Oh damn guess I get to keep my tip
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Castille_92
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
thanks for the tip
πŸ‘︎ 212
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattloKei
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
I always give good tips to my waiters

"be nice to your customers"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
Dis a tip of the cone
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
Those tips should never be foresakeskin.
πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/learjet2014
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
Those tips should never be foresakeskin.
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/learjet2014
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
So I was rolling coins from my tip money and placing the rolled up sleeves on each other forming a kind of pyramid shape:

My sister walks up to me and asks: β€œAre you creating a pyramid scheme?”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ColinHenrichon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
it’s just the tip of the iceberg
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buttholepretzel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.

You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cozykinkajou
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
Quarantine Tip #19: Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent.

Then it Dawned on me.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
Quarantine Tip #2:

Diarrhea is an early symptom of Coronavirus infection.

So try to loaf as long as you can.

That's a solid tip.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
Don’t forget to tip your server
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PanchofromAZ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Here's a tip:

5$

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndiChR
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
Christmas Tip
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acadiel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Helpful tip for a knife fight
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ferrybig
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife just got a breast reduction surgery done and the doctor slapped a couple pieces of paper across her nipples that had bandage removal tips...

They were post-tit notes.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timmyb55
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
Tip of my tongue

Guys, help me out here. I can't remember the name of this old action movie. Bilbo Baggins has to stop a terrorist plot and save his wife in the Nakatomi Towers. Oh, that's it.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigchefpeter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
I spent all day trying to balance a screw on it's tip.

All I ended up doing by the end was just screwing around.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethanol314
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
Tip of the day: The toilets at Lowes are just for display.

(they should put signs on those, or something..)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicGuy66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Tips to make running on a treadmill more bearable

Step 1: Add a bear

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Felt tip maka
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DVa4evermaka4ever
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If you’re looking for a tip: Wait for it...
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lilsguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Pro tip: wait until next year to get lasik or other corrective eye surgery

so you can have 2020 vision

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sakibug
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Tech tip: It’s dangerous to download β€œCome Sail Away” or β€œSatisfaction” on ITunes. β€œTurn, Turn, Turn” is perfectly fine however.

Styx and Stones may break your phones, but the Byrds will never hurt you.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Always make sure to tip the gynecologist.

They're in the cervix industry.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iresenteverything
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever I go out to eat I always tip my server.

I've also learned that servers have horrible balance.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Now that's a tip
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Just the tip
πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathlysin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Do ever become so clumsy that you accidentally tip the glasses?
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeersRightArm
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
More and more people are sticking cheese on the tips of their fingers. Jane, who puts Camembert on her index finger, is a casein point.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Soap tips.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1SLAYER1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I was asking my wife for some work out tips, she suggested I try lunges

I thought, that's a big step.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WaxyTax
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you ever hear the name of the famous knight known to cut off the tips of his enemies penises?

Sir Cumcision

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PumpkinnKinng
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œHello Police, I would like to leave an anonymous tip.”

Dispatcher: Go ahead.

Man: Vaccinations don’t cause autism.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A financial tip: Don’t invest in skiing companies.

The entire sport is going downhill fast.

πŸ‘︎ 428
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend told me this long story on how he lost the tip of his index finger in an accident.

It was a bit pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Unethical Life Pro Tip: Put nicotine in your fishing bait

Once you catch a fish, it'll be hooked.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jjrgd97
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Got these sexy frosted tips.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hippity-potato
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Study tip: Don't drink water while studying

Because water decreases concentration.

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maximmilliam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
If anyone needs a tip on where to store leftover Halloween candy...

I’ve got a few Twix up my sleeve.

πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnmadness
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
A tip for rope-climbing

Whenever you’re scared, tell yourself you’re knot afraid.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soosoos19926
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
TIP FOR TODAY: Don't try to sneak popcorn in the movie theater.

They'll never let you use their microwave.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pencil with a broken tip?

Nevermind... it's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheezyScrublord
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My job circumsizing elephants doesnt pay much but the tips are huge.
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatTheCoolyDude
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Knowing the measurement from the tip of your thumb to the tip of your pinky finger is pretty handy.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Kfrey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw knee care tips on YouTube and I was like...

I kneed to try this

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeputySouls
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Pro tip for the kitchen. If you're out of onions and you really need one...

Just take your opinion and subtract 3.14.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cellocat007
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 548
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mairiphinc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
🚨︎ report
what do you tip Italian chefs?

A Penne Each

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cutiefuzzy2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
PRO TIP: The biggest myth about travel is "packing light" - don't bother! Light is available from the sun and artificial sources worldwide.
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Diok22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Here’s a little Tip

tip

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stoticpython
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Tip jar at a local pizza place i.reddituploads.com/a81d6…
πŸ‘︎ 380
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbenet31
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Tip: NEVER buy anything that has Velcro.

It's always a rip-off.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I forgot to tip the waiter today

I left a restaurant about an hour ago and thought to myself "I didn't tip the waiter,Larry!!" So I had to drive all the way back. It's a long way to tip a Larry.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stupidboy0
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
My first job was low pay but I made big tips

I circumcised elephants at the zoo.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpecOpsAlpha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
This tip jar at a local pizza place
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doctopi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad i really want to get into Harvard, any tips you could give me?

Dad: have you tried the gate?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krishnakeshan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Camping tip: If smoke follows beauty, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder...

... then smoke is always in your eye.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jhm718
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
2 Tips for Christmas...

