If Lake Superior is a wolf and Lake Michigan is a squash, what is Lake Erie?

Flammable

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Westerfield
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
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Squash the beef
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RFSDQ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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This time of year we switch out our old decorative squash for a new one -

It's the traditional changing of the gourd.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I had no idea my wife put a fake mustache on the squash

When I went to grab it, it caught me off gourd.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oof_oofo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...

... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/large__father
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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I work at an Italian restaurant that sells squash in strands like spaghetti

I think it's an inpasta

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ianlucky13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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What did the squash say to the watermelon?

You butternut squash me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demotrek
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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You know why I hate butternut squash?

I always get the butt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drunk98
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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When someone is flirting with you by offering squash

You are being Sejuiced

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EarthPhl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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I can't eat squash...

...I'm allergic to onomatopoetic food.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Longlive_newflesh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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A squash was killed this week.

Witness accounts say he was gourd to death.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blacksheep26
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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My son says he wants to grow squash when he gets older..

Me: "Really? you'll probably be gourd out of your mind"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jchabotte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2015
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Why are squashed grapes so sensitive?

They always let out a little wine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
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Breaking: LEGO man gets squashed to death.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggfchl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Two tomatoes crossed the street. One got squashed by a car, the other one passed it and said:

"ketchup"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkJT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?

Orange squash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ukm_array
πŸ“…︎ May 25
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What did the grape say when it got squashed ?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Why should you never play Hacky Sack with Bigfoot

You'll get you sack-squashed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyRandyRyan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
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What do you get when you cross a Vegetable Patch with a Dinosaur?

Squash

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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How does a vegetable win a fight ?

With carrot-y

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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What do you get if Godzilla steps on a bar?

Pub Squash!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecIsMuchJuvenile
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a farm?

Squashed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Mommy tomato, daddy tomato, and baby tomato were all out for a leisurely Sunday stroll

They walked through the flower gardens at the park. They skimmed stones across the lake. They fed the ducks bread.

It was a perfect Sunday.

Then daddy tomato had a call that his brother was in hospital. Across the road was a bus destined for that very place.

They ran back through the park dodging ducks and tripping on stones and getting tangled in foliage. Baby tomato was starting to lag a little. So daddy tomato, in a panic, shot glances at the arriving bus and his helpless offspring. He Ran to his son and with all his might squashed him into the pavement with his Dr Martins boots and said

"Ketchup"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
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I’m reading a book about these two melons that have a forbidden love. They’ve tried to run away together many times, but are caught every time.

It seems that no matter how hard they try, they just can’t-elope

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunkyFaz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?

They call themselves Squished Squash!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VerbalAcrobatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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What's the only root veggie that comes with a warning?

Butternut squash

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Someone hit my leg with a tub of lard.

Honestly, I'm just glad it wasnt a butternut squash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kayneargand
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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If two vegans are having an argument, is it still considered beef?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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To funny not to share
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PachaFerrera
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk

It shall be a security gourd

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brad_Barracuda
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Very proud of my five year old daughter. My wife screamed with a sound of absolute terror while in the shower earlier. I find out that she saw a few hairs together, thought it was a giant bug, and temporarily lost her mind. My daughter asked why she screamed...

...so I told her that her mom saw a few hairs fall out of her head and freaked out.

My daughter responds, completely deadpan, "mom had rabbits falling out of her head?"

She's going to be a great dad one day.

Edit: skipped a word

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeftHandedToe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Must've forgot my gourd again
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnydoe345
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoofyGoober1999
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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My girlfriend just decided to go and be a vegetarian

It's like I never knew herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/m_aurelius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
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Do competitive origami artists fold under pressure?
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2015
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Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year

Sorry to squash your enthusiasm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrYogurt1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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I work at Walmart and found a bunch of zucchini in with the hamburger.

Talk about squashing some beef

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeffUhl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?

Squash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Why was the DJ no longer allowed at the vegetable hospital?

He kept dropping sick beets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JinglesRasco
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
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What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?

Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grizzlyblur
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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I've no problem with people dressing up as a red vegetable, as long as you beetroot to yourself.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?

He was a squash-buckler

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pikk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a grape say when it's squashed?

Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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What do you get when you cross a vegetable patch with a dinosaur?

Squash

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?

Squash.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?

Squash.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?

Squash.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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