I was on the bathroom scales, sucking my stomach in.
Thinking I was trying to weigh less with this manouver, my wife commented, "I don't think that's going to help !!"
"Sure it does " I retorted "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
I'm quitting my soul sucking corporate job to be a marine biologist.
I've gotta find some porpoise in my life.
Why are snakes so quiet when sucking on a cough drop?
Because of the anti-HISS-tamine
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Sucking the shit outta the pipe
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
ETA: a
A woman sees her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
“You know that’s not going to help, right?” she asks.
“Sure, it will,” he says. “It’s the only way I’ll be able to see the numbers.”
All of these posts about the black hole just keeps sucking me in!
Have you heard about the man who lost the toe sucking tournament?
What do you get when you cross a blood sucking arachnid with a moon worshiping cult?
This pun is like my vacuum cleaner. It blows a lot of hot air, but ends up sucking.
The word "politics" is derived from the word 'poly', meaning "many", and the word 'ticks', meaning "blood sucking parasites". (Larry Hardiman)
Being the new guy can suck
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
Cheap Phineas and Ferb pun; I know it sucks you don't need to tell me
Why couldn't Doofenshmirtz do his fractions?
Because Perry got rid of the denom-inator
Why do scientists suck at pulling pranks?
They lack the element of surprise!
Know your ABC's kids (Except for Guwucci, he sucks)
I decided to sell my vacuum...
It was only collecting dust.
Hope that job doesn’t suck
What’d that cab driver say to the guy getting in his car with a cheap hooker?
came up with this when i was seven so its gonna suck
Baby pirate: *poops*
Captain: Arrrgh who pooped
Baby Pirate: Aye Aye
You do realise that Vampires aren't real...
Unless you Count Dracula.
English sucks sometimes 😂
This sucks, 2022 is going to be terrible
Because 2022 is 2020, too
It must really suck being a banker.
We should have known this year was gonna suck. We were never gonna end the year as winners. The writing was on the wall. At the end of the year, we should have known we'd be facing the truth-
All of my inventions suck
I don’t mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...
and the box said 2-4 years!
What sucks at everything it does?
You know what really sucks?
If you suck at playing the trumpet...
Well that sucks.
https://preview.redd.it/8rgtwd2z7bk51.png?width=960&format=png&auto=webp&s=baab96b0cc2da34ea2ac4e3b0fa3df48d4af9ad7
Yeah it very suck for the cow
What's a vampire's favorite drink?
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Nobody wanted to buy my Red Hot Chili Peppers cd.
I have to give it away now
Buying vacuums has to be the most confusing thing ever....
You buy the one that sucks the most
The set up sucks but I thought it was pretty smart
A man makes an outline of a duck and cuts it out. An egg falls right in the middle. Now he has an egg in stencil crisis
What’s the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirtbag
Why does working at a prison suck?
Because it's full of cons.
I always sucked at math but that’s why I love biology.
It’s the only field where multiplication and division mean the same thing.
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!”
“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach.
Ha! That’s not going to help, she said. Sure, it does, I said. Its the only way I can see the numbers.
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...
“Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...
“Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach
“Ha! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
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