I asked my wife to check the kale because it...

Looked a little iffy. She said "check it yourself, if its gross, dont use it." I said "i'd prefer you check it, I'm not a very good judge of kaleactor". She didnt even laugh or even snicker. Just an eye roll. This may have been my best pun in all of my fatherhood. Please tell me how awesome this pun was because, frankly, it's a killer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/charlesunit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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Forget kale.

What are Keith Richards and Betty White eating?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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Brainstorming food/movie theme nights. It es-kale-lated quickly. Only thing in my Bumble profile now.

When Harry Met Salad

What About Ke-Bob

Cumin to America

Weekend at Bearneaise II

Steakin I, II, & III

A Few Good Salmon

You’ve Got Kale

Shawshank Re-Dim Sum

Romancing the Scone

An Γ‰clair to Remember

Roman Hollandaise

Glazed and Confused

Bill & Ted’s Eggcellent Adventure

The Evil Bread

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Shrimp

Fondue the Right Thing

Ribeyes Wide Shut


Plante of the Grapes

Spider Manchu

Sushis All That

A Wok to Remember

Marsala-la Land

Apocalypse Cow

Die Chard

Die Chard with a Vinaigrette

Hogan’s Gyros

The Sand Latkes

A League of their Macaroni

Revenge of the Curds

Rush S’More

Braising Arizona

Demolition Ham

10 Things I hate About Ewe


Oliver and Com-penne

Dirty Rotten Chanterelles

Sex and the Satay

The Truth About Cats & Hotdogs

Morella Enchanted

Provolone Together

Clear and Pheasant Danger

The Big Chili

LΓ©mon: The Professional


Hocous Pocous

High Fi-Deli Meat


The Fifth Elementos

Muensters Inc.

There’s Something About Rosemary

I Am Ham

Quiche Lorraine Man

Barley & Me

Lentil Giants

Peggy SoufflΓ© Got Married

Face Stroganoff

Con GruyΓ©re

Fast Times at Porridgemont High

Bok Choys in the Hood


Requinoa for a Dream

Serial Cardamom

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/kat_fogg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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She'll kale me for this.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/blargscar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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My coworker dropped some kale

There was some kaleateral damage

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/Something_Syck
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2016
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Why doesn't Elton John like kale?

Because he's a rocketman!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/zerotwoalpha
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2015
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What kind of self defence do vegans use?


πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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This kaled me
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ‘€︎ u/iDimR03
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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The Punner’s Prayer

Dear Lord as week seek to produce puns worthy of your praise, lettuce relish this opportunity. We ask that you would cause humor to sprout in the hearts of those who think us nuts. Continue to cultivate in us passion, fruit which beets back sadness and joy which leeks into others. Though some may say we are corny we know you will give us sage wisdom. Give us the confidence to know we are kale’in it as we bring choy to the world and live apply ever after.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cool-breeze7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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What’s the best vegetable to have around when you get a flat tire?

A spare I guess

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ‘€︎ u/greatreference
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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And now the pasta will lead us in a hymn...
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ‘€︎ u/Razabeth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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Vegetable Puns Needed
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Pyramid76
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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Hit an iceberg
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ‘€︎ u/Infinity_XT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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What did the vegan say to the meat lover before killing him?

I'm going to kale you.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubsword
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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The White Devil
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/escape-ism
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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This has probably been said a thousand times, but my girlfriend somehow didn't find it hysterical.

While making dinner tonight for the family, my girlfriend wanted to add more of that dark, leafy, and easily pun-able green called Kale.

Girlfriend: Can I add more kale?

Me: Won't that be over-kale?

πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowofShasta
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2016
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What's healthier than me and orange soda?

Kenan and Kale

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbtehbuild
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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What's the difference between a sick baby cat and a hole full of cabbage?

One's a pale kit

The other's a kale pit

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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My coworker asked me if I'd ever stop being a vegetarian...

I told her I'd rather kale myself.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/ottodidakt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
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Got my Girlfriend good, while cleaning out the fridge

ME: "Does this kale need to be thrown away? We've had it for weeks and we haven't made it yet and it looks dead!!!"

GF: "No, it's fine."

ME: "You're KALE-ING me, Smalls!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/OneMan_OneBeard
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2015
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I couldn't resist my inner dad on a friend's garden post...

http://imgur.com/DspBxfM "I don't want to kale the mood, but sadly, my tomatoes didn't ketchup to yours. I think they bean squashed. Lettuce cue cumbersome thoughts so we can build courgettes! Bury them so they carrot in the ground: tuber or not to be, that is the question!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/boraxus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2015
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Very bad dad joke at work today...

So I work in a cafeteria/catering service for a billion dollar company, I serve executives of said company.. Today we had a very good kale salad which garnered a bunch of compliments.. One lady asked how we made it..

I responded with a "it's a secret, if I told you I'd have to kale you!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Longshorebroom0
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2014
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Nickolodeon decided to go Green this spring

They're only going to be airing Keenan and Kale for now on.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2014
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Another good dinnertime dad joke

As I was eating dinner with my dad, he goes to put some pasta in the microwave with few oregano leaves on the top. I saw this and asked, "Is that okay to microwave raw oregano? I hope it doesn't turn out like kale." (For the few of you who have tried microwaving kale like me, you'll know that it sparks, smokes, and eventually catches fire.)

My dad responded with, "Yeah I hope it doesn't turn out like the kale, because then it will be chard."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/right_in_two
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
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