I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
What do you call Mark Zuckerberg in a bikini?
My son asked if he could have a book mark
I broke down crying. Its been 15 years and he still doesn't know my name is jack!
Just saw Mark Knopfler walking down the Road...
He was carrying a 19th century French masterpiece under his arm and a cage with 2 baby birds in his hand.
I asked how much they were and he said, "I got my Monet for nothing and the Chicks for free".
Today marks the 77th anniversary that my grandfather was responsible for bringing down 4 German bombers in one day during the war
He was the worst mechanic the luftwaffe ever had
I ran into my friend Mark who stole my dictionary.
I said, “Mark, my words!”
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life
"You just mark my words"
I said to the English teacher.
If Mark has been accused of plagiarizing my content; Mark!? My words.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears...
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
That’s gonna leave a mark...
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks “What are you counting?”
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
Why is Mark Zuckerberg better than Tim Cook?
My daughter was practicing her flute today, she said at bar 45 she needs to add in a breath mark.
I teared up, after all these years she still doesn't know my name is David.
He has a one track mind. Mark Twain is his father.
His name is.....
Choo choo Twain!
My grandpa used to have a job keeping score at baseball games. Every time someone scored a run, he'd whack up a mark on a chalkboard.
Nowadays you'd call him a scorekeeper, but back then he was a tally whacker.
Where did the question mark go
I know a lady who means well, but is very annoying telling people how to mark their trails...
She’s a caring cairn Karen.
Lisa will forever be remembered after she divorced Mark
Today my daughter asked "Can I have a book mark?"
I couldn't help but cry... She is 14 and still doesn't know my name is John.
Mark Zuckerburg failed his Turing Test today.
He doesn't know how to feel about it.
Where do pirates put the French accent mark cedilla?
"Mark my words—" said the pen...
... but the scissors cut him off.
If Mark Wahlberg married into the old French aristocracy...
Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:
Working titles for Mark Twain's biography
Somebody please write Mark Twain's biography and please title it either "Making a Mark" or "Unraveling Twain" I don't care which.
My college friend got accepted to a social group by having to float out in the bay to mark a channel for their boats....
I was the top student in my class until my teacher gave me very low marks.
Today my son typed "Can I have a book mark?"
I burst into tears. "Billy, please stop reposting the same joke for karma, everyone will hate you."
"Then give me the damn bookmark."
I gave him the bookmark.
He finally won.
Did you hear about the apocalyptic punctuation mark?
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life
I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary
I said, “Mark, my words!”
I confronted my friend Mark because he refuses to return my dictionary.
I said, “Mark, my words!”
Oh hi Mark
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
My son Tiberius just came up to me and said "can I have a book Mark?"
....and I burst into tears 🤣. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Memphis.
I was really mad at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary.
I said, “Mark, my words!”
Today my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” And I burst into tears. 15 years and he still doesn’t know my names Brian.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Today my son asked "can i have a book mark?" I burst into tears.
He is 11 years old and still doesn't know my name is Brian
Today, my son asked "Can i have a book mark?" And i burst into tears
11 years old and he still doesnt know my name is Brian
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