How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
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︎ Apr 25 2021
A group of physicists came to my restaurant today, ate then explained what the force required to accelerate a mass of one gram at a rate of one centimeter per second squared is. Then when my attention was elsewhere, they all left, leaving behind a bunch of hyphens...
I should have known they'd dyne and dash.
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︎ Apr 25 2021
Mass hysteria
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︎ Feb 21 2021
My daughter (6) and I were watching a show where the phrase βgelatinous massβ came up..
..so I blurted out, βThatβs what jellyfish call church!β
rimshot
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︎ Feb 24 2021
What is the mass of a hipster?
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︎ Feb 19 2021
I fell asleep during Catholic mass.
I'm a Bored Again Christian.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
I thought I found a mass grave of snowmen yesterday....
.....but it turned out to be a field of carrots.
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︎ Nov 09 2020
Letβs just ignore the fact that would cause mass traffic
π︎ 2k
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︎ Feb 02 2020
What do you call a large land mass that uncontrollably leaks into the ocean?
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︎ Dec 01 2020
I asked my Dad βWhatβs the difference between weight and mass?β
βWell, son. Weight is your size in relation to the Earthβs gravity.
Mass is what Catholics go to Sunday morning.β
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︎ Sep 03 2020
This gives a whole new meaning to Mass Shooting!
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︎ May 26 2020
We have migrated from mass hysteria to mask hysteria.
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︎ Jul 28 2020
If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight, there would be mass confusion
π︎ 10k
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︎ May 08 2018
Where do large sea mammals go to get their body mass measured?
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 26 2020
Electrons have mass?!
I didnβt even know they were catholic!
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︎ May 05 2020
"Mass confusion"
π︎ 4k
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︎ May 08 2018
Why is a Catholic Mass like The Gunfight At The O.K. Corral?
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Did you hear the one about the mass murderer who only hunted vegetarians?
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︎ Jul 27 2020
You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means?
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︎ Apr 29 2020
A woman is running up the front stairs of a church. She asks the boy sitting at the top, "Is mass out?" The little boy looks at her and says...
"No, but your hat's on crooked."
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︎ Mar 26 2020
Churches had to disband when it was announced there would be no more mass gatherings.
They followed the guidance religiously.
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 25 2020
Why doesnβt light have mass?
If it did, it wouldβve be called heavy.
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︎ Jun 02 2020
High mass in the extraordinary form
π︎ 29
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︎ Sep 29 2019
Black holes are the biggest mass murderers
π︎ 6
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︎ Mar 01 2020
I just checked my body mass index. It says I'm a beast
π︎ 3
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︎ May 10 2020
There was this news reporter who enjoyed incorporating puns into their reports. One day, they had to cover the story of a mass stabbing. Unfortunately, the reporter couldn't think of a pun so they just sighed and went on to report the news how it was...
"Sorry, no pun n' ten dead"
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︎ Feb 25 2020
Where did they used to mass produce scents and smells?
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 03 2020
The media says that video games is a main cause for mass shootings
But really, it's music that causes gun violins
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 29 2019
Pretty old mass joke ngl
Why doesn't the usa change their measures from pounds to kgs?
Because it would cause mass confusion
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 26 2019
What did the vegan say at mass
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 27 2019
Why did the pope wear crocs to mass?
Because they're his holey shoes
π︎ 14
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︎ Nov 25 2019
I was going to make a pun about Mass Effect...
...but I figure if I did, I'd be Asari.
π︎ 12
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︎ Apr 17 2018
Dad just texted me this, caused a mass groan when I read it out to the people I was with
Someone through threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me. Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
π︎ 2k
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︎ Apr 02 2014
A pun walks alone into a mass murder of 10 people..
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 28 2019
My very religious Aunt attends mass daily.
She says that's because missing church for seven days makes one weak!
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︎ Sep 23 2019
I put on a show about grams. It was a mass production
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︎ Sep 03 2019
What do you call a white woolly mass snoring on a field?
π︎ 9
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︎ Jun 25 2019
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 17 2018
Did you know that protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic.
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︎ Dec 08 2019
Did you know that protons had mass?
I didn't even know they were catholic.
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 28 2020
How do you measure the mass of a Red Hot Chili Pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
π︎ 234
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︎ Mar 21 2019
Did you know that protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were catholic.
π︎ 80
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︎ Aug 25 2019
Did you know that protons have mass?
I had no clue they were Catholic!
π︎ 11
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︎ Jun 29 2019
Youβre living, you occupy space and you have mass you know what that means... (stolen from tumblr)
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 14 2019
Did you know that protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic
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︎ May 05 2019
How do you murder mass?
π︎ 30
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︎ Feb 28 2019
What's the mass of that chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 05 2018
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