She won't let the other guys score
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7keletor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Did you guys hear about the new Space Jam sequel where Marvin the Martian joins the Monstars, scores all of their points and they win it all?

You should check it out, it’s a really good Martian Scores’easy film

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AquamarineCheetah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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My grandpa used to have a job keeping score at baseball games. Every time someone scored a run, he'd whack up a mark on a chalkboard.

Nowadays you'd call him a scorekeeper, but back then he was a tally whacker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditwhilestoned
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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The score
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pegacornian
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Do you know what they call the ability to predict sports scores?

ESPN.

(Credit to my husband who just laid this one on our kids and I)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theclashwasright
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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What does the announcer for the Miners Soccer League say when someone scores?

COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAL

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HVDREW
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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And he scores!! (seen on r/technicallythetruth)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeLamaKoning
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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What's the score between the ocean and the beach?

Tide

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fitzgerald1337
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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Martin was depressed because he could never get girls. Then Martin became a director. Now Martin scores easy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Superbat898
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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I got a perfect score in my honey making exam.

All Bs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conan-doodle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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Reddit should have an app so that every upvote you get improves your credit score

It would be called Creddit Karma

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphibatron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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I bet my son $10 I could predict the score of the Pats-Rams game tonight before it starts, and he said you’re on.

I said, β€œit’ll be 0-0.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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If you can see the box scores before the game even starts...

You must have ESP-N!

( ΰ²  ΝœΚ–ΰ² )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soylent_X
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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I like my women like I like my golf scores

In their 80s with a slight handicap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/charlieboydawg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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What's the Score?

Me: 4 to 3

Friend: You're up?

Me: No, this is America

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DirtyBeebs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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What is it called if buccaneers leave a 3.14 score on TripAdvisor?

A Pirating

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tygosaur
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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Polos versus Trebor mints, Polos score! And the whole crowd goes menthol
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sammy_Colon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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I can tell you the score of any football game before it starts.

It's zero to zero !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyrus_Imperative
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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A woman texted her husband, asking him to rate how attractive she is from 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest score...

After reading her husband's short and quick reply, the woman happily called her husband and said, "Aww, you didn't have to send me the heart symbol as a reply to my question. How sweet of you!"

Her husband then said, "What heart symbol? I meant to say that I rate you as less than three!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AesSedai99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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Bet I can tell you the score before the game starts,

0-0.

Watching march madness reminded me of this gem from the old man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dupreesdiamond
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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Did you hear about the tennis player who did not score?

They didn’t score, but they still made love.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imitaisskii
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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Who does a donkey see to get its FICO score?

The credit burro.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnosticpopsicle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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I was playing tennis with my friend, and he got angry when I tried to write the score on his arm.

I swear, you can never count on that guy...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nyx__Avatar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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Whenever Sweden and Denmark play on a match, the score says SWE-DEN

and the remaining letters are "DEN" and "MARK"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NickWilde992
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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Who does Oprah go to when she wants to score some drugs?

Dr. Phil Good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnosticpopsicle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.

They're my refrigeratings.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
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At a soccer match with Julius Caesar, Brutus asked, "What's the score, O Caesar?" Caesar replied...

"8-2, Brutus."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Red-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2017
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My dad told me he knows the score of the next Superbowl before it even happens

Its 0 to 0, of course thats the score before the game even starts

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
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Hey kids, what's the score?

It's a Tide Ad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/myopinionstinks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
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Hey, What's the score?

me: It's 1 to 3.
roommate: For?
me: 5, 6, 7.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4doors_morewhores
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2015
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Lookin to score some quack?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlew32
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2014
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My credit score is pretty bad...

Yesterday I got turned down for a library card.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SCScanlan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
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Dad zinged me when I told him about my golf score

I came out under par, wondered aloud what my handicap is.

Pops: "Usually it's your sense of humor!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chipmunk7000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2016
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Managed to score my first dad joke (dad in training)

Yesterday I was able to pull off my first dadjoke!

Someone in my evening class said "I'm tired" and without batting an eye I replied "Hi Tired, I'm Horst!" :)

So yeah, I'm in training - baby is due in december, so I am kind of in bootcamp right now. Any advice from the more experienced dadjokers? Good next step for me?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Horst665
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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He always knows the score to the big game

Tonight after the Iron Bowl, he said, "I knew the score before it began!" I asked him how he could make a claim like that and he said, "It's always 0 to 0 at the beginning."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sawyerwelden
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2015
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Have you seen the score between the Ocean and the Beach?

It was tide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clay2099
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
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