As we drove past Ikea, my dad began one of his rants “Why do people want Swedish furniture? The fancy closet in my bedroom was built by a good ol’ fashioned local carpenter, none of this foreign import rubbish!” He was surprisingly vocal...
NEWS reporter “Australian border security caught teens trying to import 400 million dollars worth of ice”
Dad “if I knew ice was worth that much I’d put more in the fridge”
The most important part of a mail pun, is the delivery.
Some people were arguing about the most important part of a kitchen.
"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."
But another person said,
"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"
The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.
What’s the more important race, a 5k or a mile?
The 5k because a mile race doesn’t meter.
My wife has been cold to me lately, so I figured a hobby might make her more receptive to my advances. I figured why not stamp collecting? Well, I learned an important lesson...
Philately will get you nowhere
Chairman Mao must be an important guy
My cat won't stop talking about him.
Why is it important for a chicken coup to only have 2 doors?
Because otherwise it would be a chicken sedan.
Important questions being asked
What is the most important part of a Daylight Saving Time bill?
My wife and I had this weird argument as to which vowel is the most important.
It's important never to cut funding for gritters.
Once you lose one it's a slippery slope.
The most important thing to me is my alarm clock
It’s what gets me out of bed in the morning
When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing
But it's what's inside that counts
If you order a bust be made before you do anything important, let’s be honest.
You’re just getting a head of yourself.
The word "liner" is so important
that it's under "lined" in the dictionary.
The trees around the house are starting to bud. I said to my wife, "Honey, do you know what happens when the trees leaf out?"
A look of hopeful curiosity washed over her as she fell into my trap. "No, what?"
"Very SHADY things."
It must've reminded her that she had something else to do that was very important.
Forgiveness is the most important part of a well balanced breakfast.
There was a debate suggesting the environment isn’t that important after all.
It was pretty anti-climatic
The most important question before choosing your future wife ...
What do you call a tax on imported cow manure?
These are very important lab-reports
But that’s not important right now
What’s the most important part of a joke timing?
I never knew making socially awkward comments was such an important part of playing golf...
But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"
Dad jokes are important
They are a big part of pop culture
Character spacing is important, for example: ...
...writing: "I have a music album". 🎶
...versus: "I have a musical bum". 🎺
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
What do you call an important message to the staff of a building materials company?
In these dark times, it’s important we all continue to make puns.
You know, to make light of the situation the worlds in right now.
I use Ironman sounds in my phones event calander for important stuff.
I’d like to highlight the important part of my argument
Whats the most important thing to be when living in Asgard with a corrupt police force?
Gravity is a very important part of our existence. What happens when you remove it?
It's important to lose closely at lawn signs during election campaigns....
Last time I cast my vote for a real estate agent.
I think it’s so important to keep speeches short and meaningful, I just stand up and say plethora
A couple were doing their work on the same table.
The husband picked up a highlighter pen and asked his wife what it was.
"A highlighter pen", said the wife.
"And what is it used for?"
"To mark important thing", the wife answered.
Then the husband drew a huge line on her forehead.
Not the best joke ever but I just came up with it and felt you could do it to your significant other.
Punctuation is very important for women. Missing a coma is ok but missing a period can sometimes be devastating.
I can understand why the invention of the wheel is looked upon as one of the most important achievements of mankind
It was a very pivotal moment
Natural numbers fail to understand the importance of decimal numbers.
They always miss the point.
I would like a set of containers for my kitchen. I would like to store my baking soda, borax, milk of magnesia, drain cleaner, and ammonia. Most importantly, they need to have very secure lids.
I like to keep all my bases covered.
Its important to keep some candy in your pocket at all times.
Dad told me the three most important unwritten rules in life.
I just had an half hour argument with my 5 year old about the importance of wearing pants in public, and she won.
So today I’m wearing pants to take her to school.
My wife and I had this huge argument as to which vowel is the most important.