He fits the bill.
Four pirates looking for a lost parrot
Toucan
I thought to myself that toucan play at that game.
I said toucan play that game.
They were a species of peliwon'ts.
I'm no bird expert but I'm guessing 3 females and 1 male.
His beak can hold more than his bellycan.
I feel with my hands.
That was my dad’s go to, directly followed by: dad: can I make you a sandwich Me: sure Dad: (does magic hands) poof you’re a sandwich
It’s almost 3 years since he died. I miss his joke every damn day.
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
The Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) found over 200 dead crows on U.S. Highway 281 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.
A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).
The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorcycles, while only 2% were killed by cars.
TxDOT then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorcycle kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"!!!
A hornbill in a rainforest screeched triumphantly! “Hahaha I am the king of the birds for I have the biggest beak.” He sat on his branch smugly, smiling to himself when another bird with an extraordinary beak landed beside him and scoffed,“Toucan play at that game.”
In Wal-mart, looking for my girlfriend, and trying to practice my spanish
I look around and say "donde estan, donde estan, donde estan", kind of thinking about this song I heard years ago.
She goes, what does "donde estan mean?"
I say, well it sort of means "where are you, or where are they? I'm looking for your mom and your sister."
Her reply was "I donde estahnd what your saying"
Because it's beak can hold more than it's belly can.
"Wow," he said, "You must have been flying."
Again, the bartender tells him, "No, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes."
The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"
The duck is silent for a moment and then asks, "Got any nails?"
Confused, the bartender says no.
"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"
Because their beaks can hold more then their belly can.
“Put ‘em in the blender and pull out the beaks.”
Yes, he’s a dad. And yes, he was proud of that.
It walks up to the librarian and says "Bock!". The library gives it a book and the chicken takes it in its beak and walks out.
A minute later the chicken comes walking back in and says "Bock! Bock!". The librbrian gives it 2 books and the chicken takes them and walks out.
A few minutes after that the chicken comes back says "Bock! Bock! Bock!". The librarian gives the chicken 3 books but follows him out to see what's going on.
The chicken puts the books down in front of a frog who says "reddit reddit reddit"!
Just beakause.
He said, "I dunno, I guess with their beaks."
I found some other good ones on this video chain of dad jokes on hoop.
Me: Yes, cooking chicken.
Her: How does it smell?
Me: Not too sure. Maybe through its beak?
My sister: "Do ducks have beaks or bills?"
My dad: "Bills. Although I don't know how they can pay them. They don't have any money."
Me: "Hey, it's Vladimir the wood pecker!" Group of friends: "Why Vladimir?"
"Because he won't stop putin' his beak in other bird's trees."
Collective groan achieved.
We were playing trivial pursuit when I was younger, and he gets a question.
"What does a Peacock mate with?"
He looks around the room, going a bit red..
"I dunno, it's beak?!!"
Dropped this one on my Beavers Group last night during crafts. The kids referred to their beaks as noses, and in the process of correcting them, I asked how a turkey smells without a nose?
Delicious.
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."
There was concern that they might have died from Avian Flu. An avian pathologist examined the remains of the crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not avian flu. The cause of death was vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the birds beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that nearly 96% of the crows had been struck by trucks, while only 4% were car impacts.
The MTA then hired an Ornithological Behavourist to determine the reason for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills vs car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat roadkill, they have a look-out crow nearby to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah!", none could shout "Truck!"
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."
and says "Hey bartender, got any grapes?"
The bartender replies: "This is a bar, we don't have grapes here."
The next day the duck returns and inquires: "Hey bartender, got any grapes?"
Says the bartender: "I told you yesterday: this is a bar. We don't have grapes here."
The next day the duck is back. "Hey bartender. Got any grapes?"
"NO!" shouts the bartender. "If you come back asking for grapes again, I will nail your beak to this bar!"
The next day the dug is back again:
"Hey bartender: got any nails?" "NO! This is a BAR, not a hardware store!"
...
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...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"Got any grapes?"
CROW KILLS
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck." Absolutely amazing!
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."
Amazing!
