What did the PB&J addict call his sandwiches?

My jammy vice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeductiveMango
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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My daughter asked for a PB&J

I delivered it on a dad joke platter

http://imgur.com/a/98MD4lO

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pladhoc
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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What’s the worst kind of jelly to put in your PB&J?

Traffic Jam

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonBonleone
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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It took me 2 hours to make a PB&J sandwich.

They keep saying, SLOW THE SPREAD!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_WES_ome
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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My wife made a PB&J protein shake and asked what I thought. I suggested she add regular kitchen spices.

Then she could have peanut butter jelly thyme!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aardvark1292
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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Why do you never ask a chemist to make a PB & J?

Lead poisoning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toastycheeks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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Instead of PB&J sandwich, I accidentally gave my son chopped onion into his lunch box

He cried.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rybavlimuzine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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My wife made me a Pb & J sandwich...

I think she's trying to poison me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sentibite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
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The perfect PB&J...

My wife asked me to make our child a PB&J sammich for his lunch.
I told her that my native american relative tought me how to make the perfect PB&J.
She asked which one? And I said:
Uncle Rusty Bull.
From the Smuckers tribe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2017
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What happens when you try to print a PB&J?

Jam in tray 1.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rabidmilkman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2017
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Classic dad joke in an old episode of the PBS children's cartoon "George Shrinks"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/proletarium
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2014
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Help me out: need some rockstar/music themed food puns for my 3 year old’s birthday party!

Having a small party for my guitar and music obsessed soon-to-be 3 year old. Wanted to put some signs next to the food to make it more on-theme. We’ll be serving:

Chicken nuggets PB&Js (in the shape of guitars) Veggie tray Fruit tray Water & juice

I’m struggling to think of stuff. So far I only have Nirvana Nuggets (which I realize isn’t even a pun) and PB&J Richie Samboraches. Lame, I know πŸ˜‚ Help me out if you can think of any more!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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What do you call a tricky woman whose initials are P.B.?

Miss Lead!

..Y'know, because Lead is Pb on the periodic table..? All of my friends (okay fine, all one of my friends) just stared at me when I told him.. Thought you folks might appreciate it a little more...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pthelynese
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Fellow Dads, Help me name this Garden Art

Looking for what my fellow Dads would name this garden artwork in my buddies yard.

Carved Tree

I called it GandOwlF

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marc--
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Hey Siri, I'm bleeding really bad. Can you call me an ambulance?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Discount_Dracula
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
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Dad and Son Team

Dinner guest: So last night I was watching a PBS documentary on Mars.

Father and Son simultaneously: Wow! How did you get back? (fist bump)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallpapab
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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What's a pirate's favorite beer?

PB-Arrrg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tree_Mum
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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San Bernadino:

An ISIL-ated incident

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scandiumflight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
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A chemist’s daughter asked for lunch

One Pb and J sandwich later and she was hospitalized for lead poisoning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JS0D
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
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Told my dad a joke stolen from AskReddit... Touche, old man

[dad joke] (https://m.imgur.com/p6BewPb)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nhwoodsblues
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2017
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My dad the magician...

Growing up I ate a lot of sandwiches. Without fail, every time I asked my father to make one for me this was the exchange...

Me: "Dad, can you make me a sandwich"?

Dad: "POOF! You're a sandwich."

It was maddening, especially when I was jonesing for a PB&J.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CTV49
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
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"Babe can you move over?" "But I don't have mushroom."

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C1YAA2xXAAE0Tcx.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BreakingGarrick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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I asked my gf to make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

She responds, "it would be difficult to make you a pb&j because you are too big. You would be large peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Achillez34
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2017
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Number one on my bucket list

Is probably this

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fakint
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2015
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Thank You Olds, Alberta.

My girlfriend showed me a photo of severe weather in a town north of us and asked "have you seen the photo from Olds yet?"

"Saw it yesterday! That's old news"

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
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Why did the chemist die after eating a Pb&J?

Because he ate lead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doortem
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
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