This is how you make neon geen.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My wife got mad after I tried to convince her that she'd agreed to let me buy a neon sign.

I guess she doesn't like gas lighting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iron__giant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Why is Neon sad?

Because all his friends Argon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MinatoAristao
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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I bought a neon palm tree light and I want to name it.

I want a punny name for it that makes people cringe. As of right now it’s Arnold Palmer... please give me more suggestions πŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whymsie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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Neon Argon
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hazyhasib
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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Me: Sees a neon sign that’s turned off...

Hey everyone, check out that neooff sign!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sloppyblowjobs69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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Chemistry jokes are sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kelsien
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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Neon walks into a bar, the barman says "we don't serve noble gasses in here"

Neon doesn't react

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChazyLamy
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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I went to the craft store, and got a new neon-colored marker.

It was the highlight of my whole day, actually.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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How do you break a neon sign?

Put your knee on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diesel_Measles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
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Why did the dad kneel on the Christmas lights?

He wanted to put up neon lights.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I think Helium hates my jokes.

He doesn’t react to any of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewYTTRA
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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How come no one at the kings table laughed when he farted?

Because noble gases don't cause reaction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBaczuk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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I tried to make a joke about noble gases

Unfortunately, I found out that most of them Argon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zBauk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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What club do racist scientists join?

The Potassium Potassium Potassium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unkempt_ROUS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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I just read about an electric sign company that is having problems due to covid 19

They got rid of all their neon essential employees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ima420r
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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3 Muslim women walk into Hungry Jacks

One is dressed entirely in bright pink, another neon green, and another in gorgeous gold.

A man ordering food at the counter notices them and asks the employee why they are wearing such bright colours, to which the employee responds:

"The burkas are better at Hungry Jack's"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kie723
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A β€˜gram’ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a β€œcarbonkneel”


What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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The story of my friend Sam

HI I’m Tim the turtle, yes a real turtle. And I would like to tell you the story of my best friend. I once had a friend by the name of Sam. Sam of course was a clam. A real live honest to goodness clam. He was my best buddy, but unfortunately he smoked and drank and ran around with loose women (and a few men). I was more of the goodie two shoes type. I never drank, never smoked, I didn’t even swear. But for some reason Sam and I were the best of friends. I guess you can say we were the epitome of opposites attracting. One day as we were hanging out walking along the beach Sam, after his fifth cigarette in a row, had a heart attack and died. I was heart broken. My best friend died right there in front of me and he never repented his evil ways. I was sure he would spend eternity in damnation. Sigh. Being the goodie two shoes type I was still extremely healthy well into my old age. I missed my friend terribly for many years. On his birthday I would host a party and invite his old stripper girlfriends and poker buddies around to relive stories. It was always a fun evening, but in the end left me more lonely than before. Eventually, my broken heart couldn’t stand it anymore and I too died. I was pleased to find that there was a heaven. Being an almost saint I was whisked directly past the line to the Pearly Gates to be greeted by St. Peter. A big grin erupted on his face and he came right around his desk to give me a great big hug. β€œTim”, he said, β€œYou have been such a good person back on earth that God has asked me to grant you any wish you would like before even entering heaven”. To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement. I thought for a minute, I guess God expected me to ask for more time on earth, but I knew what I really wanted to do was to visit with my old friend Sam. So I asked. Poor St. Peter didn’t know what to say. You know Sam is in Hell right? Well I knew that was a strong possibility so I wasn’t surprised. Peter excused himself for a while and went to check with the big guy himself. He was gone quite some time, but eventually he returned. Peter said my request was approved, but under a few conditions. First, I would have to carry a golden harp as a passport back into heaven. This harp could only be carried by a good soul so I couldn’t be replaced by a look alike demon. Second, I would have to return by midnight. God didn’t want me to face too much temptation. I agreed to these conditions and took the highway down to hell. (Nope n

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dendari
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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I was gonna make a joke about Sodium...

But Na, all the good ones Argon

Hahaha... I slapped my Neon that one! Do you wanna hear one about Potassium? No...?

K, I'll show myself out, then.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2016
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My buddy got me on the way to the bachelor party

As we pass a building lit up in neon lights

Him sort of kidding: "Hey, you think that's a strip club?

Me: "I don't know about that man"

Him: "Oh. No, that's an auto body shop... Well, they are strippers"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheStoneAge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
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My Dad's Deon.

Today, my dad told me about his friend Deon, and the many nicknames he had when he was job-switching.

Dad: He works on boats now, so we call him Freeon Deon (I didn't actually get this one.)

But before that, when he worked in the lights section of Home Depot, he was Neon Deon.

And when he was a plumber, we called him Peon Deon.

But after a while, he told me, with such a sombre and serious face, that that entire time, Deon's wife worked at one hard, thankless job to keep his spirits up.

Me: What was that Dad?

Dad: Her job... was to Be On Deon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Griffinson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2014
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Dad joked my sister while at the airport.

Sister: "I'm so, incredibly bored."

Me: "Hi, so incredibly bored, I'm NeonFlame126"

Sister: -.-

Me: :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeonFlame126
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2014
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Dinner dad joke

So we just sat down at a pizza place and my dad is wearing a neon green hoodie from working as a parking lot attendant

Waitress: well your hoodie is really bright!

Dad: thanks! I just charged it up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATmotoman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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