "Look at all the gravestones! That cemetery is so crowded!"
Me: "Yeah, well people are just dying to get in there!"
I was focused on the road, but I could hear her eyes roll.
π︎ 27
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︎ Oct 16 2016
What did the pumpkin say when ur was surprised?
"Oh my gourd-ness!"
Just thought of this as I anticipate my impending fatherhood. My high school students did not approve. Silly kids.
π︎ 9
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︎ Oct 17 2017
Every morning I tell my daughter, "Morning, Pumpkin"
Today, she surprised me by asking why I called her pumpkin. Thinking fast on my feet, I quickly explained: "Because you're gourd-geous."
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︎ Aug 01 2017
What do you call a flat pumpkin?
π︎ 9
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︎ Oct 31 2017
What does a one eyed pumpkin wear?
π︎ 67
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︎ Oct 29 2016
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him!!
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 09 2017
Went to pick out pumpkins with my wife.
Me: "Wow, these are gourd-geous..."
Her: "You're walking home."
π︎ 69
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︎ Oct 23 2016
π︎ 66
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︎ Oct 31 2014
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
π︎ 13
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︎ Mar 22 2017
What do you call a hairy pumpkin?
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 08 2016
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 14 2015
90% of the pumpkins in the USA are raised within a ninety mile radius of Peoria, Illinois. That's gourd to know.
π︎ 10
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︎ Oct 17 2016
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 30 2014
Went to a pumpkin patch a few weeks ago...
I was A-maize-d by how corny the corn maze was. Definitely not worth the $5.
It did have a lot in common with Dumbo though - it was all ears.
And it did creep me out a bit. Felt like I was being stalked the whole time.
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 12 2015
Wife and I picked up our 8 year old son after a school field trip to a pumpkin farm. Son takes it to the next level. Wife about leaped out of the car...
Me: What did they have at the farm?
Son: Pumpkins and gourds.
Me: Did you get to pick one out to take home?
Son: I got a gourd because it looked cool. /shows us multi colored, striped gourd
Me: Gourd for you!
Son: /slightly confused... Yes, I got this gourd.
Me: So... would you say you had a ... gourd time?
Wife: /groans
Son: Ya, I had a gourd time.
Wife: /groans again.
Wife: Really?!
Me: He gets these jokes now. He's all... gourd up now.
Wife: STOP!
Son: Oh, gourd!
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 11 2014
On Carving Pumpkins
We're making jack o'lanterns and my mom is working on something pretty ambitious (I think it's a leaf). I say something about it, and my dad gets a big grin on his face and comments,
"Boys, your mom is Vincent van Gourd!"
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︎ Oct 31 2013
He promised me pumpkin pie when I got home. I was disappointed
π︎ 15
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︎ Oct 31 2013
Carving pumpkins with my wife
Wife: "These pumpkins don't have many seeds in them"
Me: "That's because they are good pumpkins"
Wife: "????"
Me: "They aren't seedy"
Wife: eyeroll
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 31 2015
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 23 2014
Pumpkin Carving
When I was growing up and transitioning from baby to crooked adult teeth, my dad used to sit me down and tell me to smile. He would then pretend to carve the pumpkin's smile to look like mine and tell me how perfectly scary it was.
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 28 2013
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
π︎ 34
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︎ Oct 02 2019
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
π︎ 11
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︎ Oct 20 2019
What was the pumpkinβs favorite sport?
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 16 2019
What was the pumpkinβs favorite sport?
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 02 2019
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
π︎ 9
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︎ Oct 22 2019
What was the pumpkinβs favorite sport?
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 16 2019
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 23 2019
Why do pumpkins sit on peopleβs porches?
They have no hands to knock on the door.
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 03 2019
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by it's diameter?
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 09 2019
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 30 2019
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 03 2019
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
π︎ 16
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︎ May 04 2019
What is a pumpkins favorite sport?
π︎ 7
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︎ May 16 2019
pumpkin circumference Γ· pumpkin diameter = pumpkin Ο
π︎ 287
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︎ Sep 20 2017
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
π︎ 37
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︎ Oct 17 2018
pumpkin circumference Γ· pumpkin diameter = pumpkin Ο
π︎ 165
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︎ Sep 20 2016
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
π︎ 43
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︎ Oct 05 2018
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
π︎ 23
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︎ Oct 14 2018
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
π︎ 30
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︎ Oct 17 2017
What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter?
π︎ 42
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︎ Apr 24 2017
How do you fix a pumpkin?
π︎ 51
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︎ Oct 12 2016
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