Forget the past – you can't change it

Forget the present – I didn't get you one...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/feathersoft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife suggested we follow some Marie Kondo tips to tidying up our home

I asked her if we should wait for the townhouse version

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Does anyone got any tips on how to get friends?

Asking for a friend.

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/webcamdad_56
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cow that tried to tip a van?

It wasn’t stroganoff...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sacredae
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œHelloβ€”police? Can I leave an anonymous tip?”

Dispatcher: Sure. Go ahead.

Me: Flossing prevents tooth decay.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
🚨︎ report
If anyone has a tip on how to fix broken hinges,just drop on in.

My door is always open.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Tips for colleges

I remember when I was little, I’m 40 now, my dad and I were at a concession stand at a ferry terminal, probably Edmonds-Kingston. There was a tip jar that had a sign, β€˜Tips for college.’ My dad quipped, β€˜Don’t go to WSU.’

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pjhadster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
🚨︎ report
"Lettuce shortage could be tip of the iceberg as heatwave continues" - The Telegraph. That was worthy of the Grauniad.
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MartiniPlusOlive
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
🚨︎ report
A tip if you’re going to Santa Cruz.

Keep your eyes PEELED for banana slugs.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Commits_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the kids tip the stoned cows?

The stakes were too high.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vernal59
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
*tips hat at mosquito*

M’laria

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Don't forget to tip your servers [x-post r/pics] imgur.com/UHFjdpi
πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jrbuchanan2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2016
🚨︎ report
What's your best "here's a tip:" joke?

Here's a tip: don't fart in a space suit.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/heavydstrip
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
🚨︎ report
Any tips for playing pool?

Last night I was being demolished by a friend while playing. In the middle of the game, my dad (who’s an excellent pool player) calls me. I pick up and tell him I’m losing at pool and need a pro tip from him. He tells me:

Don’t get wet...

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CricketPancakeMix
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Tips on building a better relationship with my Dad who is a little person?

Every time I try to get closer he just seems a little father.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elyas_machera
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Where do geese call to get tips on how to fly together?

Information.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NewWhirledOrder
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Life tip

You should never run away from your problems, Unless your problem is: being chased by a bear.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Commander-Keller
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
🚨︎ report
5 TIPS FOR UNDERSTANDING & TELLING DAD JOKES
  1. Dad jokes are not made to make you laugh they are only meant for dad(s)
  2. the louder the groan the better the joke.
  3. A pun and a dad joke ARE NOT THE SAME!!
  4. Having children gives you credibility not the right to tell dad jokes.
  5. Not all bad jokes are dad jokes but ALL dad jokes are bad jokes.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stumpalumpagous
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I hate having to take my baby son to the doctors, it cost so much and they always keep the tip.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/willgchurch1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2017
🚨︎ report
A tip for dads with menstruating wives.

Menstruation jokes are not funny. Period.

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tm1bf4td4tgf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
🚨︎ report
I'm having trouble blending in with the reddit community. Any tips?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rb612
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2014
🚨︎ report
While in the bathroom, my wife said, "Honey can you give me a q-tip?"

"Capitalize Q when it's at the beginning of a sentence."

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/starchybunker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did the train tip over on the tracks?

Because they forgot their training wheels.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustAGuyInTampa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Tri-tip dad joke

Just days after my dad made some tri-tip my family had another get together which my brother-in-law brought some ridiculously good tri-tip. Definitely blew the my dad's stuff out of the water.

Me: "I have to tell you, your tri-tip was good but Nick's (brother-in-law) is next level"

Dad: "Well that may be true but I helped him by giving him advice. In fact, I gave him three pieces of advice. Thats why they call it tri-tip!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MIBPJ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2016
🚨︎ report
On the tip of my toungue

I've been trying to think of a Miley Cyrus joke for a while now, but i can't get it twerk.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NewtEmpire
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad texted me this while I was at the emergency room after chopping the tip off of my finger.

I had cooked smoked sauasge and was chopping jalapeΓ±os and cut the tip off my finger.

He texted me while at the emergency room commenting on the sausages:

"The sausages are really good but there is something different about them and I can't quite put my finger on it"

He followed up with this when my girlfriend and I returned from the hospital:

"Elizabeth are you hungry? We have some finger sandwiches if you are."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firm_as_red_clay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Our waiter earned a nice tip..

I was visibly tired and struggling to even get through the menu when I asked for his suggestion.

Waiter: "Might I suggest the Filet Migyawn"

I returned with an immediate fist bump and thanked him for his masterpiece.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WayneWorld
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2016
🚨︎ report
My friend just bought a knife with a blunt tip

it's pretty pointless

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Glorthiar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Tool tips

I was doing some wood-burning/pyrography this evening, and my husband was taking a look at the tool I use...

Him: ..So you've got different tips for that?

Me: Yep! The first one is don't touch the hot part.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2016
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nkrieg24
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
🚨︎ report
Handy baking tip.

If there's one thing I know about baking, it's never ask a gangster to ice the cake.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SBNC
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2016
🚨︎ report
I got some good tips on how to spice my roast chicken

I guess you could say it was....sage advice.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rahkshi_hunter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad's "tech tip"

My dad posted this on Facebook yesterday.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icecreamcake724
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Tech tip: It’s dangerous to download β€œCome Sail Away” or β€œSatisfaction”. It’s perfectly safe to download β€œTurn, Turn, Turn”

Styx and Stones may break your phones, but Byrds will never hurt you.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report

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