It's fine.
(This is a true story.)
Usually this is my Dad. My Mom will be opening presents all day, and Dad is done after he unwraps his three gifts.
We really give him a hard time and he loves it. He's a champ.
Well one year, we're opening gifts, and my brother's got almost nothing in his little pile. He had recently bought a house and his main gift was a garden hose.
This is exciting because we're gonna just tear into him. He is a good sport and he is ready to bask in the glory of his Christmas failure.
We finish the unwrapping and my Dad looks over to him and says "Well son, you really got hosed this year".
P.S. I am x-posting my own comment from an AskReddit thread at someone's suggestion, and definitely NOT in a shameless quest for karma.
It was a pot roast.
Samantics
......so one day I just packed up my stuff and right.
But backwards itβs even more stupid.
Flexibull
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Friend: -Sighs-
Me: -AGGRESSIVELY LOUD SIIIIIIIIIIIGH-
Friend: "The heck was that?"
Me: "I heard you were sighin', so I thought I'd join you and go super sighin.
(Dragonball Z joke with Saiyans)
Background to this joke: Took me years to get the perfect setup for this joke. Needed a bunch of friends present for maximum groans/laughs, needed to remember to do it, and needed friend to sigh and follow up to my ridiculous-ness. It was one of my most satisfying jokes I've told.
...my optometrist just told me that I'm very farce-sighted.
It was a ridiculously long name
Thatβs ridiculous, I didnβt even know it was her birthday
every single year
Never mind, itβs too cheesy.
But I called her Bluff.
Date: So, what do you do?
Me: * holds up menu * you just pick one from this picture book of meals.
Luckily he arrived at the last second and named him Justin Time
A Catillac.
Yep, pretty ridiculous. π
I said lovingly to my fiancΓ© (and really great dad to his daughter).
His reply, "I wonder if the first person was just...diculous".
I get to live with a dad joke machine.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef!
What do you call a cow after it gives birth? De-calf-enated!
Did you hear about that cow that jumped over a barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.
(After they beg you to stop, hit them with: "Ok, it's time too mooooove on to some different jokes. These cow jokes are getting udderly ridiculous.")
I think it was a steak out.
But now, itβs my time to shine.
There's absolutely no point to it.
But there really is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise
Edit: place to plate, credit to /u/wonderquads
It wouldn't make any scents!
"Well, listen grandad, you just popped over, I didn't invite you".
What, the actual Fuck.
What even is this sub at this point?
But we all know swine flu
Me: "You mean reduckulous..."
Itβs such a ridiculous thing to fallout 4
Don't listen to her, she's just ex-aggerating.
My dad asked, "Jackie or Rod?"
But backwards itβs even more stupid.
But backwards itβs even more stupid...
...but backwards, itβs even more stupidβ¦
