What do the Equalizer and John Wick have in common?

Both like schooling bad people (One with a pencil, one with a book)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/banjowashisnameo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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If 1+1=2 and 2+0=2, what does Train+Whistle equal?

Two too!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silverjaydog
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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One day all mathematical signs gathered together in order to go into an adventure. Right before they were leaving, they didn't let the equal sign go with them.

They wanted to live an adventure without equal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tadashi4
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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Knight Knight
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shevelled
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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How do you make the number one disappear?

You add "g" and it's GONE

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssr0203
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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How does 11+11 equal the same as 10+10?

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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I asked the baker if it was hard cutting the cake into equal slices

He said, "It's a piece of cake!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/corbillardier
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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I don't mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts?

That's where I draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Science puns make me numb

But math puns make me number.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dilborg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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I really appreciate couples that divide their feces equally with each other.

They really halve their shit together

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yotapata
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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A man walks into a bar with a mysterious box under his arms.

Bartender: "Hold on there buddy, what's in the box?"

Man: "I'll show you if you give me a free drink

The bartender agrees and the man lifts the lid of the box to show a tiny man, who starts playing an equally tiny piano.

Bartender: "That's amazing! Where did you find him?"

Man: "There's a genie outside granting free wishes. But if you go out there, be sure to speak up, because I think he is hard of hearing."

Bartender: "Why do you say that?"

Man: "Do you think I would've wished for a twelve-inch pianist?"

Disclaimer: Not original.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iNeedHealing24_7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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My wife insisted on pouring flour into the melted butter.

I told her she would roux the day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhantomBanker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Distraptor divided by Timeraptor equals?

Velociraptor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TallAsAFox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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Where do mansplainers get their water?

From a well, actually..

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/safiyah-l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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Where does 100 equal 60?

A microwave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GangrenePeen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:Β  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.Β Β  Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!Β  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.Β Β  However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.Β Β Β  The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!Β Β  My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.Β Β  I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.Β  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.Β Β  At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.Β Β Β  He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,Β  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.Β Β Β  I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.Β Β Β  Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!Β Β  Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!Β Β  At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.Β  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"Β  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terjulmar
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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My buddy used his stimulus check to buy some baby chickens

He got his money for nothin’ and his chicks for free

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πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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To further gender equality, I think it's time we have our first transgendered superheroes.

The Ex-Men.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acres41
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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The title, no mouth equals no words.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MemaholicCreeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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1L is equal to 0.264 US gallon...

Literally

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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distance raptor over time raptor equals...

VELOCIRAPTOR

-heehee physics jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mollywashere318
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Our church just replaced our giant wood pulpit for a smaller metal pulpit that is equally heavy.

We are now a heavy metal church.

We will be introducing Black Sabbath to our worship set soon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cruckel2687
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Equality is important!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisparton1991
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Were they equal?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yodariffic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
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I lost my map of contours showing points of equal elevation!

It was a relief when I found it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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There's a band called 999MB.

they haven't had any gigs yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ineedapapaya
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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MATH JOKES

I’ll leave out the negative jokes here.

Only the positive ones!

You can tri to stop me,

Adding these together just makes it so much better.

We may be divided because of this,

But not all jokes are made equal,

But y=Mx+b jokes are great, yet at some point we have to draw a line. It’s an especially slippery slope to go down.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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What is it called when a Scotsman agrees with you in equal measure?

An aye for an aye.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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From the 2020 SAT, geometry section: A farmer is welding parts in his barn. He wants to cut four bars of equal length from two lengths of iron rebar measuring 16 feet, 8 inches and 5 feet, 10 inches. How much material will be discarded? Bonus: where will the rebar, once welded, go for a good time?

A square dance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadacolt45
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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What do you call a horse who likes equality?

An egalloptarian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/genuinely-bored
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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True story: Driving back home, my 5 year old son says "How do you spell 'penis'?". My wife looks at me curiously and then asks "Why?"

After a few moments of silence, my son replies "That's it?"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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There was an explosion at the pie factory.

The blast could be heard 3.14 miles away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PanixATK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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I don't think men and women can be equal.

There's a vas deferens between them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theswarthyknight
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Not all vehicles have equal rights.

Some make wide turns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arcaneosis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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If a group of horses are all equally far away from one another, would they be equusdistant?

Making horse jokes with my flatmate and I'm particularly proud of this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeLovesRowing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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I've decided to become a math teacher, but I'm only going to teach subtraction.

I just want to make a difference.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME

I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.

Let's see what you can do!

What you need to know about the game:

  • You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
  • Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
  • You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.

That's basically it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyounr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Everyone gets it
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BobTheRussian
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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The sum of 10+10 and 11+11 are equal.

10+10=20, 11+11=22

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fortnit-toxic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same

10+10=20 11+11=22

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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