People are expecting a big turnip at the funeral.
I think I might have Florets.
(Edinburgh fringe festival 2019: credit to the comedian Olaf Falafel)
She laughed so hard she hit the floret!
The doctor says i have florets.
Soup of cauliflower, leeks, two eggs and olive oil juice.
He replied, “Cauliflower is just broccoli that’s seen a ghost”
My 10 year old said,"Dad, who discovered cauliflower?.. and don't say Mr cauliflower or Mrs cauliflower or and member of the cauliflower family...!" (...Which of course I was about to)
So taken aback I said "it was a dog called flower. He was a collie". Best I could do in a tight spot!
Went grocery shopping with my dad, in the produce section he holds up a cauliflower and asks
Dad: What is this?
Me: That's cauliflower, did you really not know that?
Dad: Oh, I've always called-it-flower
Me - Yeah sure bro I will cauliflowers.
Dad - Yeah sure son I would cauliflowers.
Melons and cauliflowers
We were discussing how to make Cauliflower cheese, for our son's lunches this week. So you start with a roux and add milk to make white sauce, then add cheese to make cheese sauce. She then asked "what else can you add to a roux?" I quickly replied "there's always kanga." It took her a second, then she whacked me. My job is done.
When I her asked why, she said it was because their "Stupid Cauliflower Licorice Tastes A Lot Like Dog Shit."
Son: I know dad, you see food you eat it.
Dad: No, I can only eat c foods, cantaloupe, cauliflower, carrots.
I have a lot of pet names for my gf, but ever she since she’s been in a coma, I just cauliflower 👉
The winner and the 9 runner ups: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets"
Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.
Super Cauliflower Cheese The Lobster Was Atrocious
Orange you glad I came up with these grape and un-beet-able puns? Cauliflower (call a flower) shop. In celebration! It’s just bananas, and will drive you coco and nuts!
Asked my wife what my 7 month old was having for dinner. She said chicken, cauliflower, and carrots.
Me: oh, so he's having a c-food dinner? Her: ... Me: hahahahaha
Long post is long:
Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!
Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.
Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!
Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!
Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...
Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.
Her: Thyme is running out...
Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!
Her: Aim for Potato Garden!
Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!
Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!
Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!
Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!
Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!
Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.
Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!
Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!
The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.
Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!
Are the spinach still operational?
Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.
Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...
Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!
Her: And the squashes and peas!
Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!
The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.
**Her:... keep reading on reddit ➡