Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...

Riceless

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens to the tip of the penis during a circumcision?

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justainsel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
My kid said he didn’t want the tri tip I bought him for dinner

So I told him if he didn’t eat, his life would be at steak

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Devin-707
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a tip for a horse in tomorrow’s big race, it’s won all its races, it’s called β€œdusty carpet”

It’s never been beaten.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elmachow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Oh damn guess I get to keep my tip
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Castille_92
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Life Pro Tip ~ Don't ever put ducks in a cement mixer because…

You'll get quacks in the pavement!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Pro tip: If you are looking for a cheap way to work out at home, consider using milk jugs as weights.

But be sure to use almond or soy milk, I’ve heard they’re the healthier alternatives.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimothy05
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t forget to tip the waitress
πŸ‘︎ 125
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DesDesign11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The tall guy who tips off the ball to start basketball games was found deceased at mid-court...

Dead center.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
thanks for the tip
πŸ‘︎ 217
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattloKei
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a great safety tip for Halloween this year

Wear a mask!!!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Customers always ask if I take tips

But I say no since I don't like change

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain-Americano
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Son, you should always tip the waitress

Tip her, but don’t let her fall

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chuffedmemes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend told me that she was worried she was turning into a costal area at the southwestern tip of the Gower Peninsula in south Wales. I said to her...

Don't be Rhossili Bae

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Those tips should never be foresakeskin.
πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/learjet2014
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Dis a tip of the cone
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I always give good tips to my waiters

"be nice to your customers"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Those tips should never be foresakeskin.
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/learjet2014
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
it’s just the tip of the iceberg
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buttholepretzel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Christmas Tip
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acadiel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
So I was rolling coins from my tip money and placing the rolled up sleeves on each other forming a kind of pyramid shape:

My sister walks up to me and asks: β€œAre you creating a pyramid scheme?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ColinHenrichon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t forget to tip your server
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PanchofromAZ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.

You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cozykinkajou
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Quarantine Tip #19: Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent.

Then it Dawned on me.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Helpful tip for a knife fight
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ferrybig
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Quarantine Tip #2:

Diarrhea is an early symptom of Coronavirus infection.

So try to loaf as long as you can.

That's a solid tip.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Here's a tip:

5$

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndiChR
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Tech tip: It’s dangerous to download β€œCome Sail Away” or β€œSatisfaction” on ITunes. β€œTurn, Turn, Turn” is perfectly fine however.

Styx and Stones may break your phones, but the Byrds will never hurt you.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Tip of the day: The toilets at Lowes are just for display.

(they should put signs on those, or something..)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicGuy66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife just got a breast reduction surgery done and the doctor slapped a couple pieces of paper across her nipples that had bandage removal tips...

They were post-tit notes.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timmyb55
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Tip of my tongue

Guys, help me out here. I can't remember the name of this old action movie. Bilbo Baggins has to stop a terrorist plot and save his wife in the Nakatomi Towers. Oh, that's it.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigchefpeter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I spent all day trying to balance a screw on it's tip.

All I ended up doing by the end was just screwing around.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethanol314
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Tips to make running on a treadmill more bearable

Step 1: Add a bear

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Felt tip maka
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DVa4evermaka4ever
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If you’re looking for a tip: Wait for it...
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lilsguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Now that's a tip
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sonujohny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Pro tip: wait until next year to get lasik or other corrective eye surgery

so you can have 2020 vision

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sakibug
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Just the tip
πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathlysin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever I go out to eat I always tip my server.

I've also learned that servers have horrible balance.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Always make sure to tip the gynecologist.

They're in the cervix industry.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iresenteverything
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Do ever become so clumsy that you accidentally tip the glasses?
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeersRightArm
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A financial tip: Don’t invest in skiing companies.

The entire sport is going downhill fast.

πŸ‘︎ 428
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Soap tips.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1SLAYER1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If anyone needs a tip on where to store leftover Halloween candy...

I’ve got a few Twix up my sleeve.

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnmadness
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Study tip: Don't drink water while studying

Because water decreases concentration.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maximmilliam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.