Did you hear about the two guys who stole a truck full of broccoli?

To get away, they really had to floret.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mdwelsh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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How much broccoli is left ?

Don’t worry son there’s planty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandcanyon19
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.

The doctor said: β€œI can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Light_bulbnz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.

The doctor says: β€œI can tell right away that you’re not eating right”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Light_bulbnz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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What did the broccoli say to the cauliflower while making their getaway?

"Floret!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brixan1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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I keep randomly shouting out β€œBroccoli” and β€œCauliflower”

I think I might have Florets.

(Edinburgh fringe festival 2019: credit to the comedian Olaf Falafel)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesallen1977
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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You can't spell broccoli without Rocc.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notskylarg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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What's the difference between broccoli and boogers? (You know, snot...)

Kids won't eat broccoli

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobthereddituser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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I keep randomly screaming "broccoli" and "cauliflower"

The doctor says i have florets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/callos05
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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A piece of broccoli was late for a meeting.

He got in a cab and yelled "floret!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruscheinskyc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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I asked my dad what the difference is between broccoli and cauliflower

He replied, β€œCauliflower is just broccoli that’s seen a ghost”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajade212
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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Question about broccoli in divorce

If you got divorced because of a broccoli argument (long story) and a month after the divorce you notice your ex in the supermarket, and she has a produce bag full of broccoli crowns in her shopping cart, and you sneak up while she's not looking and swap the bag of crowns for a bag of stalks, can you be charged with stalking?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aiaor
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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What did commander broccoli say to Sargent potato when he discovered that he was leaking information to the enemy?

You TAITOR!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yup_Pup
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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What’s the difference between broccoli and boogers?

Kids won’t eat broccoli.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DigleDagle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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What do the broccoli say to the ranch?

I'm going to take a dip

Courtesy of my 10 year old boy, very proud of him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesummond
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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I was eating garden fresh broccoli with my family.

After being the only one who ate some, I noticed that there were two dead caterpillars on the plate, meaning I likely ate a few of them in the broccoli before noticing.

My fiance, as soon as I told no one else to eat the broccoli because caterpillars, immediately spoke up and said, "Are you nervous about eating those? Because I'm sure your going to have butterflies in your stomach about it later."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordbearhammer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2016
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Peas or Broccoli?

My sister sends out a group text asking if she should bring peas or broccoli to our thanksgiving dinner.

My family responds 5 votes for peas 0 votes for broccoli.

I respond "If you want broccoli speak up now or forever hold your peas!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iwannabewitty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
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I told my dad that broccoli was really starting to grow on me

β€œNo son, broccoli grows in the ground”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thunderuss
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
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What's the difference between the hulk and broccoli (x-post from /r/funny)

I dunno the difference but they're both steamed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dude1k1k15
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2016
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