How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

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π€︎ u/hawkeye45_
π︎ Apr 25 2021
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A group of physicists came to my restaurant today, ate then explained what the force required to accelerate a mass of one gram at a rate of one centimeter per second squared is. Then when my attention was elsewhere, they all left, leaving behind a bunch of hyphens...

I should have known they'd dyne and dash.

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π€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
π︎ Apr 25 2021
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Mass hysteria
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π€︎ u/g8ed_manual
π︎ Feb 21 2021
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My daughter (6) and I were watching a show where the phrase βgelatinous massβ came up..

..so I blurted out, βThatβs what jellyfish call church!β rimshot

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π€︎ u/buh-sploder
π︎ Feb 24 2021
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What is the mass of a hipster?

1 instagram

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π︎ Feb 19 2021
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I fell asleep during Catholic mass.

I'm a Bored Again Christian.

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π€︎ u/teeim
π︎ Dec 30 2020
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I thought I found a mass grave of snowmen yesterday....

.....but it turned out to be a field of carrots.

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π€︎ u/VERBERD
π︎ Nov 09 2020
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Letβs just ignore the fact that would cause mass traffic
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π︎ Feb 02 2020
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What do you call a large land mass that uncontrollably leaks into the ocean?

Incontinent

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π︎ Dec 01 2020
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βWell, son. Weight is your size in relation to the Earthβs gravity.

Mass is what Catholics go to Sunday morning.β

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π€︎ u/Shakes-Fear
π︎ Sep 03 2020
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This gives a whole new meaning to Mass Shooting!
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π€︎ u/JuanTanio
π︎ May 26 2020
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We have migrated from mass hysteria to mask hysteria.
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π︎ Jul 28 2020
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If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight, there would be mass confusion
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π€︎ u/TimHP
π︎ May 08 2018
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Where do large sea mammals go to get their body mass measured?

The Whale-weigh station

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π€︎ u/jazzysax241
π︎ Aug 26 2020
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Electrons have mass?!

I didnβt even know they were catholic!

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π︎ May 05 2020
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"Mass confusion"
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π︎ May 08 2018
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Why is a Catholic Mass like The Gunfight At The O.K. Corral?

Pew! Pew! Pew!...

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π€︎ u/Jon-A
π︎ Aug 15 2020
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Did you hear the one about the mass murderer who only hunted vegetarians?

He was a Serial Kaler

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π€︎ u/Bruce_Wang007
π︎ Jul 27 2020
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You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means?

You matter.

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π︎ Apr 29 2020
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A woman is running up the front stairs of a church. She asks the boy sitting at the top, "Is mass out?" The little boy looks at her and says...

"No, but your hat's on crooked."

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π€︎ u/sineofthetimes
π︎ Mar 26 2020
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Churches had to disband when it was announced there would be no more mass gatherings.

They followed the guidance religiously.

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π€︎ u/The_Chosen_Pun_
π︎ Mar 25 2020
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Why doesnβt light have mass?

If it did, it wouldβve be called heavy.

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π€︎ u/JensFleur
π︎ Jun 02 2020
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High mass in the extraordinary form
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π€︎ u/prlmn
π︎ Sep 29 2019
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Black holes are the biggest mass murderers

Literally

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π€︎ u/FeZzUs
π︎ Mar 01 2020
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I just checked my body mass index. It says I'm a beast

Oh wait. I'm obese

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π€︎ u/tjeters
π︎ May 10 2020
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There was this news reporter who enjoyed incorporating puns into their reports. One day, they had to cover the story of a mass stabbing. Unfortunately, the reporter couldn't think of a pun so they just sighed and went on to report the news how it was...

"Sorry, no pun n' ten dead"

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π€︎ u/Fluffy627
π︎ Feb 25 2020
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Where did they used to mass produce scents and smells?

At the olfactory

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π€︎ u/greatreference
π︎ Apr 03 2020
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The media says that video games is a main cause for mass shootings

But really, it's music that causes gun violins

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π€︎ u/BattlePants8154
π︎ Nov 29 2019
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Pretty old mass joke ngl

Why doesn't the usa change their measures from pounds to kgs?

Because it would cause mass confusion

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π€︎ u/CocozuBR
π︎ Aug 26 2019
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What did the vegan say at mass

Lettuce pray

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π€︎ u/tydyelove7
π︎ Oct 27 2019
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Why did the pope wear crocs to mass?

Because they're his holey shoes

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π€︎ u/GmanV357
π︎ Nov 25 2019
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I was going to make a pun about Mass Effect...

...but I figure if I did, I'd be Asari.

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π︎ Apr 17 2018
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Dad just texted me this, caused a mass groan when I read it out to the people I was with

Someone through threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me. Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil

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π€︎ u/BetweenTheCheeks
π︎ Apr 02 2014
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A pun walks alone into a mass murder of 10 people..

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π€︎ u/The1WhiteBishop
π︎ Aug 28 2019
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My very religious Aunt attends mass daily.

She says that's because missing church for seven days makes one weak!

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π︎ Sep 23 2019
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I put on a show about grams. It was a mass production
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π€︎ u/Leo6846
π︎ Sep 03 2019
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What do you call a white woolly mass snoring on a field?

A sleep

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π€︎ u/Wavetune
π︎ Jun 25 2019
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This might cause....mass confusion. bbc.com/news/science-enviβ¦
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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Nov 17 2018
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Did you know that protons have mass?

I didn't even know they were Catholic.

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π€︎ u/drozzi007
π︎ Dec 08 2019
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Did you know that protons had mass?

I didn't even know they were catholic.

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π€︎ u/SuperMegaPepega
π︎ Feb 28 2020
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How do you measure the mass of a Red Hot Chili Pepper?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

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π€︎ u/RzRshRp98
π︎ Mar 21 2019
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Did you know that protons have mass?

I didn't even know they were catholic.

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π€︎ u/stayphreshdnb
π︎ Aug 25 2019
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Did you know that protons have mass?

I had no clue they were Catholic!

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π€︎ u/huhmanrawx
π︎ Jun 29 2019
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Youβre living, you occupy space and you have mass you know what that means... (stolen from tumblr)

You matter.

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π€︎ u/DenverCav0
π︎ Apr 14 2019
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Did you know that protons have mass?

I didn't even know they were Catholic

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π€︎ u/SideOfInsanity
π︎ May 05 2019
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How do you murder mass?

You killagram

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π€︎ u/history_yea
π︎ Feb 28 2019
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What's the mass of that chili pepper?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!

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π€︎ u/mattmilli1
π︎ Jul 05 2018
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