What do the Equalizer and John Wick have in common?

Both like schooling bad people (One with a pencil, one with a book)

π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/banjowashisnameo
π︎ Feb 24 2021
π¨︎ report
If 1+1=2 and 2+0=2, what does Train+Whistle equal?

Two too!

π︎ 12
π¬︎
π€︎ u/silverjaydog
π︎ May 21 2021
π¨︎ report
One day all mathematical signs gathered together in order to go into an adventure. Right before they were leaving, they didn't let the equal sign go with them.

They wanted to live an adventure without equal

π︎ 3
π¬︎
π︎ May 14 2021
π¨︎ report
Knight Knight
π︎ 4k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/shevelled
π︎ May 09 2021
π¨︎ report
How do you make the number one disappear?

You add "g" and it's GONE

π︎ 7k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/ssr0203
π︎ Apr 22 2021
π¨︎ report
How does 11+11 equal the same as 10+10?

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

π︎ 88
π¬︎
π︎ Jan 21 2021
π¨︎ report
I asked the baker if it was hard cutting the cake into equal slices

He said, "It's a piece of cake!"

π︎ 21
π¬︎
π€︎ u/corbillardier
π︎ Feb 05 2021
π¨︎ report
I don't mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts?

That's where I draw the line.

π︎ 90
π¬︎
π€︎ u/ryanooooo
π︎ Jan 14 2021
π¨︎ report
Science puns make me numb

But math puns make me number.

π︎ 911
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Dilborg
π︎ Jan 30 2021
π¨︎ report
I really appreciate couples that divide their feces equally with each other.

They really halve their shit together

π︎ 14
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Yotapata
π︎ Sep 06 2020
π¨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a mysterious box under his arms.

Bartender: "Hold on there buddy, what's in the box?"

Man: "I'll show you if you give me a free drink

The bartender agrees and the man lifts the lid of the box to show a tiny man, who starts playing an equally tiny piano.

Bartender: "That's amazing! Where did you find him?"

Man: "There's a genie outside granting free wishes. But if you go out there, be sure to speak up, because I think he is hard of hearing."

Bartender: "Why do you say that?"

Man: "Do you think I would've wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"

Disclaimer: Not original.

π︎ 34
π¬︎
π€︎ u/iNeedHealing24_7
π︎ Apr 25 2021
π¨︎ report
My wife insisted on pouring flour into the melted butter.

I told her she would roux the day.

π︎ 7k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/PhantomBanker
π︎ Nov 17 2020
π¨︎ report
Distraptor divided by Timeraptor equals?

Velociraptor.

π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/TallAsAFox
π︎ Oct 01 2020
π¨︎ report
Where do mansplainers get their water?

From a well, actually..

π︎ 12k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/safiyah-l
π︎ Oct 11 2020
π¨︎ report
Where does 100 equal 60?

A microwave.

π︎ 239
π¬︎
π€︎ u/GangrenePeen
π︎ Jan 11 2020
π¨︎ report
I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:Β  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.Β Β  Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!Β  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.Β Β  However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.Β Β Β  The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!Β Β  My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.Β Β  I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.Β  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.Β Β  At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.Β Β Β  He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,Β  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.Β Β Β  I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.Β Β Β  Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!Β Β  Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!Β Β  At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.Β  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"Β  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit β‘

π︎ 5
π¬︎
π€︎ u/terjulmar
π︎ May 05 2021
π¨︎ report
My buddy used his stimulus check to buy some baby chickens

He got his money for nothinβ and his chicks for free

π︎ 12
π¬︎
π€︎ u/larryb78
π︎ Mar 18 2021
π¨︎ report
To further gender equality, I think it's time we have our first transgendered superheroes.

The Ex-Men.

π︎ 18
π¬︎
π€︎ u/acres41
π︎ Jun 15 2020
π¨︎ report
The title, no mouth equals no words.
π︎ 34
π¬︎
π€︎ u/MemaholicCreeper
π︎ Dec 13 2019
π¨︎ report
1L is equal to 0.264 US gallon...

Literally

π︎ 8
π¬︎
π︎ May 15 2020
π¨︎ report
distance raptor over time raptor equals...

