I keep randomly shouting out β€œBroccoli” and β€œCauliflower”

I think I might have Florets.

(Edinburgh fringe festival 2019: credit to the comedian Olaf Falafel)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesallen1977
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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I keep randomly screaming "broccoli" and "cauliflower"

The doctor says i have florets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/callos05
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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I asked the operator to cauliflower...

She laughed so hard she hit the floret!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KeepTheFaith613
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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I asked my dad what the difference is between broccoli and cauliflower

He replied, β€œCauliflower is just broccoli that’s seen a ghost”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajade212
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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As seen on a post of a cauliflower that looked like a nuke cloud.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gehhhh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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Cauliflower

My 10 year old said,"Dad, who discovered cauliflower?.. and don't say Mr cauliflower or Mrs cauliflower or and member of the cauliflower family...!" (...Which of course I was about to)

So taken aback I said "it was a dog called flower. He was a collie". Best I could do in a tight spot!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rc538
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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What do you call Cauliflower?

Went grocery shopping with my dad, in the produce section he holds up a cauliflower and asks

Dad: What is this?

Me: That's cauliflower, did you really not know that?

Dad: Oh, I've always called-it-flower

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brandseller
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2017
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Me_irl
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ren_migrans
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
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Got my wife good with this one...

We were discussing how to make Cauliflower cheese, for our son's lunches this week. So you start with a roux and add milk to make white sauce, then add cheese to make cheese sauce. She then asked "what else can you add to a roux?" I quickly replied "there's always kanga." It took her a second, then she whacked me. My job is done.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/83n170
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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Dad: My doctor put me on a seafood diet

Son: I know dad, you see food you eat it.

Dad: No, I can only eat c foods, cantaloupe, cauliflower, carrots.

Son: ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclematthegreat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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For halloween, my daughter dressed up as Mary Poppins, and then asked me if she could just skip the vegan neighbor's house.

When I her asked why, she said it was because their "Stupid Cauliflower Licorice Tastes A Lot Like Dog Shit."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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Nearly all the funniest jokes at Edinburgh Fringe is dad jokes

The winner and the 9 runner ups: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets"

  • "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott
  • "What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones
  • "A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert
  • "A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith
  • "Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith
  • "I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff
  • "After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford
  • "To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons
  • "I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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Vegetables

I have a lot of pet names for my gf, but ever she since she’s been in a coma, I just cauliflower πŸ‘‰

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fabled_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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Went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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Just been to the new Mary Poppins themed restaurant

Super Cauliflower Cheese The Lobster Was Atrocious

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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Fruits and veggies

Orange you glad I came up with these grape and un-beet-able puns? Cauliflower (call a flower) shop. In celebration! It’s just bananas, and will drive you coco and nuts!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmiddleton6
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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What should you get Lassie, the star of the hit TV show, for Valentine's Day?

A cauliflower.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/urbanlohr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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Got my wife and baby

Asked my wife what my 7 month old was having for dinner. She said chicken, cauliflower, and carrots.

Me: oh, so he's having a c-food dinner? Her: ... Me: hahahahaha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZomBiffy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
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This conversation between my (ex)gf.

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me:

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zokoro
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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My husband is finally a dad!

While watching a cooking show, one of the chefs was using cauliflower to make a pizza crust.

Me: Oh, she's not using any flour.

My husband: well it's a type of flour!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Franklin_Beans
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
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