The detective shuddered when he realised the weapons from each crime scene were the same weight
They weren't just chasing a serial killer, they were chasing a mass murderer
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?
If my ceiling fan supported my weight...
....I'll never be bored again.
Losing weight is a piece of cake
The key to losing weight is patience
So take your time and wait.
I invented a bouncing platform to help obese hobos lose weight.
I call it a Tramp o' Lean
I've lost loads of weight, just by wearing bread around my head...
What do you call someone that got weight loss surgery?
The french revolution was kind of a pain in the neck, but once it was over it was a weight off of some people's shoulders
Loosing weight is a peice of cake!
Just don’t pick it up
Edit: piece I before E except after c
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
I went to a weight loss seminar
I'm planning to implement a new weight-loss method that will require people to wear winter gloves making it harder for them to eat.
I will call it "Inter-mitten fasting".
Red hot chili pepper weight
How do you measure how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it away a now.
My partner is telling me that I'm gaining a lot of weight from eating a lot of Indian food
But I think it's a naan issue.
I really ought to start losing weight...
But, I've got too much on my plate at the moment.
I don’t understand why I can't lose weight.
I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Did you hear about Dolly Parton’s new weight loss coffee?
Doctor: Can we talk about your weight?
Certainly. It was about 20 minutes, but at least the chairs didn't break this time.
My wife hates it when I make jokes about her weight...
We Tried Getting Americans to Start Measuring Weight in Kilograms Instead of Pounds
But they were very cagey about it.
As the detective examined the crime scene at the carnival he came upon the man working the “Guess your weight” booth. The detective had the man arrested as an accomplice to the criminal.
He was charged with helping the criminal get a weigh.
My wife said, "You've put on a lot of weight."
I said, " I know! I have had a lot on my plate lately."
Why don’t fish weight themselves?
They have their own scales.
What increases in weight as it decreases in volume?
I called up Weight Watchers, told them there was an emergency and asked for them to send someone round!
Turns out they’ve got loads of them!
What does a dead person do to lose weight?
I've put on so much weight during Lockdown that my Sumo suit no longer fits me.
On the plus side, I no longer need a Sumo suit.
I started going to the gym in my tuxedo, everything went well except the weight lifting...
Pro tip: If you are looking for a cheap way to work out at home, consider using milk jugs as weights.
But be sure to use almond or soy milk, I’ve heard they’re the healthier alternatives.
You should avoid beef when trying to lose weight
Why are goulash not good at weight lifting?
Because they aren't stroganoff
How do you get to the weight room at Hogwarts?
What do you call a big weight loss?
Who was the heavy weight champion of farts?
I asked my Dad “What’s the difference between weight and mass?”
“Well, son. Weight is your size in relation to the Earth’s gravity.
Mass is what Catholics go to Sunday morning.”
The biggest celeb i met while grocery shopping! Dude lost a lotta weight since Fight Club.
She probably said, "Let's weight"
Where do you find the weight of a whale?
Losing weight is a piece of cake
See, it's a simple process... just don't pick it up!
Happy cake day to anyone who shares the same as mine!
Why does Mike tyson turn into a superhero after lifting weights?
In a recent interview with David Draiman a reporter commented on his remarkable quarantine weight gain.
Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.
We've made a massive mistake
What did the Norse god of thunder say after biting his tongue during an intense weight-lifting session?
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?
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