Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh
I got gas for $1.19 today!
Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
The Price of Gas is Rising
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
I just put gas in the car
You might want to crack a window
I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.
I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
Do you know why laughing gas makes you laugh?
Did you hear about the soldier who got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...
... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.
Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.
What would a car without any gas be called in Madagascar?
I keep complementing my local gas station when training my dog.
Laughing gas should be Helium instead of Nitrous Oxide.
Not only does it make your voice sound funny, but a bunch of it together goes He He He.
All this fuel pump talk is a real gas.
What has three letters and starts with gas?
I call my gas pedal 'Vincent'
Because it makes my van go.
I quit my job at the helium gas factory today
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
I used to only pass gas on Democrats, but now I pass gas on Republicans too.
I guess that makes me bifartisan.
I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
Compressed air at gas stations used to be FREE, but now you have to pay $2!
It’s got a wooden frame, wooden engine, wooden wheels and a wooden gas tank. Did he ride it? No, wooden start
How does someone learn to pass gas?
Through extensive and persistent tootelage.
Who can drink 5 gallons of gas and not get sick?
When my car has gas, I'm tank-full
Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!
A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.
Did he ride it? No. It wooden start
I think my car has a gas leak...
I have to keep filling the gas tank
If Dracula passed gas
It would be a Nosferatoot.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
I surprised my wife by filling her car up with gas today.
She seemed pretty tank-full.
My son hates art so much that his body releases gas every time we talk about it
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?
Did you hear about the solider that got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?
He’s now a seasoned veteran
Remember when they used to have air at the gas station for free? Now it’s $1.50
Air used to be free at gas stations, now it's $1.50. Know why?
Before air was free at the gas station, and now you have to pay for it? You know why?
I got gas today for $1.39.
Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
What do you call a soldier who has survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
I got gas today for $1.39.
Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle...
It was an ether/oar situation...
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