My girlfriend has a fat orange cat that looks like a pumpkin. She tells him he’s beautiful.

I tell him he’s gourdeous.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cerealkillr95
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
Is it too late for a pumpkin pi ?

https://preview.redd.it/ln5pjs5m2l141.png?width=1600&format=png&auto=webp&s=a5a78ef03620ada72b86e76ad86b282a3051cbb9

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ironporkchop
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of trees grow near pumpkin patches?

Basic Birches

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DMFPx123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?

Michael Gourdan

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ironicplatypus84
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk

It shall be a security gourd

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brad_Barracuda
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year ...

Or they might get autumn'y ache.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pae913
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi...

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdryan1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my kids to a pumpkin farm today and they had an electric fence around their parking lot.

As I placed my hand on the fence I told my kids "I'd be shocked if this is on!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rumin8tion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?

Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wigglemosnster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year

Sorry to squash your enthusiasm

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrYogurt1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a night watchman at a pumpkin patch?

Security Gourd

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brassman1971
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a strong pumpkin?

A Jacked-o-Lantern

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nintendo-Nerd27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?

Squash.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?

Gourdgeous

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nickstrument
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the pumpkin seeds that were drilled out, and then left alone with nothing to entertain them?

They were bored out of their gourd.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nwhaught
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?

They have no hands to knock on the door.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you heal a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snuggeybug
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.

Oh, gourd, was it awful....

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InkFoxPrints
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.

It was a millennial falcon.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
This fall, if you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter

You get pumpkin pi.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stupidlyugly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a barking pumpkin?

A gourd dog.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mlnkoly111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of zombie pumpkins?

A gourd.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMcFukmutty
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a pumpkin's circumference divided by a pumpkin's diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

πŸ‘︎ 488
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BassWizard420
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a surprised pumpkin say?

OH MY GOURD!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cakerzzzz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the easiest way to make pumpkin pie?

Divide the circumference by its diameter.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you fox a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.

I told him I’d gourd it with my life.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/torchskul
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Pumpkin is in trouble...
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boober000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?

Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grizzlyblur
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin

Gordgeous.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gabecraft64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Our pumpkins this year were a tribute to a favorite fall food
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Taythomps1998
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?

He was a squash-buckler

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pikk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Pumpkins are the most beautiful crop.

They're absolutely gourd-geous.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

Use a pumpkin patch!

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElmerJ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
A friend told me that he made me a pumpkin pie. I was then given this. i.reddituploads.com/af7ab…
πŸ‘︎ 400
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Young_Busac
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2016
🚨︎ report
My sister made chili out of pumpkin pie mix..

I guess anything is "so-chili" acceptable these days..

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wuni_Shuikan
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?

Because it needed a filling

since its pi day and all

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/westin02
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the pumpkin say when it dropped its baby?

Oh my gourd!

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TortoiseMan510
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What happened to the pumpkin when a man stepped on it?

It got squashed.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MckiesDickies
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the pumpkin say to his girlfriend?

You're gourd-geous!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ransom27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope . . .

. . . so it can be a gourd-ian knot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cloakmouse1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?

Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dmomo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I did my first Pumpkin ever this week. imgur.com/TsE2h4B
πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoachTanto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2013
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?

A Sasquash.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Illithilitch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2017
🚨︎ report
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful

In fact, it was gourdjuice

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2017
🚨︎ report
On the way to the pumpkin patch yesterday...

...we passed by a cemetery.

My wife says: "Look at all the gravestones! That cemetery is so crowded!"

Me: "Yeah, well people are just dying to get in there!"

I was focused on the road, but I could hear her eyes roll.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sleep_For_Dummies
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the pumpkin say when ur was surprised?

"Oh my gourd-ness!"

Just thought of this as I anticipate my impending fatherhood. My high school students did not approve. Silly kids.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adedward
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Every morning I tell my daughter, "Morning, Pumpkin"

Today, she surprised me by asking why I called her pumpkin. Thinking fast on my feet, I quickly explained: "Because you're gourd-geous."

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dappercal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a flat pumpkin?

Squash!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Adolph_Fritz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2017
🚨︎ report
What does a one eyed pumpkin wear?

A pumpkin patch.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Synergy_synner
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?

Because he had holes in him!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trutek23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Went to pick out pumpkins with my wife.

Me: "Wow, these are gourd-geous..."

Her: "You're walking home."

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TinBritches
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2016
🚨︎ report
My pumpkin for Halloween imgur.com/t0dhKoQ
πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skeletonlady
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2014
🚨︎ report
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?

He had a halloweener

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/airtightcoffee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hairy pumpkin?

A Sas-squash.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neutral_cadence
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2016
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dachewie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2015
🚨︎ report
90% of the pumpkins in the USA are raised within a ninety mile radius of Peoria, Illinois. That's gourd to know.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ralph-Hinkley
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2016
🚨︎ report
You could say my pumpkin is very... Holey m.imgur.com/0hMejDs
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Downfeather6
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Went to a pumpkin patch a few weeks ago...

I was A-maize-d by how corny the corn maze was. Definitely not worth the $5.

It did have a lot in common with Dumbo though - it was all ears.

And it did creep me out a bit. Felt like I was being stalked the whole time.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/digitaldavis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Wife and I picked up our 8 year old son after a school field trip to a pumpkin farm. Son takes it to the next level. Wife about leaped out of the car...

Me: What did they have at the farm?

Son: Pumpkins and gourds.

Me: Did you get to pick one out to take home?

Son: I got a gourd because it looked cool. /shows us multi colored, striped gourd

Me: Gourd for you!

Son: /slightly confused... Yes, I got this gourd.

Me: So... would you say you had a ... gourd time?

Wife: /groans

Son: Ya, I had a gourd time.

Wife: /groans again.

Wife: Really?!

Me: He gets these jokes now. He's all... gourd up now.

Wife: STOP!

Son: Oh, gourd!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shifty21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2014
🚨︎ report
On Carving Pumpkins

We're making jack o'lanterns and my mom is working on something pretty ambitious (I think it's a leaf). I say something about it, and my dad gets a big grin on his face and comments,

"Boys, your mom is Vincent van Gourd!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clayh5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
🚨︎ report
He promised me pumpkin pie when I got home. I was disappointed
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/laaofa23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
🚨︎ report
Carving pumpkins with my wife

Wife: "These pumpkins don't have many seeds in them" Me: "That's because they are good pumpkins" Wife: "????" Me: "They aren't seedy" Wife: eyeroll

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DavidTigerFan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin

but all the stores were well-gourded.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mtmmdw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Pumpkin Carving

When I was growing up and transitioning from baby to crooked adult teeth, my dad used to sit me down and tell me to smile. He would then pretend to carve the pumpkin's smile to look like mine and tell me how perfectly scary it was.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justkayla
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fourbears7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin Ο€

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theprofoundnoun
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?

Squash.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?

Squash.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M0ng078
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?

Squash.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?

They have no hands to knock on the door.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by it's diameter?

Pumpkin Pi

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/minuteofdeer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin Ο€

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bmathis21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FuzzySparrow
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a pumpkins favorite sport?

Squash

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cheerfulsith
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
pumpkin circumference Γ· pumpkin diameter = pumpkin Ο€
πŸ‘︎ 287
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gargolito
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch!

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ididshave
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
pumpkin circumference Γ· pumpkin diameter = pumpkin Ο€
πŸ‘︎ 165
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gargolito
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2016
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch!

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarlinsBB
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coffee_cow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch!

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J0ethebro
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ahandmadegrin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch!

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marriedwithkids96
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.