VELOCIRAPTOR

-heehee physics jokes

π︎ 61
π¬︎
π€︎ u/mollywashere318
π︎ Dec 17 2019
π¨︎ report
Our church just replaced our giant wood pulpit for a smaller metal pulpit that is equally heavy.

We are now a heavy metal church.

We will be introducing Black Sabbath to our worship set soon.

π︎ 4
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Cruckel2687
π︎ Jun 14 2020
π¨︎ report
Equality is important!
π︎ 104
π¬︎
π€︎ u/chrisparton1991
π︎ Jul 03 2019
π¨︎ report
Were they equal?
π︎ 214
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Yodariffic
π︎ Jul 11 2018
π¨︎ report
I lost my map of contours showing points of equal elevation!

It was a relief when I found it.

π︎ 2
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
π︎ Feb 06 2020
π¨︎ report
There's a band called 999MB.

they haven't had any gigs yet.

π︎ 180
π¬︎
π€︎ u/ineedapapaya
π︎ Sep 16 2020
π¨︎ report
MATH JOKES

Iβll leave out the negative jokes here.

Only the positive ones!

You can tri to stop me,

Adding these together just makes it so much better.

We may be divided because of this,

But not all jokes are made equal,

But y=Mx+b jokes are great, yet at some point we have to draw a line. Itβs an especially slippery slope to go down.

π︎ 2
π¬︎
π︎ Mar 06 2021
π¨︎ report
What is it called when a Scotsman agrees with you in equal measure?

An aye for an aye.

π︎ 21
π¬︎
π€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
π︎ Oct 28 2019
π¨︎ report
From the 2020 SAT, geometry section: A farmer is welding parts in his barn. He wants to cut four bars of equal length from two lengths of iron rebar measuring 16 feet, 8 inches and 5 feet, 10 inches. How much material will be discarded? Bonus: where will the rebar, once welded, go for a good time?

A square dance

π︎ 5
π¬︎
π︎ Dec 18 2019
π¨︎ report
What do you call a horse who likes equality?

An egalloptarian

π︎ 5
π¬︎
π€︎ u/genuinely-bored
π︎ Jul 13 2019
π¨︎ report
True story: Driving back home, my 5 year old son says "How do you spell 'penis'?". My wife looks at me curiously and then asks "Why?"

After a few moments of silence, my son replies "That's it?"

π︎ 10k
π¬︎
π︎ Dec 17 2019
π¨︎ report
There was an explosion at the pie factory.

The blast could be heard 3.14 miles away.

π︎ 76
π¬︎
π€︎ u/PanixATK
π︎ Oct 06 2020
π¨︎ report
I don't think men and women can be equal.

There's a vas deferens between them.

π︎ 21
π¬︎
π€︎ u/theswarthyknight
π︎ May 08 2019
π¨︎ report
Not all vehicles have equal rights.

Some make wide turns.

π︎ 3
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Arcaneosis
π︎ Jan 21 2019
π¨︎ report
If a group of horses are all equally far away from one another, would they be equusdistant?

Making horse jokes with my flatmate and I'm particularly proud of this one.

π︎ 2
π¬︎
π€︎ u/MikeLovesRowing
π︎ Jan 14 2019
π¨︎ report
I've decided to become a math teacher, but I'm only going to teach subtraction.

I just want to make a difference.

π︎ 10k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
π︎ Sep 01 2019
π¨︎ report
DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME

I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.

Let's see what you can do!

What you need to know about the game:

• You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
• Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
• You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.

That's basically it.

π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/Tyounr
π︎ Oct 16 2020
π¨︎ report
Everyone gets it
π︎ 4k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/BobTheRussian
π︎ Sep 06 2019
π¨︎ report
The sum of 10+10 and 11+11 are equal.

10+10=20, 11+11=22

π︎ 13
π¬︎
π€︎ u/fortnit-toxic
π︎ Jan 04 2021
π¨︎ report
Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same

10+10=20 11+11=22

π︎ 19k
π¬︎
π︎ Jan 04 2021
π¨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.