She won't let the other guys score
π︎ 64
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
Did you guys hear about the new Space Jam sequel where Marvin the Martian joins the Monstars, scores all of their points and they win it all?
You should check it out, itβs a really good Martian Scoresβeasy film
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
My grandpa used to have a job keeping score at baseball games. Every time someone scored a run, he'd whack up a mark on a chalkboard.
Nowadays you'd call him a scorekeeper, but back then he was a tally whacker.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
The score
π︎ 46
π
︎ Jul 26 2020
Do you know what they call the ability to predict sports scores?
ESPN.
(Credit to my husband who just laid this one on our kids and I)
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 02 2020
What does the announcer for the Miners Soccer League say when someone scores?
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 06 2020
And he scores!! (seen on r/technicallythetruth)
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jan 18 2020
What's the score between the ocean and the beach?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 15 2020
Martin was depressed because he could never get girls. Then Martin became a director. Now Martin scores easy.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 29 2019
I got a perfect score in my honey making exam.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 08 2019
Reddit should have an app so that every upvote you get improves your credit score
It would be called Creddit Karma
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 01 2019
I bet my son $10 I could predict the score of the Pats-Rams game tonight before it starts, and he said youβre on.
I said, βitβll be 0-0.β
π︎ 55
π
︎ Feb 03 2019
If you can see the box scores before the game even starts...
You must have ESP-N!
( ΰ² ΝΚΰ² )
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 09 2019
I like my women like I like my golf scores
In their 80s with a slight handicap
π︎ 365
π
︎ Apr 19 2018
What's the Score?
Me: 4 to 3
Friend: You're up?
Me: No, this is America
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 11 2019
What is it called if buccaneers leave a 3.14 score on TripAdvisor?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 04 2019
Polos versus Trebor mints, Polos score! And the whole crowd goes menthol
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 15 2019
I can tell you the score of any football game before it starts.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 17 2018
A woman texted her husband, asking him to rate how attractive she is from 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest score...
After reading her husband's short and quick reply, the woman happily called her husband and said, "Aww, you didn't have to send me the heart symbol as a reply to my question. How sweet of you!"
Her husband then said, "What heart symbol? I meant to say that I rate you as less than three!"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 05 2018
Bet I can tell you the score before the game starts,
0-0.
Watching march madness reminded me of this gem from the old man.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Mar 16 2018
Did you hear about the tennis player who did not score?
They didnβt score, but they still made love.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 26 2019
Who does a donkey see to get its FICO score?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 13 2018
I was playing tennis with my friend, and he got angry when I tried to write the score on his arm.
I swear, you can never count on that guy...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 22 2018
Whenever Sweden and Denmark play on a match, the score says SWE-DEN
and the remaining letters are "DEN" and "MARK"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 28 2018
Who does Oprah go to when she wants to score some drugs?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 02 2018
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeratings.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 14 2018
At a soccer match with Julius Caesar, Brutus asked, "What's the score, O Caesar?" Caesar replied...
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 12 2017
My dad told me he knows the score of the next Superbowl before it even happens
Its 0 to 0, of course thats the score before the game even starts
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 24 2018
Hey kids, what's the score?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Feb 05 2018
Hey, What's the score?
me: It's 1 to 3.
roommate: For?
me: 5, 6, 7.
π︎ 56
π
︎ Aug 12 2015
Lookin to score some quack?
π︎ 90
π
︎ Feb 02 2014
My credit score is pretty bad...
Yesterday I got turned down for a library card.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 24 2017
Dad zinged me when I told him about my golf score
I came out under par, wondered aloud what my handicap is.
Pops: "Usually it's your sense of humor!"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 06 2016
Managed to score my first dad joke (dad in training)
Yesterday I was able to pull off my first dadjoke!
Someone in my evening class said "I'm tired" and without batting an eye I replied "Hi Tired, I'm Horst!" :)
So yeah, I'm in training - baby is due in december, so I am kind of in bootcamp right now. Any advice from the more experienced dadjokers? Good next step for me?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Nov 06 2014
He always knows the score to the big game
Tonight after the Iron Bowl, he said, "I knew the score before it began!"
I asked him how he could make a claim like that and he said, "It's always 0 to 0 at the beginning."
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 29 2015
Have you seen the score between the Ocean and the Beach?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 14 2017
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