The french revolution was kind of a pain in the neck, but once it was over it was a weight off of some people's shoulders
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
π︎ 95
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
As the detective examined the crime scene at the carnival he came upon the man working the βGuess your weightβ booth. The detective had the man arrested as an accomplice to the criminal.
He was charged with helping the criminal get a weigh.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
Who was the heavy weight champion of farts?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
I started going to the gym in my tuxedo, everything went well except the weight lifting...
π︎ 247
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︎ Sep 13 2020
I asked my Dad βWhatβs the difference between weight and mass?β
βWell, son. Weight is your size in relation to the Earthβs gravity.
Mass is what Catholics go to Sunday morning.β
π︎ 26
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
The biggest celeb i met while grocery shopping! Dude lost a lotta weight since Fight Club.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
Where do you find the weight of a whale?
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 16 2020
What did the Norse god of thunder say after biting his tongue during an intense weight-lifting session?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 08 2020
How do you think they measure the weight of bones?
They probably Skel-a-Ton at a time!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 03 2020
How do you get to the weight room at Hogwarts?
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Dec 12 2019
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.
We've made a massive mistake
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
How did the Norse god know when it was time to stop lifting weights?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
Loosing weight using the internet is so damn difficult. Like every weightloss website I visit,
π︎ 54
π
︎ Feb 29 2020
I gain too much weight around the holidays
I need to stop eating cold turkey
π︎ 21
π
︎ Apr 29 2020
A bag couldnβt handle the heavy weight
π︎ 22
π
︎ Oct 21 2019
Did you hear about the obese man who liked to make fun of animalsβ weights?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 17 2020
In the UK, weights are really expensive,
A 45 kilo kettle bell is 100 pounds!
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 08 2020
There will probably be a surge in weight lifting related injuries since all the gyms have closed.
Everyone will try to pick up where they left off.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 27 2020
Imagine if the Americans started using Kilograms to measure weight.
There would be mass confusion.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 17 2019
How did the book lose weight?
It got its appendix removed.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 01 2020
It's been 6 months now since I joined the gym and I still haven't lost any weight....
Maybe it's time I went down there to see what's going on
π︎ 31
π
︎ Oct 16 2019
I use the notches on my belt to monitor how much weight I'm losing
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 27 2019
What kind of pants did weight-lifters wear in the 1970s?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 31 2019
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jul 14 2019
How did the Programmer lose weight?
Hey switched to a byte sized diet.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 17 2019
Why did the Trump supporter gain weight?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 10 2018
I bet my friend that i could lose more weight than him within the last month
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 29 2018
Why was the fish so conscious about itβs weight?
Because it had too many scales
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 31 2018
To the person who stole my weight loss pills........
You'll have nothing to gain.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Aug 29 2018
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Oct 22 2018
The weight of Powerpoint presentations is measured in diagrams.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 25 2019
The scientist who comes up with the perfect diet plan to lose weight
Should win the Nobelly Prize.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 10 2018
I was watching the news with my son and they said that Elton John has put on so much weight recently, he will have to have pants made specially for him...
I chuckled and said, "So now he'll sing, 'Goodbye normal jeans'!"
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 06 2018
Why don't we know the weight of the rarest diamond in the world?
π︎ 138
π
︎ Jul 27 2016
Over the past 3 years Iβve lost a ton of weight at the gym.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 13 2018
Did you hear about the beer that helps you lose weight?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 06 2018
I can't find any of the left-handed weights at my gym.
I can only find right-handed plates, marked by a capital R next to the manufacturer's name.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 11 2017
The dieting philosopher stopped losing weight.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 20 2014
My Shake Weight came in the mail today!
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 27 2011
i want to open a puppy mill store next to the humane society, and sell dogs by weight
i'll call it "Puppies by the Pound"
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 20 2015
Clearing all the weights/workout things from the Nursery to prepare for the baby's arrival
Husband hands me the only thing that's mine (a small 8lb dumbbell) and says "it's really time you carried your own weight around here." I think he's ready for the baby to get here.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 26 2015
My dad has been working on his weight and health lately. Today he sent me the following text:
I can't seem to get my diet right - I must be a gluten for punishment.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 01 2015
How do you get to the weight room in Hogwarts?
Through the Dumbbell-Door
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jun 16 2020
Why was the fish so conscious about itβs weight?
Because it had too many scales
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 31 2018
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