This time of year we switch out our old decorative squash for a new one -
It's the traditional changing of the gourd.
I had no idea my wife put a fake mustache on the squash
When I went to grab it, it caught me off gourd.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
I work at an Italian restaurant that sells squash in strands like spaghetti
You know why I hate butternut squash?
What did the squash say to the watermelon?
When someone is flirting with you by offering squash
I can't eat squash...
...I'm allergic to onomatopoetic food.
A squash was killed this week.
Witness accounts say he was gourd to death.
My son says he wants to grow squash when he gets older..
Me: "Really? you'll probably be gourd out of your mind"
Why are squashed grapes so sensitive?
They always let out a little wine.
Breaking: LEGO man gets squashed to death.
Two tomatoes crossed the street. One got squashed by a car, the other one passed it and said:
What did the grape say when it got squashed ?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine
What do you get if Godzilla steps on a bar?
How does a vegetable win a fight ?
I’m reading a book about these two melons that have a forbidden love. They’ve tried to run away together many times, but are caught every time.
It seems that no matter how hard they try, they just can’t-elope
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
What's the only root veggie that comes with a warning?
What do you get when you cross a vegetable patch with a dinosaur?
Someone hit my leg with a tub of lard.
Honestly, I'm just glad it wasnt a butternut squash.
If two vegans are having an argument, is it still considered beef?
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd
Must've forgot my gourd again
Very proud of my five year old daughter. My wife screamed with a sound of absolute terror while in the shower earlier. I find out that she saw a few hairs together, thought it was a giant bug, and temporarily lost her mind. My daughter asked why she screamed...
...so I told her that her mom saw a few hairs fall out of her head and freaked out.
My daughter responds, completely deadpan, "mom had rabbits falling out of her head?"
She's going to be a great dad one day.
Edit: skipped a word
I work at Walmart and found a bunch of zucchini in with the hamburger.
Talk about squashing some beef
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year
Sorry to squash your enthusiasm
Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?
My girlfriend just decided to go and be a vegetarian
It's like I never knew herbivore.
Do competitive origami artists fold under pressure?
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
I've no problem with people dressing up as a red vegetable, as long as you beetroot to yourself.
Why was the DJ no longer allowed at the vegetable hospital?
He kept dropping sick beets.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
What's a bug's most hated vegetable?
Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse...
A guest asked about our selection of grilled veggies
Fiancee: Let's see: summer squash...
Me: ...and some aren't!
What happened to the pumpkin when a man stepped on it?
Peas forgive the Facebook post.
What does a grape say when it's squashed?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?
What was the pumpkin’s favorite sport?
What is a pumpkins favorite sport?
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