If Lake Superior is a wolf and Lake Michigan is a squash, what is Lake Erie?
This time of year we switch out our old decorative squash for a new one -
It's the traditional changing of the gourd.
I had no idea my wife put a fake mustache on the squash
When I went to grab it, it caught me off gourd.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
I work at an Italian restaurant that sells squash in strands like spaghetti
What did the squash say to the watermelon?
You know why I hate butternut squash?
When someone is flirting with you by offering squash
I can't eat squash...
...I'm allergic to onomatopoetic food.
A squash was killed this week.
Witness accounts say he was gourd to death.
My son says he wants to grow squash when he gets older..
Me: "Really? you'll probably be gourd out of your mind"
Why are squashed grapes so sensitive?
They always let out a little wine.
Breaking: LEGO man gets squashed to death.
Two tomatoes crossed the street. One got squashed by a car, the other one passed it and said:
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
What did the grape say when it got squashed ?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine
Why should you never play Hacky Sack with Bigfoot
You'll get you sack-squashed.
What do you get when you cross a Vegetable Patch with a Dinosaur?
How does a vegetable win a fight ?
What do you get if Godzilla steps on a bar?
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a farm?
Mommy tomato, daddy tomato, and baby tomato were all out for a leisurely Sunday stroll
They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.
It was a perfect Sunday.
Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.
They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage.
Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said
"Ketchup"
I’m reading a book about these two melons that have a forbidden love. They’ve tried to run away together many times, but are caught every time.
It seems that no matter how hard they try, they just can’t-elope
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What's the only root veggie that comes with a warning?
Someone hit my leg with a tub of lard.
Honestly, I'm just glad it wasnt a butternut squash.
If two vegans are having an argument, is it still considered beef?
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd
Very proud of my five year old daughter. My wife screamed with a sound of absolute terror while in the shower earlier. I find out that she saw a few hairs together, thought it was a giant bug, and temporarily lost her mind. My daughter asked why she screamed...
...so I told her that her mom saw a few hairs fall out of her head and freaked out.
My daughter responds, completely deadpan, "mom had rabbits falling out of her head?"
She's going to be a great dad one day.
Edit: skipped a word
Must've forgot my gourd again
Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
My girlfriend just decided to go and be a vegetarian
It's like I never knew herbivore.
Do competitive origami artists fold under pressure?
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year
Sorry to squash your enthusiasm
I work at Walmart and found a bunch of zucchini in with the hamburger.
Talk about squashing some beef
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?
Why was the DJ no longer allowed at the vegetable hospital?
He kept dropping sick beets.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
I've no problem with people dressing up as a red vegetable, as long as you beetroot to yourself.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
What does a grape say when it's squashed?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
What do you get when you cross a vegetable patch with a dinosaur?
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?
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