Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
What do you call a tipped over cow?
I kept telling my brother not to put the Q-tip in too deep, but he never listens to my words.
It goes into one ear, and out the other.
My kid said he didn’t want the tri tip I bought him for dinner
So I told him if he didn’t eat, his life would be at steak
I tried to give the Uber Eats driver another tip for my Vietnamese soup.
When I saw how much she tipped me...
Oh damn guess I get to keep my tip
I’ve got a tip for a horse in tomorrow’s big race, it’s won all its races, it’s called “dusty carpet”
Life Pro Tip ~ Don't ever put ducks in a cement mixer because…
You'll get quacks in the pavement!
Pro tip: If you are looking for a cheap way to work out at home, consider using milk jugs as weights.
But be sure to use almond or soy milk, I’ve heard they’re the healthier alternatives.
Don’t forget to tip the waitress
The tall guy who tips off the ball to start basketball games was found deceased at mid-court...
I have a great safety tip for Halloween this year
Why did the egg tip the waiter
Because the food was eggcellent
Customers always ask if I take tips
But I say no since I don't like change
Son, you should always tip the waitress
Tip her, but don’t let her fall
Those tips should never be foresakeskin.
My girlfriend told me that she was worried she was turning into a costal area at the southwestern tip of the Gower Peninsula in south Wales. I said to her...
What’s the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?
I just want to know the cutoff date.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over... now I’m
Sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
A tipped my psychic an extra $20.00 the other day...
She was a very happy medium.
Those tips should never be foresakeskin.
I always give good tips to my waiters
"be nice to your customers"
If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
What do you call the risk of tipping $50 instead of $5?
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Want to hear a circumcision joke?
it’s just the tip of the iceberg
I don't know why fly tipping has such a bad rep
If I think the flies have done a good job, I'll leave them a tip, I don't care. I've heard the pay is shit.
My friend worked at the zoo to circumcise elephants, the pay was bad but...
Don’t forget to tip your server
What do the Titanic and the Sixth sense have in common?
Icy dead people
Credit to b3ta
Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.
You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.
So I was rolling coins from my tip money and placing the rolled up sleeves on each other forming a kind of pyramid shape:
My sister walks up to me and asks: “Are you creating a pyramid scheme?”
Quarantine Tip #19: Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent.
Helpful tip for a knife fight
I never get cow tipping right
Is it 15%? 20%? I can never remember, I'm a terrible cow tipper
What’s a communist’s favorite thing to measure time with
Quarantine Tip #2:
Diarrhea is an early symptom of Coronavirus infection.
So try to loaf as long as you can.
That's a solid tip.
Tech tip: It’s dangerous to download “Come Sail Away” or “Satisfaction” on ITunes. “Turn, Turn, Turn” is perfectly fine however.
Styx and Stones may break your phones, but the Byrds will never hurt you.
Tip of the day: The toilets at Lowes are just for display.
(they should put signs on those, or something..)
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